We all have warts. Ugly parenting moments when we stir the pot reminding our kids of their past mistakes, or turn green in the face over some minor annoyance, or flip a lid and shriek at the littles like a witch. Looking back at our behavior, we easily can brew up a frothy cauldron of guilt and trick ourselves into believing we’re the mother of all that’s wicked. But that sort of thinking is just like picking at warts: It only amplifies the ugly and causes our guilt fungus to fester. Here’s what to try instead.
1. Make good with guilt.
Parenting warts don’t make you a witch. They make you 100 percent human. Your guilt is only a signal you want to do better. The problem with guilt is that it doesn’t feel good, and we tend to resist uncomfortable feelings. But emotions we resist persist.
What if you could just sit with guilt and welcome it? Notice where and how you feel it in your body as you breathe, without judgment or resistance.
Hello, Guilt. You feel like a molten stomach and a heaviness upon my head and shoulders.
Where and how does guilt present in your body?
2. Examine your warts.
Think of guilt as a professor and ask what lessons she has come to teach. Uncomfortable emotions are surprisingly insightful under examination. Guilt holds up a magnifying glass, helping you see your parenting warts with clarity so you can excise them with precision.
Professor Guilt, what are you trying to point out and magnify? Are there patterns of behavior or thoughts I need to examine and change? Are there triggers I can plan for or situations I need to address? Teach me; I’m your willing student.
What is guilt teaching you about situations, behaviors, thoughts and emotional triggers?
3. Conjure new habits.
Thank your teacher, Professor Guilt, and assure her you’ll do your homework so that she can depart. Start with a small assignment and focus on one parenting wart at a time. What’s one new habit you can embrace to replace a warty behavior?
Assignment: I’m going to work on not yelling at my kids. Because my triggers usually show up in the morning when we’re trying to get out the door, my plan is to wake everyone up 15 minutes early and practice deep breathing when I feel frustrated.
What parenting wart are you ready to remove? What is your plan for change?
Become a student of Professor Guilt, and POOF! Suddenly you’re a little less warty.
Mojo for Moms: ˈmōjō: 1. influence, especially magic power 2. mom joy
Wendy Connelly, M.Div., is a podcaster (MoJo For Moms podcast), Christian life coach and mother of two. She’s the admin for the MoJo For Moms Facebook group and posts her latest podcasts and content at MoJoForMoms.com.