Do you find yourself frustrated from repeating the same phrases over and over again when talking to your children? Does it seem like everything you say goes in one ear and out the other? Do your kids really not hear you, or are they just tuning you out?
First of all, it’s important to understand the difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is a passive act that requires no concentration. Listening is an active process that requires focus and multiple senses. Listening is voluntary, so children must decide whether they are going to just hear you or really listen to what you’re saying and use their mind and body to engage in a conversation. Good listeners turn into good communicators later on in life. If your child has trouble listening to you, the good news is there are many ways to improve those listening skills.
Model Good Listening Skills
One way to help your child build better listening skills is to be a positive influence and model good listening skills to your child. Kids learn best from watching their parents, so set a good example for them. Use good listening skills when you’re talking to your children, as well as other adults. When your child speaks to you, give him eye contact and use body language to show him you’re actively listening to what he’s saying. Nodding in agreement and asking follow-up questions are a few ways to show you’re invested and engaged in the conversation. Also, don’t interrupt while she is speaking.
Put Down the Gadgets
With parents and children more attached to their devices than ever before, it’s easy for us to tune out what we are saying to each other. According to Highlights magazine’s 2014 State of the Kid survey results, 62 percent of kids say their parents are distracted when kids are trying to talk to them. When asked what distracts their parents, kids’ top responses were cell phones (28 percent), siblings (25 percent), work (16 percent) and TV (13 percent). Before having a conversation with your child, turn off the TV and put down your cell phone or laptop. Give her eye contact and show her she has your undivided attention. Ask her to do the same, so you can both focus on the conversation.
Get Their Attention
It’s important to get your child’s full attention before giving instructions. Sometimes you don’t fully have kids’ attention before speaking. Don’t just call up the stairs, “Go put your shoes on!” Instead, approach your child with eye contact, get down on his level and say his name. Once he’s looking at you, you can proceed with your instructions.
Ask Them to Repeat Instructions
When you ask your child to do something, follow up by asking her to repeat your request. Once you have given an instruction, ask her to repeat it back to you, so you can make sure she fully heard and understood your request—and ask whether she has any questions. I’ve oftentimes found we have asked my daughter to do something, got upset when she didn’t do it but then later realized she didn’t fully understand what we were requesting—and that’s why she did something entirely different.
Play Fun Games
There are several fun games you can play with your kids that will help them practice their listening skills. An old-fashioned game of Telephone requires kids to focus on what is being said to them. Games like Red Light, Green Light and Simon Says also help foster good listening habits.
Read Together
Reading books can help with your children’s listening comprehension. Read aloud to your children every day. This doesn’t have to be only at bedtime! While reading, make sure to stop and ask questions about what’s going on in the story or what they think will happen next. You can also listen to audio books together during long car rides or just on the way to school. Be sure to react to the story and have conversations about what is happening in the book.
Take a Walk
Spending time out in nature is an easy and fun way to help develop listening skills. As you’re walking, ask your children what sounds they hear. This will help them turn on their listening ears and focus on the different sounds like birds chirping, the neighbor’s lawnmower, leaves rustling or a bee buzzing by.
Tell a Story Together
Kids can practice listening by telling a story together. Start the story off with a phrase like “Once upon a time there was a…” Then, let each child continue the story. They will be practicing listening, taking turns to speak and using their imaginations at the same time.
Cook Together
Cooking and baking is based on reading or listening to instructions. Bake kids’ favorite cookies or have your kids help you out with cooking dinner in the evenings. Read the recipe and instructions aloud and let them listen and follow the directions to complete the culinary creation.
Start Conversations
Make a habit of starting real conversations with your kids. Our family loves doing this at mealtime. We go around the table and talk about what we did all day, the best part of our day and the worst part of our day. My daughter loves it so much that she is the one who initiates the conversation now. You can follow up with questions after each person at the table has shared.
Regan Lyons is a girl mom and freelance writer. She lives with her husband and daughters, Atley, 7, and Ensley, 1, in St. Joseph, MO.