Did you recently bring home your first newborn baby? Do you have four babies that are all currently in school? Now, do you also relate to so-called “mommy brain”? Are things a bit foggy? Do you often forget various things like playdates, school projects, the still wet laundry sitting in the washing machine or even why you walked into a room?
Did you recently bring home your first newborn baby? Do you have four babies that are all currently in school? Now, do you also relate to so-called “mommy brain”? Are things a bit foggy? Do you often forget various things like playdates, school projects, the still wet laundry sitting in the washing machine or even why you walked into a room?
Did you just read the same paragraph twice and wonder if you were really losing your mind? (You’re not, that was on purpose!) But that’s what mommy brain is like sometimes, isn’t it? We can be well intentioned to sit down and read a quick article to relate to and learn from and sometimes we keep reading the same paragraph over and over again without even realizing it!
Bouncing back after having a baby is challenging on all fronts, not just physically. But fear not! Mommy brain is a real thing, so rest assured that you’re not alone. According to WhatToExpect.com, “During pregnancy and after giving birth, a mother's brain changes. Gray matter decreases in certain parts of the brain during pregnancy and then increases in some brain regions postpartum. This pruning of neurons seems to help your brain specialize in all those new maternal skills once your little one arrives.”
Katie Kuhlman, a lactation and postpartum nurse and mother of three, assures, “Mom brain is a legit thing. As mothers, we are caregivers, and we have to remember so much about everyone that things naturally slip. Our brain automatically prioritizes certain tasks, like feeding the baby, over others. It's often driven by the exhaustion and caretaking involved with motherhood.”
Our brains actually get rewired to better care for our helpless babies. Just amazing! We can become hyper-focused on our baby’s needs and tell the difference between different cries. Especially when we are so often sleep deprived those first few months, it’s critical that we meet the most important needs of the day. The rest of the stuff we can gradually catch up to along the way or have someone else help with.
When you think about it, newborns require a lot of mental energy. We must remember when they need to eat next, as well as how much or which side to breastfeed from first, how many wet diapers they’ve had, how their bowels are, what size diapers they need next, what size clothing they need, when their next doctor’s appointment is and more! It’s a lot on top of caring for yourself and your household.
Then as our baby grows, our brains keep evolving to best care for our children at each stage. An easy example of this is when a mom with a toddler visits a mom with school-aged kids, and the mom of the toddler immediately scans her friend’s house for possible dangers such as the lack of outlet covers, the ungated stairs, the breakable figurine within the little one’s reach and more. The mom of older children has grown and adapted with her own children and doesn’t even consider these concerns while the mom of the toddler is hyper-aware of them to best care for her own child.
So really, mom brain is pretty amazing—even if it’s frustrating or embarrassing at times. But in the end, adulting in general is challenging … there’s so much to remember. Add in being responsible for other people’s well-being can be a lot to manage! As kids get older, life tends to get more complicated with school and activity schedules and doctor, dentist and orthodontist appointments, along with meal planning, laundry and spending quality time as a family. There are some tips and tricks that can help you manage mom brain and help alleviate things falling through the cracks.
Tips:
- Give yourself grace and know you’re not alone.
- All the lists—whether they’re good old-fashioned pen and paper for a daily to-do list, Post-it notes on the door to remember the diaper bag and library books, digital reminders to recall doctor appointments or a mixture of both! I personally use both because writing things down helps my brain, but digital reminders help too. I have a monthly white board family calendar, keep a paper planner and use Alexa to help with things like reminders to set the garbage bin out each Wednesday and to feed our dogs in the whirlwind of making dinner each night. Find what works for you.
- Self-care. Yes, it’s elusive but it matters. Taking care of yourself well helps you better care for others. Focus on hydration and sleeping as much as you can because sleep deprivation is truly challenging. Then focus on feeding yourself well and moving your body.
- Do the best you can and focus on the positive. I loved a recent episode of This Is Us where Jack (the dad) falls asleep while taking his triplets to their first movie at the theater. He feels terrible about it, but his wife reminds him that “until a day is over, there’s always a chance you’ll remember it for something else.” At the end of the day, the kids remember that they got to have ice cream sundaes while watching a movie from home. Keep that nugget in your back pocket.
Even if your mommy brain doesn’t bounce back right after pregnancy, embrace the fact that your brain actually changed for the better and for a pretty amazing reason.
Laughable Mommy Moments—No, you’re not alone!
“I make lists, because my brain can’t remember anything these days, but I also keep forgetting and losing my lists,” admits Heidi Murray, mother of four. (Tip: Take a picture of your list if you’re prone to forgetting it at home like I am!)
“I was pregnant and I lost a package of meat. I kept looking everywhere and found it in my closet. I have no idea why I carried it in there and set it down. Luckily, it was still frozen!” says Sarah Lyons, mother of six.
“I showed up to work still in my slippers,” says Lori Tate, mother of three.
“I melted an entire cutting board on my stove top because I forgot I had just used it and it was still hot,” recalls Kristin Gienger, mother of three.
Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 11, Mason, 10, and Slade, 7, and writes to-do lists daily but often looks back and still sees things she forgot about weeks ago!