Many babies come into this world as friendly, happy and social bundles of joy. “When my little guy was, like, 6 months and under, he would let anyone hold him. As long as he was held, he was happy,” says Amy Drake, Olathe mom. And if you are lucky enough to have a social butterfly type of infant, you may think this personality trait will last and last. However, many families learn this is not the case. Some babies can show signs of separation anxiety as early as 6 or 7 months of age, but for most babies, separation anxiety reaches its peak between 10 and 18 months. “It was around 9 months for my daughter. She was so friendly and happy—then, all of a sudden, she would cry when I left the room. I had no idea what to do,” says Tamika Olsen, Kansas City, MO, mom.
When your baby exhibits signs of separation anxiety, the whole family can feel the stress. Hearing Baby cry and seeing your infant appear to be frightened is hard on you. You wonder why your once carefree baby is now upset at not being with you 24/7. This constant need to be with Mom or Dad can also take a toll. “I didn’t understand why he suddenly needed to be held all the time. It was like I suddenly couldn’t even make dinner without him crying for me,” Gina Granger, Shawnee mom, says. “I hated that he was upset, but it was also stressful to never be able to put him down.”
For parents in the throes of separation anxiety, here are some tips from other metro parents to help you, and your little one, make it through this tricky phase:
Practice makes perfect. There are lots of ways to practice for longer separations. Play peek-a-boo, allow your child to remain in a safe space alone while you leave the room for a few moments. Staying away for a brief time and then returning is a good way to build trust with your baby that you will, in fact, return.
Knowing is half the battle. Things that are familiar to Baby are less frightening. If Baby cries at daycare drop off or with the sitter, or even with Grandma, that isn’t a surprise and shouldn’t be alarming. Baby will calm down quickly once Mom or Dad has left, and it will happen even faster if you have a familiar good-bye routine. Once Baby recognizes that you say or do certain things, you leave and then you come back, he will trust the routine, and it will be comforting.
This too shall pass. While this phase can be frustrating and emotionally trying, it is only a phase. Remember to be kind to yourself and your child.
If you have serious concerns about your child’s anxiety about being away from you, many resources are available. You can speak with your child’s pediatrician, seek help through your school district’s Parents as Teachers program, consult with your babysitter or daycare workers or reach out to mental health professionals for tips.
The good news for parents struggling with this issue is that most children will pass the height of their separation anxiety by the time they are 2 years old!
Melissa Bellach is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three living in Overland Park.
As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.