There are times when I get in a mothering funk and feel like no matter how hard I try to do the right things and act the right way, I’m just grumpy and not the mom I wish to be for my kids. It’s during these times that it’s all too easy to fall into the parenting comparison trap. I wish I fed my family healthier meals…I wish I could decorate my house better…I wish I could travel with my husband more…I wish I could spend more time at the gym…I wish I had a hobby that provided income…I wish, I wish, I wish.
Now as we’ve made it through the holidays and all that comes with them, let’s regroup and pat ourselves on the backs. Let’s high five ourselves and one another at how truly amazing we are at being mothers! Because we are. We all are. We have off days, off weeks, maybe off months, but in the end we are doing the best we possibly can for these little beings we’ve created. And for that, let’s celebrate! Let’s put down our modesty and our pride at the same time and realize what we bring to the mothering table. What are we good at? What comes naturally to us? What areas are we NOT worried about in our mothering role?
I took to the streets, so to speak, to ask local moms these questions to help raise our morale as we enter this new year of 2014. I caution you to be careful and check your heart before you read to make sure you’re in a place to high five rather than criticize yourself or others. Okay? Here we go!
Lindsay R., Overland Park mother of three, seems to have a positive perspective on her role as a stay-at-home mom based on previous experience as a working mom. “When people encourage me by saying I am a good mom, I answer with ‘Thanks, I think so too.’ I know I am not perfec, but I appreciate what I do as a mother because I work hard at being the parent I aspire to be. I try to give myself props for what I do for my family and community in comparison to my previous workplace experience.”
Missy Landis, Olathe mother of two, also shares some thoughts on what makes her the great mom she is to her two children. “I think that as a mom of two, I feel like I do treat them really well as individuals and try very hard not to make comparisons between the two. I generally refrain from talking about what one did as opposed to the other at a certain stage. I also like to think that by playing and reading with both of my kids, I am setting the initial stage for their education and development. Daddy does not like to read as much, so this is an area where I tend to shine. I don't mind getting the house dirty for them to make believe with their toys, and generally no art medium or food is off limits for them to experiment with.”
Personally, I pat myself on the back for focusing on feeding my kids healthy foods, having outdoor playtime as much as possible, maintaining a pretty routine schedule for them and dating my kids. I enjoy taking them to different parks and playgrounds near us, such as Black Bob Park and Frontier Park. I look forward to reading to them before bed, and I also enjoy taking pictures of my kids and trying to keep up with photo books for our family.
I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on what areas you are proud of in your personal parenting arena. What makes you a good mom? Are you a patient listener? Do you discipline calmly? What mothering moments do you enjoy? Do you relish extra snuggles before starting or ending your day? What things do you and your children enjoy doing together? Do you enjoy visits to your local library? Do you take them on fun field trips to the Johnson County Museum or Wonderscope Children’s Museum? There is a plethora of things we could think of if we pause and focus on the good we are bringing to our children’s lives.
As for what we as moms struggle with, I think having open and honest dialogue about this is important, too. It’s vital that we know we are not the only ones who struggle in a particular area. But we have to be cautious to encourage one another during these times and offer support, helpful advice or simply a listening ear. This support is yet another reason having a community of moms you can turn to during this life season is so important. I recently attended a moms group Bunco Night, and it was refreshing to vent and to hear I wasn’t the only one feeling a particular way. Times like that free me to laugh about things and move on to the next parenting challenge that I will undoubtedly face.
Lindsay R. concludes by saying, “In our family, I believe that my role is vital to the health and functioning of the ‘company,’ as I like to think of it. And at the end of the day, to me family matters the most. As a parent, I like to think I am doing a whole lot right. I am being true to myself, believing that family comes first and that our investment in the ones we care about is the most important investment we can make. I have chosen a life of love and feel privileged and proud that I can see the opportunity of being a parent for what it is.”
Stephanie Loux is an Olathe mommy who is continually attempting to be the best mommy she can be to both of her young children.