Energy—this may seem like a foreign word to some moms. We moms have so much on our plates, and most of it is for other people. We do everything we can to have a good day before collapsing on the couch at a decent hour—and, hopefully, make it to bed before falling asleep on that couch. Or sometimes after collapsing, we stay awake into the wee hours, reading, watching or scrolling through what interests us. Once that big list of things gets done in a day, we go overboard with that time to ourselves. Sound familiar?
Moms can find plenty of advice out there about doing some “self care,” like taking a shower. Is it me, or does a 5- to 10-minute shower not feel much like self care? More like, “I finally do not feel gross.” Or maybe you get a shower every morning before going to the office but have to consider a 15-minute lunch break self care because it’s shocking you’re not working through lunch.
Be it kids, work, or all the activities and chores we have to do just to keep the house running smoothly, our full, busy lives tend to suck the energy right out of us. And a mom’s nature is to put herself on the bottom of the list with the things she probably won’t get to. Now, I’m not going to tell you to keep your cup full because you can’t give what you don’t have. I will tell you, however, to give yourself a mental break more frequently than you do.
Mental whirlwinds are exhausting. All those to-do list items swirl around in our heads until we finally cross them off the list. So many moms among my friends and family have shared how the mental turbulence just doesn’t quit until the list of essentials is complete.
Here’s my experience: I love a good list with everything checked off. I love a good clean house that is picked up—with dinner already planned. But the things to do will always keep coming. I have told myself so many times that I’ll get to a certain point and surely things will get better. In a couple weeks when this is past, I think to myself, things will change. They will not, however, change. Things will always come up, and life will happen. So I asked a variety of different moms what they do to recharge and get their energy back when they are overwhelmed. Here are their responses.
- Do 20 minutes of exercise. The time commitment is not long, and it ends before a half-hour kids television show runs its course. This time can give you some space to breathe or maybe get your heart pumping and ready to go. Yes, exercise has been proven to help a person’s mental state—and sometimes we really need it. If exercise is not your thing, keep reading.
- Take 10-20 minutes of a break. Again, find something to capture your kids’ attention for this short amount of time and find yourself a break. No matter what you do, set a timer and do something for yourself. Taking a brain break does not take that long, but it can do so much to reenergize you.
- Spend time away from family. If you can, go get coffee, gas or whatever you need to pick up. Life demands a lot from you, and sometimes you just want to do something alone. Don’t feel bad about it. Have you ever just sat in the car before, enjoying the stillness? I have.
- Pursue things that give you “fire.” This is different for everyone, but we all have something that gives us energy. Paint, write, read, call a friend, watch funny videos, create something. You will not be disappointed if you find time to do these things.
- Take time with friends. If you are an extrovert, friends give you energy. Whether it’s in person or not, schedule some time to connect and catch up. We all need some sort of connection with people. There is something about having adult conversations that gives energy.
- Ask for help with “mom” duties. On the days we cannot do it all, asking for help is such a relief. Maybe someone can stay with the kids while you get a couple errands done. Can someone pick the kids up for a carpool to carve out extra time? Worth it. Whatever your mom duties consist of, don’t be too proud to ask for help.
- Organize to energize. Kids are messy and busy. Houses, closets and toys can get disorganized and cluttered quickly, and kids grow fast and all of a sudden their clothes are too small. It all creeps up on you fast! Some people glean energy from decluttering and organizing.
- Plan and prep. If this is your personality, get revved up putting your calendar in order and preparing food, wardrobes, pickup and drop-off plans—any of a myriad of things to free some mental energy. After all, if you know what’s coming, you don’t have to spend time wondering or worrying.
- Pick up a good book. If you get sick of being in your own head and need to escape for a while, get some recommendations on good books. Sometimes there’s nothing quite as good as escaping your world to be in someone else’s imagination. Or find a topic that interests you and learn something. Both fiction and nonfiction can freshen your perspective.
If you’re like me, you’ll have to make a point to schedule one of these restorative revels. Go ahead, set the timer if you need to. Some of the best advice I have gotten is this: “All those things will still be there when you are done.” Yes, they sure will.
Perhaps the biggest energy-zapper is mom guilt. I recently had a conversation with a friend about it. If she left her kids to either have alone time or even a date night, she had mom guilt. But think about it—do you have guilt about not taking care of yourself too? Make the choice to change your mindset. Do what you need to do to care for your family. And do what you need to do to care for yourself—both without entertaining guilt. It will probably take some effort, but once you get the swing of it, I bet you’ll thank yourself.
Lauren Dreher lives in Stilwell with her husband and two toddlers.