Imagine your child is playing at the park when she is knocked down by another child. You look for the child’s parents but don’t see them. What do you do? Should you discipline another person’s child? Is it ever okay to discipline a child who is not your own? Sometimes yes. Other times no. Below are a few scenarios you might find yourself in with suggestions on how to respond.
- In the above scenario, if another kid intentionally and maliciously harms your child, then YES. You can and should intervene and discipline the aggressor. No one is allowed to hurt your child. However, if your child was accidentally pushed by a hyper child running by at the park, it might be more appropriate to suggest he move to another park area. You should know all the facts before getting involved.
- If a child is misbehaving in your home, YES. Your house = your rules. If a child is caught coloring on my carpet or painting my television with glitter glue, you bet I’m going to speak to her about the rules in our house.
- If your child’s safety is not impacted, but her positive experience is, NO. If a particularly tall child seems to be standing directly in front of yours at the zoo’s gorilla exhibit and continues to intentionally block his view, this is a good opportunity to teach your child to assert himself. He might say, “Excuse me. Do you mind moving to the side a bit? I cannot see,” and see how that goes. If the other child is determined to ruin this exhibit for your son, it’s probably time to move to a new one.
- If you think a child is behaving poorly but your children are not affected, NO. For example, you are watching your daughter’s softball game and a couple boys are zipping around on bicycles, cutting in and out of groups of people. You cringe seeing parents with babies and toddlers, but you don’t have a baby or toddler anymore. Yours are older and safely on the field or playing elsewhere. As much as you disagree with this unsafe behavior, this is probably not the time for you to speak up.
- If a child or group of children is harming another child, YES—even if that child is not your own. You are a parent. If you see something, say something. Do something. That might mean simply standing between the aggressors and the child. The same goes if children are harming an innocent animal. It is appropriate to speak up and discipline them to protect those who need help.
- If a child is being unkind to your child, but not physically harming her, NO. But again, this is a good opportunity to teach her to stand up for herself. My kids and I were once at an indoor play place and when we entered the playground area, another little girl yelled at my daughter that she was not allowed to play there. She also ripped toys out of my daughter’s hands. I took a breath, walked over to my child and very audibly stated that NO ONE is the boss of her. I stated very clearly that she could play where she chose to and deserves a turn with the toys. So while I did not directly discipline another child, I taught my own how to be assertive and showed her an example of it.
In your lifetime of parenting, you certainly may encounter a situation where disciplining another person’s child is appropriate. Remember, though, touching another person’s child is almost never appropriate. Only when the other child is hurting your son or daughter, needs to be physically separated from your child or you need to protect your child should you use physical contact—and then as little as possible. Unless contact is crucially necessary, parents should strictly use their words and presence as authority figures to convey discipline.
QUIZ: True or False?
- It is appropriate to intervene if you see kids hurting another child. TRUE
- You should discipline a child who is ruining your child’s fun. FALSE
- It is rarely, almost never, acceptable to touch another person’s child. TRUE
- Oftentimes, the best course of action is to teach your child to stand up for herself rather than intervening yourself and disciplining another child. TRUE
- It is okay to discipline a child who does not follow the rules in your home. TRUE
Olathe mom Karen Johnson has three children, ages 6, 4 and 2. She writes at The21stCenturySAHM.com.