Does this happen at your house? After the kids rip open their Christmas presents, they announce, “We’ll play with these in a bit, after we work on our thank you cards.”
No? I’m shocked.
Okay, most kids don’t actually like to write thank you notes. They may even seem old-fashioned in today’s world, but penning them is an important habit to teach your children.
Whether it’s your neighbor next door or Cousin Doris in Minneapolis, a giver’s thoughtfulness should be properly thanked with a handwritten note.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Explain the importance. When our kids grumble about writing thank you cards, we tell them that people took time out of their busy lives to choose gifts especially for them, and spent their hard-earned money to do it. Therefore, they can certainly take a few moments to tell each person how much they appreciate their thoughtfulness and generosity. Butler mom Angelia Berry says, “My children know that if they do not thank a person, they are not showing gratitude and appreciation, and if they don’t show that, the person may not bother to send gifts again.”
- Start early. A 2-year-old can’t write a thank you note, but he can add stickers or scribble with a crayon on a note a parent writes. A 5-year-old can sign her name and dictate what she likes about the gift. As writing skills progress, kids can copy simple lines like “Dear Grandma” or “Thank you for the gift,” with parents adding in the rest. By 7 or 8, children should be able to write their own notes.
- Spread it out. Writing 20 cards in one day is overwhelming for most kids, but two or three cards a day spread over a week is doable.
- Make it fun. Provide a variety of writing instruments–colored pens, crayons, markers, glitter pens–along with stickers or other embellishments, and encourage your child to get creative.
- Think outside the box. Belton mom Julie Bresette and Cleveland mom Tracy Goodall both take pictures of their kids with each gift and send that along with the thank you.
- Short and sweet is fine. Remind kids they are not penning a novel. Two or three sentences should cover it: “Dear Uncle Matt, Thank you for the book. I love mysteries and can’t wait to read this one. Love, Natalie”. Be sure your children explain WHY they like the gift or mention that they have already worn it/played with it/listened to it. If the gift was money, have them explain what they purchased with it.
- Be frugal. Nobody says you have to drop a wad of cash on fancy store-bought thank you cards. Who has money after the holidays anyway? Fold some paper and have younger kids decorate with stamps and stickers or snippets of leftover wrapping paper. Older kids can create and print cards on the computer or simply use pretty paper to pen their thoughts. The point is to thank people for their thoughtfulness, and you don’t have to go broke in doing so.
- Is email okay? This is a hot topic. Although we live in a tech-driven world, most etiquette experts agree that a handwritten thank you note is the way to go. Taking the time to handwrite a card is warmer and more personal than emailing or calling.
- What if your child doesn’t like the gift? It happens–a 12-year-old receives a game of Candyland, or Great Aunt Joyce knits a hideous sweater. Explain that the giver still took time to choose the gift, and the recipient still has a moral obligation to thank her. No need to lie. Instead, your child could say something like: “Thank you for the sweater. I appreciate your taking the time to knit it for me.”
- One last thing. Not to sound like uppity Miss Manners, but please don’t buy those cheesy fill-in-the-blank thank you notes for your kids. Nothing says “impersonal” and “lazy” quite like those. Gift givers will appreciate that your children take the time to write a personal note of gratitude.
Tisha Foley and her husband are proud of their two children who started helping with thank you notes at age 2. That’s not to say they don’t occasionally grumble about them, though.