One of life’s biggest surprises is finding out whether you’re having a boy or having a girl. Throughout history, moms and dads were left guessing what their little one was until delivery. Consequently, some pretty hair-brained old wives’ tales and prediction calendars made their way on the scene! Don’t believe me? Just Google them! Finding out a baby’s sex during pregnancy is only a relatively new development. Most parents have the option of finding out whether they’re expecting a boy or a girl during a second trimester sonogram, typically around 20 weeks. However, some opt to find out through blood testing even sooner. Although finding out early has become commonplace, a growing trend called Team Green has emerged on the scene, beckoning parents to reconsider waiting until birth once again to find out.
Make no bones about it … whether you find out during or after pregnancy, a huge surprise will be in store. But if you find yourself on the fence about when to find out, here are some factors to consider.
Pros to Finding Out Early
Bond instantly. No longer an “it,” a newly revealed baby boy or girl can help both Mom and Dad envision the future with greater clarity. This can be particularly helpful if a pregnancy is medically complex or difficult. Lisa V., a Kansas City mom of two, suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme morning sickness at all hours of the day and night) with her first pregnancy. Armed with knowledge that her firstborn was a girl, she lovingly placed pink booties above the porcelain throne as a reminder of the prize at the end of the pregnancy. Parents with small children often find that being able to tell a big sibling that Baby is a boy or girl helps the rest of the family connect earlier as well.
You can call Baby by name. Taking it one step further, many parents elect to name their child while in utero. This adds another level of personalization to the pregnancy, and if the name is shared publicly, it also gives doting grandmas, aunts and other loved ones the opportunity to make personalized gifts for the little one.
It can reduce stress. Neutrals might be trending, but not all parents want to go for a tan or greige nursery. Just as some little girls dream with wide-eyed anticipation about their future wedding, others envision decking their little one’s halls with all things pink or blue. If parents wait until the baby is born to proceed with nursery renovations, Dad will be bleary-eyed with sleep deprivation, and Mom will be dealing with everything postpartum. Not a great plan! Take advantage of the pregnancy months—and a mom’s nesting instinct—to prepare so things are in order before they’re needed, not after. This can reduce stress and conserve energy for doing important things like recuperating and bonding after Baby arrives.
It makes hosting a gender-specific shower easier. The sky’s the limit on creative shower themes, and knowing what you’re having can help direct your shower planning crew toward a more specific theme.
Gender reveal parties are fun.
There are a million ways to display pink or blue, but regardless of how you go about it, one thing is clear: It’s always fun to have a party! Friends and family also feel privileged to be part of such a special experience—whether you find out in real time with them or learn before they do.
It can help temper expectations
If you’re having a boy and you want a girl or vice versa, finding out early can temper expectations and help you reframe your anticipation.
Cons to Finding Out Early
While ultrasounds and blood tests are very accurate, they’re not foolproof. Jessica P. of Overland Park found out at 6 weeks that she was having a boy. It wasn’t until her 20-week ultrasound that she found out it was only partially accurate: She was actually having twins and only one of them was a boy!
Some family or friends may express disappointment in what you’re having. This tends to be more common within specific cultures or when the family has only had children of the same gender thus far.
You also may receive copious amounts gender-specific clothing sized 0-3 months from well-meaning loved ones—so much that your child will never be able to wear it all before outgrowing it.
Pros to Waiting
It prolongs the anticipation. Some couples find that they prefer to have the rush of finding out propel them through labor. This can give the doting spouse a special role in announcing the news to both wife and to family in the waiting room, as well.
It keeps things simple. Instead of getting inundated with gender-specific clothing, loved ones can instead direct their shopping efforts toward what you actually need most on your registry. This can be especially helpful if you’re wanting to pass down items to future children regardless of gender or if you’d rather have practical items like diapers and wipes instead of frilly dresses or smocked overalls.
You have something in common with your grandparents. It wasn’t common to find out what you were having until the 1980s and 1990s. Making an old-school choice puts you in the ranks of your beloved elders and can give you something special for bonding with your Nana and Granny.
It can help you fall in love more easily with whatever Baby is.
You’ll be so over-the-moon in love with your little one you won’t think twice about whether you wanted a boy or a girl before. You are thankful for whatever Baby is.
You can skip the hoopla or make a game of it. Some people are thrilled to host a gender reveal party. Others would prefer to avoid all the hoopla and attention and instead make bets to see what family and friends think Baby is.
Cons to Waiting
You have to tell all the medical personnel at each visit that you don’t wish to know—otherwise they will default to sharing.
You have to pick both boy and girl names leading up to delivery, instead of just one.
Friends and family may badger you to let the cat out of the bag or express frustration for not knowing early.
Loved ones may prefer to host a baby shower after the baby is born to provide gender-specific items.
Lauren Greenlee is a boymom of four who was giddy to find out as soon as she could with each of her children. She writes from her Olathe home.