The daily operation of managing life as a parent is not for the faint of heart. While many parents have established parenting hacks and go-to methods for maintaining their sanity, most agree having someone to lean on is key. “I am so glad my husband and I are in this together. We are a team, and that makes parenting easier and so much fun,” Samantha Clark, Kansas City, KS, mom says.
However, letting your spouse know he or she is appreciated is often something that gets lost in the daily hustle and bustle of life with kids. “I know I don’t tell my husband thank you often enough. When we get home from work, there are a million things to do: homework, dinner, soccer practice. I know how much it means that we handle it together, but I also know that I rarely say that to him,” Robin Kerr, Overland Park mom says.
So how do we maintain the laser focus needed to survive our crazy lives without taking our most precious resource for granted? Moms and dads from around the metro weigh in on the best ways to say thank you, plus share some easy ways to show appreciation.
Mind your manners. Saying please when you ask for help and thank you when your partner follows through is a great way to show appreciation and respect. Using those words can change the tone of a request, and it demonstrates to your partner you recognize you are asking something of him and that you appreciate his taking the time to help. Using good manners with your partner has the added benefit of setting a great example for your kids! When they see their parents saying please and thank you, they are more likely to mirror the behavior and practice good manners themselves.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you and your partner have divided up the chores, and you notice that he or she is not doing a task the way you would, just back off. “When my wife asks me to put away laundry, but then corrects the way I fold everything, it makes the job so much harder. And it doesn’t save any time because then we are both focused on the laundry. If I can just do it my way, it will get done and we can move on,” says Chris Hendrix, Olathe dad.
Ask for input. Asking for advice or for an opinion communicates that you care about what the other person thinks. “I ask my husband for his input on dinner choices all the time. I like to fix things he likes and I know he appreciates that I want his feedback,” says Olivia Meyer, Kansas City, MO, mom.
Respect your differences. Just because you may not understand all of your partner’s interests doesn’t mean those interests aren’t important. “I don’t understand golf at all. My husband wants to play; I hate giving up that family time on the weekend for him to go golfing. But I know it is good for him to do what he enjoys and have that down time,” Gretchen Miller, Kansas City, KS, mom says. “It makes him a better husband and father in the long run.”
Make time. Taking time for yourself and time for you two as a couple can help keep both of you engaged in your relationship and in life in general. “We make sure to give each other one night per month as an ‘off night’ where we can each go out with friends or do whatever,” Paul Douglas, Shawnee, dad says. “And we plan at least one date night each month. Those nights are great for recharging our batteries.”
Overall, when partners feel appreciated, they will approach life with a happier attitude. People who feel the work they do is appreciated have more confidence and are more likely to take on new challenges than people who feel that what they do is overlooked. “I know when I make an effort to thank my husband, bring home a special dessert, do something nice, it makes all the difference,” Carly Johnson, Overland Park mom says. “And I feel the same way. When he compliments me, I put in way more effort than when I feel like he doesn’t notice.” Be genuine in your expression of gratitude and watch and see what a positive difference it makes!
Keeping a Connection
One of the best ways to stay in sync with your partner is to keep the connection between the two of you as strong as possible. Here are a few everyday tips and tricks to keep the home fire burning:
- Show physical affection. A pat on the back, holding hands or a quick kiss throughout the day are great ways to keep a connection.
- Use inside jokes. Help each other smile through the stress of daily parenting.
- Talk about things other than the kids. Starting an adult conversation about something other than tomorrow’s schedule can help take you out of your parenting mindset and let you focus on being a couple.
- Plan a date night. Even just a night alone at home with a movie can help recharge your batteries.
- Share the details. Talk about your day and share your thoughts and feelings; keeping the lines of communication open is key to staying connected
Melissa Bellach is a freelance writer and mom of two living in Overland Park.