That shadow looked creepy! I can’t see anything in here! Where are you?
Sound familiar? Many children experience being afraid of the dark, a fear officially known as nyctophobia. It can make bedtime difficult and evenings in the winter challenging, but there are some practical ways for kids to move past that fear and turn those shadows into more friendly imaginative creatures.
Simone Moody, PhD, a clinical psychologist with Children’s Mercy, says children are susceptible to fears as their brains develop and they begin to understand that it is possible to experience harm.
She says the first step to helping kids overcome this fear is having them acknowledge it and asking for specifics about their fear. As they discuss how they feel, you may discover some changes you can make to help. This might include using a night-light, a comfort item or closing the closet door. Also, you might find they don’t struggle with the fear as much when their room is clean and various objects are not casting shadows on the wall.
Lee’s Summit mom Beka Baumgarten says although her children have not experienced significant fear of the dark, she lets them choose a color of night-light as a fun way of enjoying nighttime in their rooms.
Reassuring kids they are safe, is important, but don’t overdo it, Moody says. Drawing excessive attention to the fear will reinforce the perceived threat in kids’ minds, she says. Additionally, avoid rescuing a child when she is not in danger, as this can prevent kids from learning how to self-calm.
“You may unintentionally reinforce the fear by allowing your child to escape or avoid the dark when they are scared,” Moody says. “Rescuing your child can prevent them from learning the self-calming skills they need to cope without you.”
Gradually challenge children to face their fear in small, tolerable ways, she says. This practice can teach kids their fear of the dark is a false alarm and gives them an opportunity to learn to regulate their emotions on their own.
“Meet children where they are at,” Moody says. “For example, you may start with challenging them to 30 seconds in the dark with a parent during the day. You can gradually fade parental presence, increase the length of the exposure and change the time of day to build their confidence.”
Having the child make positive statements, such as “I am safe in the dark” and “The dark helps me sleep,” can build confidence as well, according to Moody.
Lee’s Summit mom Carol Quinnelly says her young son was often scared to go downstairs to retrieve his blanket when some lights were off. She says she assured him it was okay to go downstairs and no monsters were down there. After facing this challenge a few times, he began to realize there were no monsters downstairs.
In many instances, fear of the dark is rooted in an active imagination, as kids often think they see things that are not real.
“Imagination is part of brain development,” Moody says. “Channel their imaginations to make them experience less fear or make the situation less scary.”
To accomplish this, make positive associations with the dark. Consider having fun family conversations after dark and ask the kids to come up with funny stories while talking in a mostly dark room.
The good news is most kids generally outgrow this fear on their own. Before you know it, your child who was once afraid of the dark might begin enjoying nighttime activities.
Having fun in the dark fun
It’s hard to be afraid of the dark when the dark is fun! How can you make the dark places fun for your child?
Psychologist Simone Moody offers the following tips for making positive associations with nighttime:
- Have the child image a monster doing a stilly activity or dressing in a funny costume. Drawing the monster with funny characteristics is bound to make the child laugh as well.
- Practice making shadow puppets.
- Have a dance party with glow sticks.
- Play flashlight tag.
Other ideas for fun:
- Teach your child to appreciate nighttime outside by looking up at the stars together. Consider getting a small telescope for better gazing.
- When it gets dark, read a book of jokes by flashlight. This will help the child begin associating the dark with laughter.
- Play soothing music when it is dark.
- If they are ready for a challenge, go camping and teach them that the sounds they hear at night have explanations.
Allison Gibeson is a Lee’s Summit writer and mom.
As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.