Are you tired of your child’s begging and pleading for the most expensive toy on the store shelf only to play with it for a week and never pick it up again? Do your children forget to say “please” and “thank you” when they’re given something special? Teaching gratitude can be tough—especially to toddlers and preschoolers who are, by nature, self-centered. In fact, children under the age of 7 have difficulty understanding other people’s feelings and being motivated to do the right thing. But this doesn’t mean it’s impossible to instill gratitude into your little ones, because you can. After all, no one is born grateful.
According to research done by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkely, “… people who practice gratitude feel considerably happier (25%) than those in a control group; they are more joyful, enthusiastic, interested and determined.” Studies have also shown that grateful kids have better relationships with family and friends, higher GPAs, less materialism, less envy and less depression, along with a desire to give back to their community.
By learning gratitude, children actually develop empathy and become sensitive to others’ feelings. Grateful kids can see and understand that their parents and others do things for them, such as prepare dinner, buy gifts and wash their clothes. Children who aren’t taught to be grateful end up feeling entitled and disappointed.
By age 2 or 3, children can talk about being thankful for certain toys, pets and people. Even if they don’t speak very clearly yet, they can point to things they are happy to have in their lives just by your asking them. By age 4, a child can understand being thankful for not only the material things but for acts of kindness and love, too.
So, how can you instill gratitude into your children? Here are some great tips to get you started.
- Say “please” and “thank you.” Always use your own manners with your children by saying “please” when appropriate and “thank you” when they do something right. After all, children model parent behavior in every way.
- Make gratitude part of your daily conversation. Try picking a time of day to talk about what you’re thankful for. Whether it’s first thing in the morning, at the dinner table or during bedtime prayers, have each person talk about something they are thankful for. When you reinforce an idea frequently, it’s more likely to stick!
- Write thank you notes. Have your children always write a thank you note to someone who gives them a gift, does something nice for them or comes for a visit. Get them used to saying “thank you.”
- Set expectations when shopping. If your child is like most, he wants a toy every time you go shopping. To help your child understand that he cannot get something every time you shop, tell him when it’s merely a “look” day instead of a “buy” day. Explain that “look” days are like going to a museum; you enjoy looking at things, but aren’t going to buy them. Eventually, children will get it and begin asking what kind of day it is—a “look” or a “buy.”
- Make it a habit to give and volunteer. Allow your children to help you gather and donate toys and clothing in good condition to a good cause, and let them go with you to drop the items off. Volunteer with your children for good causes in your community, whether through your church or organizations such as Harvesters. Or simply have your child help you make a pot of soup for a sick neighbor or friend.
- Create (and decorate) a gratitude list. Have each member of the family create a list of things they’re grateful for. Then, decorate the lists and hang them for all to see. These are great ways to help kids remember that the things we’re grateful for are especially important.
- Have your children help. Allow your children to do simple chores, such as stacking the dinner dishes, folding the laundry or feeding the dog. By helping out around the house, they learn that everything takes effort.
- Practice the art of saying “No.” Kids want it all, and as parents, we’d love to give them everything they ask for. However, when they’re given everything they ask for, they’ll find it impossible to feel grateful for anything they receive. Saying “no” a lot makes the days you say “yes” that much more special.
- Teach through role play. If you have an extremely shy child who is too afraid to say “thank you” in a social setting, she can teach her dolls or stuffed animals to do so while you play along.
- Don’t demand a thank you. “I work my tail off for you, and you never say thanks!” How many of us have heard this at some point in our lives? Avoid demanding thanks from your children. They will remember your example much more than threats or humiliation.
- Be patient. Don’t expect gratitude to develop overnight, because it won’t. It can take weeks, months or even years of reinforcement. No worries. You will be rewarded in the end if you stick with it.
Kansas City mom Gina Klein is an author/writer/photographer who believes strongly in the power of gratefulness and saying thank you.