Raise your hand if you've found yourself, as a parent, overwhelmed by the myriad of "good things" available for your child? Specifically, I'm referring to extra-curricular activities including, but not limited to: Sports, Music, Art, Drama, Academic Competitions, Specialty Classes, Church Activities, and Scouts / Clubs. There is merit to everything on the list. And, what parent doesn't want their child to grow up well-rounded, having the chance to explore new things, learn teamwork, and develop great skills that will benefit them later in life? And so, the temptation strikes... the temptation to do everything. And the struggle... how do you choose what to do without becoming "Jack of all trades, Master of none."?
And there is more... there is the family calendar and there are family priorities. This semester, we were faced with many extra-curricular opportunities. Every one was "good." But, there were some details that were key and had to be considered before we agreed to do things. One of those "family values" for us is having family time (dinner together, bedtime stories, and the flexibility to enjoy the park, outings, etc, when we want), and another is having a peaceful family atmosphere.
My kids aren't perfect and they do misbehave from time to time, but one thing I've learned over the years is that their misbehavior escalates when we do not:
- Sleep at "basically" consistent times (if we make a special exception for a late-night outdoor summer theater show, for instance, I plan for late-sleeping and a relaxing following day).
- Eat at "basically" consistent times (if an exception MUST be made, we try to plan snacks, rest and other details as wisely as possible, but most importantly, this should be a "rare" exception - not a weekly change). Note: By basically consistent, for us, that generally means within an hour.
- Have daily opportunities for "unstructured play."
- Get physical exercise daily (or worst case, every other day).
Every time I observe my young girls starting to misbehave in bigger ways (tantrums for instance), I can look back at the week and see that one of those key areas fell to the wayside and was a significant contributing factor. And, when I ponder it, the same is true for me as an adult when my stress point is reached - I've failed to manage time well to care for those basic needs (OR sometimes / almost always, circumstances out of my control prevented those areas from being met) and that's when stress hits.
So, we found ourselves to be tempted by several "good things" this semester, but in most cases, it meant being out far past bedtime, leaving prior to meal time, and trying to squeeze in some quick nutrition before bed. The more we talked it over, the more convinced we were that for us, "good" wasn't "best" and we'd come to regret the stress that would result in our family if young children sacrificed healthy dinners and proper bedtimes on a weekly basis. It was hard to say no... in fact, I had to battle some "Mom guilt" over the decisions. But, as my husband pointed out - these won't be the girls' last opportunities and the potential to disrupt our family life in negative ways was high. Bottom line? We prefer happier / healthier / not-too-often-temper-tantrum-throwing children and "going to the park because it's nice outside and our calendar is free" over being over-booked, tired, and stressed. It was a hard choice to make, but I'm glad.
And, in the future, we'll seek out other opportunities trying to keep our family values and priorities in mind first as we choose... and knowing that as our girls get older, bedtime will move and factors may change.
How do you pick your extra-curricular activities wisely? Any great tips for success?
Written by Kristina Light