Mom gives and gives … and gives some more. It’s easy to look to the needs of absolutely everyone else. Mothers support their entire families, but that can take a toll on their mental, physical and emotional health, leaving them feeling burnt out, resentful and frustrated. Mom, it’s time to make yourself a priority.
We hear the words self-care often, but how do we make time for it in our busy mom era? We have to be intentional with our time. We must use our time and energy for the things that drive us, bring us joy and rejuvenate us while also eliminating or delegating things that exhaust, stress or overload us.
According to “The 7 Pillars of Self-Care (And How to Use Them)” by The Blissful Mind, the pillars are mental, emotional, physical, environmental, spiritual, recreational and social. Do your best to incorporate activities that will benefit all seven pillars of self-care into your routine. The more we fill ourselves up, the more we have to give to our children and the better parents we will be.
Plan Time for You
Between getting the kids ready for school, working a full day, extracurricular activities, dinner, baths and bedtime, there’s not a lot of room in the calendar for Mom. That is why it’s important to plan your day ahead of time so you can carve out pockets of time for you to take care of yourself. I find I’m more successful at this when I write it on the family calendar or to-do list.
Perhaps you wake up 30 minutes earlier than your family so you have time for a cup of coffee before the day’s chaos begins. Or maybe you use your hour lunch break to take a walk and listen to your favorite podcast. Or you carve out time weekly to take a long bath and read a book.
Making time for other people is also helpful and replenishes your social battery. If you set a date to go to book club every month with a friend or go running with your neighbor, you are much less likely to back out because someone else is involved. No matter what helps you relax, be sure to work it into your calendar.
Find a Support Group
Find a group of people who understand you and the struggles of being a mom. Having a group of friends that can support you and relate to you is so beneficial for your social well-being. Once you’ve found your group, you will find you can lean on each other for advice and can even tag-team things like carpooling to and from school or extracurricular activities. You can find your people through church, work, online mom groups, book clubs, at the gym or maybe even in your neighborhood.
Treat Yourself
Most mothers do their best to make sure their children have everything they need and most of what they want, but their own wants and needs tend to get lost in the shuffle. Try to find small ways you can treat yourself. These small glimmers of joy will help your mental health. I like to get a brew from my favorite local coffee shop a few times a week. It brightens my day and breaks up the monotony of the mornings a bit. Some other ideas are to enjoy a little retail therapy, a massage, a pedicure, getting your hair done or picking out a new perfume.
Take a Day Off
I believe everyone deserves a day off. Days off are rare for mothers. Even if they take the day off work, they often have responsibilities at home to take care of. A few times a year, I take a day off work with the sole purpose of staying home and doing absolutely nothing. I like to spend the day reading, taking a bath, napping and catching up on Netflix. I even order in food so I don’t have to leave the house. This day off is just what I need to recharge my batteries and feel rejuvenated.
Exercise
Your physical health is critical. By keeping an exercise routine, you’ll feel fit, boost your mood and give yourself more energy to take on the rest of your day. Work time into your schedule for moving your body in whatever way you enjoy. Take a nature walk, listen to music while you hit the gym or join a volleyball team that keeps you active and gives you time to be social with friends.
Do What You Love
Think back to before you were a mom. What did you look forward to most? Was it reading, taking pilates classes, painting or running? Everyone needs to find a fun or creative outlet. It’s easy to get lost in motherhood and forget about previous hobbies, but make time to do these things again. Not only does it make us moms happier and more patient, but it also shows our children it’s important for parents to have fun and enjoy their own interests as well.
Just Say No
One way to help keep balance in your life is to create boundaries and begin saying no. It’s OK to tell your children they can only do one sport per season or let a friend know your schedule is too packed to make it to a party. You don’t have to sign up to volunteer for every party at your children’s school. You can choose just one—or maybe that stresses you out and you decide to opt out entirely this year! Find the balance of making time for the things you enjoy and releasing the things in your life that you don’t need. You will begin to find a sense of calm and extra time to make yourself a priority.
Be Kind to Yourself
Part of making yourself a priority is giving yourself grace and being kind to yourself. Many mothers feel “mom guilt” when they take time to themselves. If I go to dinner with friends, I feel guilty for not being home with my kids and leaving the evening chores to my husband. But I try to give myself grace and remind myself I need time to recharge, so my children get the very best version of me.
Regan Lyons is a girl mom and freelance writer. She lives with her husband, Cale, and daughters, Atley, 10, and Ensley, 4, in St. Joseph.