Picture this – your toddler is starting Mother’s Day Out. You’ll have several uninterrupted hours to catch up on errands, be able to enter a restroom alone and even put on makeup before having lunch with a friend! What a fabulous day! However, the fantasy comes to a screeching halt with one phone call from the school saying there’s been a “biting” episode in class. “Someone bit my child?! How dare they!” (Silence) “What…MY child is the biter…?!”
If this scenario is familiar to you, you are not alone. Toddler biting is developmentally appropriate for many children “between the ages of 18 months and 2 ½ years,” says nationally known Dr. William Sears, MD. It can be a stressful time for parents. “The parents of the biter are embarrassed; while the parents of the bitee are angry their child has been hurt.”
Lisa Joyce, a Prairie Village mother of four, says her kids “all went through the biting phase. Usually beginning at age two, but (one) did it more than the others and bit until age four.” She said, “If he was wrestling and if the other kid was bigger, biting was the weapon of choice.”
Usually a youngster doesn’t just run across the room and bite another child. Certified Child Life Specialist Trista Tate, KCMO, says “A child doesn't just go from happy to angry without any stage in between.” The most common triggers are: teething (it feels good to bite on something), frustration (stemming from limited verbal communication skills), attention-seeking (how better to get someone’s attention?) and self-defense (effective way to win a fight with the big kid). Tate says the biting behavior can usually be eliminated or minimized with appropriate responses from caregivers. “If a child is biting due to teething, provide teething toys for the child prior to the child’s biting. If a child bites due to frustration, watch for the individual child's triggers.”
Arlys Tarwater, director of Rolling Hills Preschool/Mother’s Day Out in Overland Park, says they have “the biting child look at (the bite mark), teach them to use their words and have them apologize. ‘We don’t hurt our friends and if you forget the rule again, you’ll have to sit in time-out,’” is the staff’s standard reply. Giving attention to the bitee, before focusing on the biting child, makes it clear that biting is a poor way to seek attention. Also, having the biting child offer a tissue, a bandage or an icepack can teach empathy. Tarwater says biting is “the hardest childhood behavior in a group setting for parents.” Her programs notify both sets of parents to make them aware of the event. “If skin hasn’t been broken, the parent does not have to pick up the child; but if skin is broken, then we will call and ask them to pick up their child and instruct them to call their pediatrician immediately.”
If you are a parent of a toddler who repeatedly bites, remember this phase should subside after the second year. However, if the behavior continues after three years of age, parents may need to seek out additional methods to help their child overcome aggression. The family pediatrician can be a good resource for help and advice.
Stacey Hatton is an Overland Park mom of two toddler girls, who thankfully don’t mistake other children for part of the four food groups.