Yes, love is a battlefield. But have you tried being a mom lately? There are more landmines, potholes and pitfalls than any frontline soldier could hope to count. It is for this very reason that moms need a group of friends to help navigate this very specific frontline we call parenting. Not just any friends, either. A momtourage. That unique collection of women who, each in her own way, provides a strand of support you didn’t even know you needed.
Here’s a list of the fundamental ladies you need in your corner:
The “A” Game Mom
Nothing gets past her. This mom knows the date, location, weather forecast and lunch menu item for the next six months. In fact, she probably has a binder to help her keep it organized. She also has contact names and numbers for every single parent, and she will gladly share them with you. After all, you have got to stop accidentally calling little Henry’s mom “Marissa” when her name is actually “Melissa.” The “A” Game mom is your lifeline when the craziness sets in, and her super power is organizing a moms night out so you can all get a piece of your sanity back. Find her.
How to find her: She’s the first one to sign up for anything.
How to thank her: A spa gift card. Being on point all the time is exhausting; she’ll appreciate a quick massage or mani/pedi day.
The Humorist/Loud Mouth Mom
The release of laughter is the only thing that’s going to get you through this season of your life. The Humorist mom knows how to whip out a joke to break the tension at a birthday party or send you a hilarious GIF to make the school pickup line a little more bearable. She probably curses a lot but is smart enough to do it out of earshot of the kids—most of the time. This mom will never be the quietest one in the room, but she will be the one you look forward to seeing make a fun commotion.
How to find her: She’s incapable of a serious face. Look for big smiles and a loud laugh.
How to thank her: Tickets to a live show or hilarious movie.
The Opposite Mom
This one is going to be tough, but you need her. She is the mom who does everything exactly the opposite of you. If you despise McDonalds, she’s definitely tossing chicken nuggets to her kids in the backseat. If you let your kids have an iPad, she’s the one who strictly limits screen time. But that’s okay. Having a well-rounded approach to parenting makes for more interesting kiddos, and if you stay squarely in your box of comfort, you’ll never get there. Let this mom surprise you with her methods—and maybe give one of them a try. You just might find she’s right!
How to find her: Wait for your child to tell you that “so-and-so’s mom lets him do this!” Then go find that mom.
How to thank her: A personal coffee or cocktail evening out. Tell her something you tried because of her. It’ll bond you instantly.
The Calm Influence Mom
We all need someone to really hear us. And although our spouses are great for that, sometimes the person you need is a little more … well, mom-ish. This mom has been through everything you have, but is willing to turn off problem-solving mode and just listen. She’s gentle and kind, and maybe even shy. That’s because she’s taking it all in, paying attention to those around her. This mom will give great advice and ask you for some, too.
How to find her: She’s watching the kids play at the Christmas party, but not necessarily participating.
How to thank her: A weighted blanket and candles. She’s a sensitive and empathetic soul and will appreciate the thought.
The Be-Yourself Mom
Yes ma’am, she’s at the top of the momtourage. As your go-to for emergencies, babysitting, and even late night panic attacks, this mom has seen it all. Your house doesn’t have to be clean for her to stop by, and your sweats and a dry-shampoo bun will do just fine when you see her. Most importantly, there are no pretenses with this friend. She knows about your son’s hitting problem, your daughter’s potty mouth and your newborn’s inability to sleep more than 30 minutes. No matter what, no matter when, she picks up the phone when you call.
How to find her: This is someone you already know. Evaluate your friendships and decide who needs a promotion.
How to thank her: Return the favor. Let her be herself around you, too.
The Competitor Mom
You could also call her the Frenemy, but do we really need to make things so dramatic? This is a mom that unknowingly elevates you to be better. She made gluten-free cupcakes with three hours’ notice? Well, you can too. She ran a 5K last weekend? Well, you’ve been wanting to do that; time to sign up for the next one. The most important thing to remember is to keep this as a friendly competition. In fact, this mom may not even realize she’s filling this role for you. At the end of the day, she’s simply a motivator to be a better version of yourself.
How to find her: Girl, you know who she is. I don’t need to tell you.
How to thank her: No need. This is a distance relationship, but don’t be surprised if someday you end up as best friends. Life is funny like that.
How to Start a Momtourage
Forging friendships can be difficult, and forming a momtourage can take some time. Here are some tips to get you started:
Join the PTA – It might be torturous, but you have to greet people to meet people. Slap on a smile and say hello. That’s all you need to do. The rest will fall into place.
- Don’t judge – It’s so easy to put labels on people. Treat each mom you meet as a blank slate. Let her show you who she is and decide whether you want her in your circle.
- Not everyone’s a fit – Sometimes mom-ships just don’t pan out. Evaluate your friendships, and if someone isn’t pulling her respective weight, it’s perfectly fine to demote her to acquaintance rather than friend.
- Go to class parties – Ugggghhhh. I know. They can be painful. But if you can’t bond with other adults over the joy your kids’ experience during Trunk or Treat, where else can you expect to?
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.