We see them everywhere: commercials, sit-coms, ads in our magazines and even at our local parks. Those families who seem to have it all together. That picture perfect group who all appear rested, happy and to truly enjoy each other’s company. In this crazy life full of errands, work stress and never-ending to-do lists, how do these families accomplish this? Some of us look on them with envy, but most of us just want to learn their secrets.
“When I see those parents who seem to have it all together, I always wonder what their secret is. Some days, I feel so scattered. I feel like that is half the reason moms I know spend so much time on Pinterest and mom blogs—we all want to know the secret for it all to just be a bit easier!” says Emily Thompson, Shawnee mom.
If your family goals in 2016 include achieving a more harmonious household, here are a few tips from metro moms:
Don’t overcommit. A packed schedule doesn’t automatically make a happy family. Keeping your time organized can help keep everyone on track, but allowing time to enjoy the things that matter and protecting your free time can help prevent stress from building up. “When we are rushing from one thing to another, even just on family outings, it is hard to enjoy the time together. Sometimes, just goofing around in the backyard is the best way for us to blow off steam and unwind,” says Becki Carter, Olathe mom.
Get everyone involved. When you make plans as a family, the easiest way to ensure everyone will have fun is to include everyone in the planning. Take turns choosing where you go and what you do, so each family member gets a turn to voice an option. “We take turns planning our family time. This takes the pressure off of me to plan something fun each time, and I know when one of the kids picks something, it is something they really enjoy,” Tammy Hield, Olathe mom, says. “Plus, that gives us a chance to try out things they like and keeps us connected.”
Create traditions. Whether it is donuts on Saturday mornings or a monthly picnic in the park, making small traditions keeps everyone engaged and on the same page. When the group looks forward to the same event, it automatically creates a feeling of solidarity. Traditions are also great for making memories! “We have a monthly movie night. We take turns picking the movie, and a different person gets to pick the snacks each time,” Kelly Mills, Lee’s Summit mom, says. “It is low key, but we all look forward to it. And keeping it on the calendar each month means we all make time for it.”
Make mealtime mean something. Mealtime can be a great moment for family bonding. Encourage all members of the family to participate in meal planning so everyone feels ownership. Put away the devices, turn off the television and make time for catching up and sharing the news of the day! It doesn’t have to be dinner—find a mealtime that works with your family’s schedule.
Keep it in perspective. Some things are worth punishments or conversations and some things aren’t. The world is full of accidents and unintentional mishaps. If a family member hurts your feelings, forgets an important date or does not behave the way you would like, take a pause before addressing it. When you do approach a family member in these situations, avoid accusations. Talk about your feelings and perceptions while allowing the other person to share as well.
Remember what matters. To keep your stress levels down, put the things that matter most to you at the top of the to-do list. If you can’t concentrate on family game night when the kitchen is a mess, make time to clean up the kitchen—but don’t feel the need to tackle the whole house. “My kids have their things, my husband has his and I have mine,” says Shelly Martin, Overland Park mom. “We each know what we need to do to be able to relax and enjoy each other. We do those things, but we don’t let our to-do lists get so long that they take over.” Some families make a list of family rules or a family mission statement based on what matters to them the most. When life gets too hectic, they refer back to their family’s foundation and are able to find solutions that are in line with what is meaningful to them.
Fostering Affection to Promote Bonding
A great way to promote family bonding is by showing affection for one another. When parents demonstrate this behavior, children learn how to provide verbal and physical nurturing. Here are few tips to get you started:
- Offer verbal praise and reassurance, even for small accomplishments or set-backs.
- Check in with each other frequently; being specific generally provides the most detailed response. Ask about a certain class or project when your kids get home from school rather than asking about the entire day.
- Physical affection can build closeness and trust. Everything from a hug to a high-five allows for a positive connection through touch.
- Small favors can mean big rewards. If someone in the house is having a tough day, pitch in and help out without being asked. This will show the person he has support and his feelings are being recognized, even if he isn’t verbalizing them yet.
Melissa Bellach is a freelance writer and mother of two living in Overland Park.