Bad habits are something we all recognize in other people’s children, but any honest parent will tell you even their angelic child is probably hiding some behaviors more appropriate for the animals at Deanna Rose Farmstead. Take heart: overcoming bad habits is an important part of a child’s developmental process, and even the most well-behaved child tries out different habits as he matures.
Tackling bad habits is not for the faint of heart. I learned early on not to make a threat I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) keep: When I told my perennially dawdling daughter she couldn’t go to a birthday party at Pump It Up if she didn’t get her shoes on, she looked at me and said, “That’s fine. I’d rather stay home.” Of course, I ended up putting her shoes on for her and taking her to the party. Needless to say, she was in no rush to put her shoes on the next day either.
According to Wendy Petricoff, an Overland Park native who is now an independent Love and Logic Parenting expert in Charlotte, NC, “Breaking bad habits requires commitment and consistency. Get a plan together, go over it with your spouse and/or caregiver and be prepared for how your child might react.”
All of these solutions sound easy enough, but when parents get caught up in the heat of the moment, it’s difficult to turn off the emotion and create a plan of action that both you and your spouse can follow through with when the offending issue arises,” says Petricoff.
The good thing is kids are pretty predictable and, as their parent, you'll likely be able to guess their reactions and get an effective plan in place. Below are some of the top complaints we parents have about our kids and great tips from Petricoff on how to handle these situations.
Abandoning seats, being disruptive or using bad manners during a meal
“Kids who stay in their chairs and use their manners are welcome to eat with the family,” Petricoff says. “If they can't stay seated for a reasonable amount of time, then there are two options. Either dinner is over for them and it's off to do whatever kids their ages do after dinner, or they can eat alone in another room.”
You also can simply remove the child's chair, leaving him or her to stand during dinner. The important thing is to find the response that works for your child. For instance, young children typically want nothing more than to be with their family. So select an appropriate response and stick with it!
While consistency is key, the message also matters. When adults give children consequences, Petricoff advises they deliver them with empathy. For example, “Oh, that's so sad you couldn't stay in your chair. Looks like you'll have to eat dinner standing up.”
Potty humor
Whether they are 3 or 13, even the most serious kids can have fits of giggles over potty humor. If potty talk grosses you out, here's a fun trick. Most parents would agree that it's hard to give sweet treats to children with dirty mouths! Withhold the candy, cookies and ice cream until little mouths can use sweet words. Stay consistent and see what happens. (Note: We also tried this with our daughter during an ongoing tooth brushing battle, and this trick resolved the problem quickly!)
Why don’t they listen?
“Parents get into an awful habit of repeating themselves when they want their child to do something. Tell your kids once, then take action. Warnings only serve to frustrate you!” says Petricoff.
Tattling
Do you find yourself listening to lots of tattling and getting pressured by your children to intervene in their squabbles? There's nothing wrong with charging a fee to your child if you have to get involved in their tattling. This response works for all ages: You can collect coins, toys or any form of payment for your time spent listening to a little tattletale!
Whining
Oh, the dreaded whiner. Consistency and simplicity are the keys here. Stick with one line, "I'm happy to listen to children who use a nice voice." Repeat this over and over and over and over until you think you can't say it one more time!
Jane Blumenthal Martin lives in Overland Park with her husband and two children. Read Jane's blog for working parents at ArtofEqualParenting.com.