Routines and schedules. Some people hate the concepts and some love them. Our brains function better when we have them. Or at least a rough one. Truth is, all sorts of families function all sorts of ways, depending on lots of different things: jobs, school, age, family, personal interests, the list could go on. The fact is that no single routine or schedule will fit everyone’s needs.
Are you the type of person who runs the other way when you hear the word schedule or plan? I suggest giving a framework another consideration. Are you the type who gets overwhelmed because you have a thousand things to get done but when you make your list, it’s not quite as intimidating? Most likely you have a to-do list like you do a calendar, all on your phone. I challenge you to write it down.
Physically write your activities; do some different colors. Whatever works for your brain. This will help you to see what’s going on and potentially provide some structure. Even minimal structure will help. When you physically write out a calendar, it may look like a lot, but don’t let it discourage you. Yes, we’re all busy, but getting a realistic picture of things helps us make smart decisions for our family.
When you look at that packed schedule, do you feel like you need more downtime? Schedule it. You may think I’m nuts when I tell you to schedule downtime. If you don’t schedule it, will you take some? We’ll have every intention of doing it, but we won’t. Then we’ll be even more stressed. In today’s world, downtime seems a luxury we have to work for. I think downtime should be a necessity. Give yourself time to recharge. Even if that means sitting down to read, watch your favorite show or do an art project, whatever it is that helps you recharge. We will ultimately burn out if we don’t take the time.
In the end, your schedule belongs to your family. Before you accommodate anyone outside the family, make sure to preserve time for the things your family needs to function well. Remember this eye-opening thought: When you or anyone in your family says yes to anything, you are saying no to something else. Set your priorities and form your routines and schedules in the way that works best for you. Be lenient with yourself and allow wiggle room. I’ve found setting routines to be a good start and using my schedule as a somewhat rigid guideline to work best for me.
All of us can fly by the seat of our pants for a little while. Eventually, though, we sail cluelessly past something important. Any schedule and routine regularly implemented is a smart schedule. That implementation can be tricky to achieve, though.
Do you notice a theme? Make the schedule that works for you first. Maybe it will take you a month or two to figure out a groove. Keep shifting and adjusting. Eventually something will work. Just don’t be surprised when the seasons shift and your schedule needs a shift.
Here are some tips to help. These come from my own experiences, as well as some who have raised families successfully. Think these things through:
Take into account your family goals.
- Do you want less screen time?
- Do you want a family day? Or a family morning or afternoon? Should it be weekly or monthly?
- Aim for simple structure. Schedules don’t have to be complicated or stressful.
At month’s end, take 20 to 30 minutes to reevaluate areas.
- Things happen and change; your schedule very well may need to shift (that’s okay).
- Make sure the calendar is visible to all.
- Get input from everyone. Make the process fun for everyone, so they are excited and engaged in the calendar. It might be more effective.
Start with chunks of time with a little wiggle room.
- Work, classes, practices and other activities take time. Put in the recurring time chunks.
- Add in the smaller things after big chunks.
- When you have free time, be intentional with it. Don’t waste it.
Individual Interests
- Give family time for individual interests.
- Set some time for one person to pick a shared activity with the family, so you can all do it together. You may not all enjoy the same things, but this approach builds shared interests and strong relationships.
Lauren Dreher lives in Stilwell with her husband and two toddlers. She enjoys setting and following a daily routine.