When your cat bites you or a friend, you know she is agitated, startled or feeling scared. That is exactly why children bite! They do not have the coping skills to understand why they have strong emotions nor how to respond when situations seem out of their control.
When babies bite, it is usually because they are in pain and teething. They do it to relieve those swollen gums. And when they are very young, they use their mouths to explore the world, so everything winds up in the oral cavity! They can’t keep themselves from biting objects within reach. Another reason children bite is to get attention. Toddlers will experiment by biting a friend or sibling to hear the cry or other reaction, not realizing it actually hurts the person. When a child feels ignored, doing something that elicits discipline—whether positive or negative—is a way of getting noticed. Biting, like hitting, is a way children can assert themselves when they are still too young to express their feelings through words. To young children, biting is a way of getting back at a favorite toy, letting you know they are unhappy or letting other children know they want to be left alone.
A simple fix for teething babies is a cool teething ring or frozen washcloth. Try to avoid situations that make children irritable enough to bite. Make sure little ones have a set eating and napping schedule and stick to it. This way, when you take them out to play, they will be better equipped. Goldfish crackers and veggie sticks can soothe your child’s crankiness when you’re out at a park or another activity.
As soon as you feel your child is old enough, encourage the use of words. Practice at home when it is quiet and safe. Help your child learn to identify and name the big feelings that lead to lashing out, just like you teach colors, animals and shapes. This will give your child the vocabulary to express those big emotions. Guide her to say, “That’s my toy,” or “I’m mad at you,” instead of biting. Keep in mind that, at this early age, sometimes going ahead and shortening activities to give your child a break can prevent the rising frustration that can lead to biting and other bad behaviors.
Extra attention, such as reading or playing together, is important when children are going through big life events, such as moving or welcoming a new baby brother or sister to the family. If your child still bites, keep an eye on playmates and step in when the tension starts rising.
Never underestimate the power of distraction! When you see the bite coming, step in quickly with a toy, game, coloring book or other interesting activity. Make sure to respond immediately. If your little one bites before you can step in, remove your child from the person he bit so he can calm down and to prevent the situation from escalating out of hand.
Remember, young children have short attention spans, so if you don’t act quickly, they may not connect your response with what they did. If your child is throwing a tantrum, hold her arms firmly but gently, pick her up and let her cool down in silence. Make sure to supervise at all times. Try not to react with anger. Yelling lets your child know her biting causes a big reaction, which unintentionally reinforces the behavior.
Tell your child that biting is not OK and that we do not bite people. Clear instruction is crucial: “Stop, no biting. Biting hurts.” Avoid being vague, saying something like, “Be nice to Sally.” Keep your response short and clearly name the specific bad behavior, biting, so your child understands your point.
Another technique is to turn the situation around. Instead of paying so much attention to your child, pay attention to the child who was bitten. Once again, giving attention to the biter makes your child think he will be the star of the show the next time it happens. Tell the child who was bitten, “I’m sorry this happened. I know biting really hurts, but I’ll help you feel better.” When you apologize, your child will understand that he hurt someone. Help him develop empathy and learn how to say, “I’m sorry.”
As the parent, you know your child better than anybody else does. Often, you will recognize why he suddenly lashes out. A good way to keep track is to start a journal and write down times and situations when biting occurs. For example, every time you go to the park, your child may bite a person on the slide, or when he goes to play group he bites during snack time. Then, make teaching moments. Discuss specific situations with your child and put it in his court. This way, you will plant the thought in his mind so next time he is on the slide, or sharing snacks, he will be more apt to wait his turn!
Always remember this, too, shall pass.
An avid outdoors girl, Judy Goppert lives in Lee’s Summit. She enjoys drawing on her personal experiences to write about the nuances of everything wonderful about life.
Sources: WebMD.com, WikiHow.life