Knowing that a lot of what we say to our kids goes in one ear and out the other is not a good feeling. In a perfect world, our little angels would take in every word we speak and understand exactly what we’re saying. The reality, though, is our kids are probably tuning us out more than we think. Maybe it’s because what they’re playing, reading or looking at is much more interesting to them, or perhaps they just don’t always want to hear our voice. As frustrating as it can be, there are ways to teach our kids to actively listen, and not just to us but others as well.
What does it mean to actively listen? It means your child is giving her full attention to the person speaking, and she’s trying to understand what is being said. An active listener shows verbal signs (e.g., remembering and questioning) and nonverbal signs (smiling, nodding head and avoiding distractions) of listening. Active listening is a skill that’s just as important as problem-solving and teamwork, and with time and patience, it’s one that can be acquired and cultivated.
If your child doesn’t show signs of being an active listener, he may have fallen into the trap of passive listening, which is simply hearing what the speaker is saying without trying to understand it. Kids who listen passively don’t retain information because they’re easily distracted. The good news is you can help reverse this habit and help your children improve their listening skills. Here are some great tips to share with your little listeners.
- Maintain eye contact. When people hold eye contact with someone speaking, they’re seen as reliable, sociable, confident and active. By focusing your eyes, you’re also improving concentration, which helps you fully understand what the speaker is saying.
- Don’t interrupt. Before trying to respond, allow the person speaking to complete his or her thought. Avoid interrupting, finishing sentences or rushing the speaker. Also, don’t try guessing or assuming where her thoughts are going. Just listen.
- Always ask questions. When you ask the speaker questions, you show you’re listening and interested in what’s being said.
- Repeat back what the speaker says. In your own words, repeat the main points of the message. This will ensure you heard and understood what was said.
It’s important to note that a child’s listening comprehension is more than just hearing what was said. It’s her ability to understand the meaning of the words she hears and to relate to them in some way. For example, when a child hears a story, he will be able to understand it, talk about it, and retell it in his own words.
Now that you and your child have the steps to become active listeners, it’s time to practice, practice, practice! Here are some great activities to help develop and perfect your child’s active-listening skills.
- Read stories with your child. Ask her to make a prediction about what will happen next. In order to make a logical guess, she will have to listen closely to the details of the story.
- Spend time in the kitchen cooking or baking together. Read the recipe to him while he listens and follows each step to complete the recipe correctly.
- Identify sounds. While your child’s eyes are closed, make sounds and have him try to identify them.
- Play a game that requires listening. For example, the telephone game. Get a small group together (friends or family members), and have one person whisper a sentence or two to the next person. Each person then repeats it to the next person until you reach the final person. Have the last person repeat aloud what he heard. It’s always fun to see how much the sentence(s) change.
- Carry on a conversation about something your child is interested in. This gives her a chance to practice both speaking and listening while engaging in a real conversation.
- Play a “Follow the Directions” game. Give your children short, simple instructions and have them draw according to the directions they hear.
Becoming a better listener takes a lot of concentration, determination and practice. By putting these active-listening techniques into action with your kids, you will help them become better communicators and build listening skills they will use for life.
Gina Klein is a mom and author who resides in Kansas City with her husband, two daughters and a houseful of pets.