I recently read an article after a couple of friends posted it on Facebook and I could really relate. The article, entitled "How to Talk to Little Girls" (read it HERE) addresses the tendancy for people to greet little girls with talk about their appearance. It may be natural to talk to your own girls or girls that you encounter about how CUTE they are or how pretty their dress is, but what message does that send to them? That their appearance is the most important thing, that everyone notices how they look. Even if it is positive attention, it can be detrimental.
This article really spoke to me because I'm the mother of a little 4 year old who is already self conscious about her appearance. She has gorgeous, but very unique, curly blonde hair. It is really cute if I do say so myself. But the problem is that everywhere we go, everyone we meet comments on her hair. Relatives, friends, and complete strangers comment on it every day. Most often it is praise ("I love those curls!") but even though she has never heard anyone put her down for her appearance, that attention has lead to her being aware of it. Sadly...she now says that she wishes that her hair were straight so "people wouldn't look at my hair all the time." :( It's heartbreaking for me to hear this because I want my daughter to feel beautiful and confident...not self-conscious. It has made me very aware of everything I say to her and that even compliments can lead to a child being overly aware of their appearance. Though I still throw in a "you look so pretty" here and there, I have been trying very hard to base my praise of her on how smart, kind, loving, and fun she is instead of how she looks.
Even though it is natural to comment on a little girls' looks (after all...it's the first thing you notice), take a moment and consider asking her about what she is interested in or compliment her on how kind she is to her friends. Your comments may go a long way! (And if you know my little girl, please...don't mention the hair!!!!)