Transitioning your child to becoming an older sibling is both exciting and challenging. Adding another child to the family provides your older one with a lifelong friend and playmate, but the soon-to-be big sibling may feel reluctant to share the turf. Parents can take some positive steps to make the transition easier for everyone.
During Pregnancy
What to expect: Your child may anticipate that a change is coming as she watches you prepare the nursery and get things in order. She may start to act up because she doesn’t fully understand what is going on and the idea of a new baby seems abstract.
Do’s and Don’ts
- Do put off big changes like potty training or transitioning to a big kid bed.
- Do get a baby doll for big brother or sister to practice baby care.
- Do read books about families who add a new baby to the house.
- Do take the siblings class at the hospital, if offered and age appropriate.
- Do spend extra time with your child and reassure her that you love her.
- Don’t blame your limitations on the baby or the pregnancy, which can create negativity associated with the baby.
- Don’t promise an instant playmate.
At the hospital
What to expect: When your child visits you at the hospital, expect him to be off his routine and possibly out of sorts. Your child may feel scared because he sees Mom in bed and may worry you are sick. Some kids will seem aloof, worried, or act up because they are unsure of their surroundings. Your youngster also may feel nervous about meeting the baby everyone is excited about.
Do’s and Don’ts
- Do greet him excitedly.
- Do make a big deal about the baby and the new big sibling.
- Do give him some undivided attention.
- Do take lots of photos of the big sibling moments.
- Do have some items to play with during the visit.
- Don’t frighten him when it comes to holding the baby.
- Don’t stay too long; know your child’s time limitations.
At home
What to expect: It is normal for your child to feel left out and jealous. Your child may go out of her way to get extra attention—in both a positive and negative way. It’s normal for your child to have a variety of emotions as she adjusts: excitement, joy and pride, but also sadness, frustration and jealousy. Adjusting to a new family member takes time.
Do’s and Don’ts
- Do let her help with baby care (bring a diaper to Mom, go get a clean blanket, sing a song to Baby).
- Do set aside time to spend time alone with your big kid.
- Do let her know Baby loves her and looks up to her.
- Do set up for distractions. Have some books available to read while you are nursing or busy with baby care.
- Do make Baby wait while you help your big kid.
- Do show her the benefits of being a big kid. Big kids eat ice cream, play at the park, watch movies and stay up later.
- Do reassure her you love her.
- Don’t place expectations that are too high.
- Don’t expect things to be exactly the same as before. Whenever you add another person to the family, everyone experiences a big transition. Things will be different.
- Don’t be surprised if your child has some behavior issues. Try to be patient with the reaction to a new little one in the house
Adding another child to the family is a huge transition for any family. In time, things do fall into a routine, and you will hardly remember when your newborn wasn’t part of the family. Your new big sibling will soon adjust to your growing family and develop a pride in the role of older sibling.
Sarah Lyons is a part-time freelance writer and a full-time mom of six living in Olathe.