For many families, sending children back to school in the fall can be a challenging transition. “As the mother of three kids, I can tell you that the pace and schedule of the summer is hard to leave behind,” says Susan Fletcher, a nationally-known psychologist, author and speaker, who lives in Plano, Texas. “Going back to school means you have to be on a schedule, and most of the time there is little flexibility to fit it all in.”
The author of Parenting in the Smart Zone, Fletcher believes the cornerstone to being a successful parent is knowing what you expect from yourself, your own philosophies and goals. Beyond that, if you want to stay in the “Smart Zone,” you have to be able to adjust with whatever life might toss your way, she says.
As the mother of two elementary-age daughters, I know first-hand that the start of the school year brings a mix of excitement and anxiety – for all of us. It’s not easy to say good-bye to the summer.
Expect the honeymoon period
While my daughters’ positive enthusiasm for academics has remained quite consistent throughout the years, I understand that’s not always the case. Fletcher calls it a “honeymoon period” at the beginning of school.
“For most children, there is some excitement going back to school, seeing their friends and having something to do,” Fletcher says. “Believe it or not, some children report being bored at the end of the summer.”
Then, about two weeks into school, many parents report the “fun of it” wears off for their kids. “Teachers begin to give assignments, the excitement of seeing their friends wears off a little and school becomes more about serious stuff,” Fletcher says. “That is when the honeymoon is over. For most families, it may even feel like there was no summer break at all.”
Prepare for school’s starting
It’s important for parents to anticipate the honeymoon period wearing off about two to three weeks after school starts. Be prepared for the challenge when you least expect it.
Fletcher offers some excellent ideas for all families to consider for the beginning of the school year.
- Establish routines. Beginning with the first day of school, give children age-appropriate responsibilities for the morning routine and school commitments. Have them write schedules on the calendar, get their backpacks ready the night before and designate a spot to put stuff their parents need to review.
- “It is easy to be more relaxed about this the first few weeks of school, but it is important to help kids be in the right frame of mind to develop a routine,” Fletcher says.
- Plan a get-together. Schedule in advance to have a friend over to play, spend the night or watch a movie about the third or fourth week of school.
- “This gives your child something to look forward to and positive anticipation about spending time with a friend they haven’t seen all summer, especially if they had some disappointment about not being in the same class this year,” Fletcher says.
- Set clear expectations. Be clear about your expectations about homework time. Develop a routine and stick to it.
- “Children, at any age, benefit from predictability,” Fletcher says. “We train people how to treat us. If you are relaxed about routine at the beginning of the school year, and then begin to tighten up when assignments are due, it could be a mixed message.”
- Promote discipline. Even if your child doesn’t have a lot of homework, encourage him or her to read, or work in work books during the time designated for homework, even if it is only for a half an hour.
- “This mentally prepares children to devote time during the day for academics outside of school hours. It is like a mental place card and a good habit,” Fletcher says.
- Fletcher suggests parents focus more often on “low value” items – having children carry their own backpacks into school and bringing their dishes over to the sink after dinner. With this consistent focus, parents are prepared to better manage the “high value” items – hitting a sibling and doing poorly on a test – when they occur.
- “If we only require our children to come through when it really matters (“high value” items), they have not formed the habit to do so,” she says. “Concentrating on the little things (“low value” items) and holding our children responsible gets them prepared for when it matters.
- “Developing the discipline for ‘low value’ items helps a child experience success, promoting more success for later.”
- Celebrate with friends. Parents need to take care of themselves too during this time of family transition. Plan activities that are stress relievers during the honeymoon period and use them when the challenges are about to begin.
- “I’ve seen parents have a party the first month of school where everyone brings something to share for dinner, and you celebrate the beginning of school,” Fletcher says. “This will help you reconnect with your friends too. We celebrate the end of school and the end of summer more often. Why not initiate the beginning of school as a time to celebrate?”