As a mom of a preschooler on the brink of kindergarten just one year away, I feel myself already tightening my grip. I'm not ready to let her go; to experience failure and hurt feelings; to be exposed to a wide array of value systems that are not our own; to feel embarrassment or defeat when math homework seems to difficult; to have her struggle without the swooping help of Mom to save the day. Leaving the nest is nothing compared to actually letting those sweet little birdies of ours spread their dainty wings and fly, right? What will she think when the truth comes out that someone actually is smarter, faster, quicker, fill in the blank, than her? Well, my hope, is that she'll dust herself off and get right back in the race.
We're not yet in the elementary school days (and beyond) of homework, friends, teachers, assignments, cuts from the soccer team, tryouts for the upcoming theater show, but the shadow is there. I ran across an article online from www.MyDailyMoment.com that I hope I remember in the years to come with my own children. This article stated that the three things a parent should never do for their child is their homework, speak for them, and choose their friends.
Whether a child has forgotten that they had an assignment due and you don't want them to get zero credit, or your child struggles in a particular subject and is crying out to the math gods, "I can't do it!" parents are tempted to send a life line and do the assignment for their kids. Resist this temptation! Instead, ask your child questions to help discern where the real problem lies. At what point is the child struggling? Do they truly not understand the question? Have they read the material? Help your child think through the question without completely providing the answer for him. This teaches him to work hard, and it builds self-confidence when he does come to the right answer.
Secondly, the article states that parents should never speak for their child. This is especially easy to do with young children who are still grasping the use of language, answering questions accurately, and social etiquette. But children, young and old, are all a work in progress. Give them time to progress! Let them ask the neighbor lady for a drink of water instead of you. Ask your child to order their chicken strips basket at a restaurant when the server asks for the order. Help give young children the words to say when dealing with conflict in play instead of simply addressing the other child (or that child's parent). This will give your child great practice in speaking, but more importantly, a boost in self-esteem that they are able to stand up for themselves and others.
Lastly, the article tells us not to choose our child's friends. When children are young at home, we can control the children they play with and the influences that are around them. But going to school is a whole new ballgame, and they are on their own (for the most part) when it comes to choosing friends. Assuming that you already know who their friends will be, or that your friends' child and your child will be pals simply because you have a relationship with his/her mom is unrealistic. Friendships cannot be forced, and friendships will change over time. Have conversations with your child about character traits that make a good friend so that they know what qualities to look for in a friend. Of course, we have a responsibility to know who are children are spending time with, and we have every right to set boundaries if needed.
As we start off a new year, take some time for self-reflection in regards to these suggestions. Which ones could you add to the list?