What’s the very first thing you think of when you hear the word etiquette? Someone raising a glass to engage in a toast inside a huge auditorium with hundreds of people dressed in ball gowns and tailor-made suits? Do you think of dinner napkins formed into the shape of a swan surrounded by a dizzying assortment of glass- and tableware? Or do you panic because you have no clue the difference between the dinner fork and the salad fork? When I think of the word, my mind takes me to a tiny French bistro somewhere on a hilltop in Paris. I see the Eiffel tower distant in the foreground and a beautifully baked croissant on a small plate. Wishful thinking, right?
Well believe it or not, etiquette isn't all about the glitz and glamour or the finer things in life. The essence of etiquette is simply polite behavior in group settings, and with good instruction, little ones can learn it. Below you'll find a few tips and tricks on how to get your youngsters to behave with manners—and you might even pick up a few things that will be handy at your next cocktail mixer!
1. Practice what you preach.
If you use kind words like please and thank you at the table and in small social settings, you can be sure your children will too. Parents, practice asking your child or children to pass something to you at the table. Start with something small like a dinner napkin or fork, then slowly graduate to heavier, more important things on the table. For example, ask your child to help you carry the paper towels to the table, then graduate to plates, then rolls, then side dishes. Finally, when they are fit enough, have them carry the big ticket items like the family's Sunday night chicken or the Thanksgiving turkey. Remember to praise them. The best reward for good behavior is praise. Acknowledge your child for the great things they've done.
2. Use good manners at the table.
Manners are key at the table. Most times for dinner we are in the comfort of our own homes, so we really are relaxed, and we don't pay attention to the bad habits we create. My tip to you: Stop it before it starts! If you create bad habits at home, you can be sure your child—and even you—will be taking those same habits out into the world. When at the table remember to:
- Say please and thank you when giving or receiving something.
- Keep your elbows off the table.
- Help your children use dinnerware correctly (show them how to cut with a knife if you need to).
- Don't chew with your mouth open, don't talk with your mouth full, and be sure to take small bites.
- Absolutely no devices at the table! Instead, talk about work, school, events and games.
3. Be present, be poised, be patient.
Be present when teaching manners, especially to little ones. Always make eye contact and explain to your child that undivided attention is key in conversations. Also remember poise. Stand up straight and shake hands firmly. This tip is important when teaching etiquette because its expresses a clear sign of respect and courtesy. This tip also is great at the table and when mingling. It will help you and your child make friends! Last but not least, be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day, and teaching good manners is an ongoing practice with tools that change every day. With more practice, you and your child will be ready for anything.
Jessica Samuel lives in Kansas City and is a freelance writer and photographer.