Parents begin preparing for a new baby’s arrival from the moment they receive a positive pregnancy test. They research car seats and baby gear, prepare the nursery and read books on baby care. No matter how much you do prior to the birth, nothing can truly prepare you for the exciting and overwhelming moment when you bring your baby home from the hospital for the first time and realize you are responsible for a beautiful, tiny person. Even experienced moms may feel overwhelmed as they add another family member to an already busy household. Over time, mothers can build their confidence or “momfidence” and feel more comfortable taking care of their children. Here are some tips to help you feel more comfortable and confident as a mom.
Trust your instincts
Many new moms feel like they are flooded with unsolicited advice that is sometimes helpful and sometimes not. Learn to trust your instincts when it comes to advice. Well-meaning advice from your great-aunt who raised kids in the 1950s is likely to be outdated. Only you and your partner can decide what is best for your child’s individual needs. When in doubt, consult your pediatrician, who is happy to answer new parents’ questions.
Practice self care
It’s no surprise new moms are often exhausted, forget to eat and drink, put others' needs before their own and feel they don’t even have time to wash their hair. A nap, shower and a decent meal can do wonders for your attitude and outlook. If needed, ask your significant other, family member or friend to watch the baby for a few minutes while you take care of your own needs. You will be surprised at how relaxed and confident you feel when you return to care for your children.
Don’t compare
Comparison is an easy pitfall for most parents. Do your best not to compare your children to others around you or on social media. All children develop at their own pace and have their own strengths and challenges to overcome. Similarly, each mom will parent differently and have individual values, strengths and weaknesses to overcome as well. Olathe mom of three Jessica Kendall says, “Be true to who you are, your time constraints, your interests and your kiddos’ needs. Forget the rest.” Figure out what is important to your family. No family will have the same dynamic, and that is perfectly okay.
Be kind to yourself
I woke up with a start and heard my baby screaming from his room. Exhausted from a series of sleepless nights, I had fallen asleep on the couch during his nap and forgotten to turn on the baby monitor. I rubbed the fog from my eyes and raced to his bedside. It was clear he had been crying awhile, and I felt like a terrible mom. Even when moms have the best intentions, they make mistakes. Be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up. Maybe you will forget to buy diapers, skip a bath or have to let the baby cry while you tend to another child—and every child will pick up the normal bumps and bruises. Just because you make mistakes in parenting does not mean you are a bad mom.
Parenting is a job that is always changing. As soon as you develop a routine and things calm down, your child develops a new skill, a new challenge arises or your situation changes. With each developmental milestone, give yourself a pat on the back. You are a wonderful, confident mother and you deserve to celebrate alongside your child. Parenthood is the most overwhelming and rewarding job you will ever have, but over time you will develop “momfidence” in your skills as a mom
Sarah Lyons is a freelance writer who lives in Olathe with her family.