What is a lovey? Simply put, it’s a security item, commonly a blanket, an animal or an article of clothing. Your child might also pick something very odd. My nephew carried around a full size pillow for a good while. Many children seem to latch on to some object and carry it with them wherever they go. When I saw another niece and nephew carry theirs around for years, I wondered when they would finally break that habit. I also smelled them and wondered how they could stand to even be around the, um, well-loved, object. Let me walk you through what I have learned.
Why do kids love their loveys? The lamb my niece carried and the monkey my nephew carried around for years smelled horrible. They also had no stuffing, and the limbs had been sewn back on multiple times. My nephew used to carry his monkey around by the hole in the ear. I wondered how on earth it had not crumbled into dust. Clearly, the appeal of a lovey is more than skin—or tattered fur—deep. Loveys give kids a sense of security. My older son had a special blanket with porcupines on it. Out of all the entourage of animals he possessed, one special puppy had to be on the bed with that special blanket for him to be content. My younger son likes to be covered up but is more interested in playing with his brother’s blanket and animals than needing his own.
I once read an article that mentioned introducing kids to a lovey. As parents, we’re encouraged not to have anything in the bed with the baby before the age of 1. When tots turn 1, introduce them to a lovey they can sleep with and form that connection with. My older son fell asleep next to his blanket, and we would check on him often, pulling the blanket after he dozed off to take away potential danger.
Having a lovey, research suggests, may actually be a good thing. Kids develop an attachment to these objects early. Babies have a very strong sense of smell since they cannot see well at first, and the lovey’s fragrance becomes a comfort attachment to them. Colleen Goddard, an early childhood educator, suggests in Psychology Today that loveys act as training wheels for kids as they grow. Kids with them tend to take risks and gain independence earlier than kids who do not have a comfort object. They also help a child who is away from parents or feeling ill. Knowing this has drastically helped me as I had already begun to feel like my kids should be detaching from theirs.
So the attachment may be a good thing, but how do you avoid a crisis when a lovey is lost or forgotten? The minute my son gained an attachment to a blanket, I bought a second one. It looked the same, and he sometimes uses them together so they smell the same. He has his puppy and a raccoon he favors over the rest of the animals. When a blanket is in the wash, I have an extra. When Puppy is missing in action, my son is satisfied with Raccoon while we quickly hunt for the canine. Traveling always makes me nervous about forgetting one or both. I usually pack one of each in the suitcases and then one in the car. This way, if there is chaos en route or at the destination, we have at least one lovey where we need it. I highly recommend a preemptive purchase—long before a real lost lovey incident.
If you have an older child you’d like to see break the lovey habit, try not to worry. I read an article about someone whose son finally let go around the age of 10. Then she kept the blanket for nostalgia. If you are self-conscious about your kids’ attachment, take comfort that most parents understand kids carrying around something. If that nasty blanket or animal is what they need to have a sense of comfort, that seems pretty minimal. Some studies I read encouraged parents to form that attachment for children so they could steer that independence by themselves. Go ahead, take a deep breath and let your child love on that lovey.
Pop Quiz:
Parents get self-conscious about the age their children should be detaching from their loveys. What’s your best guess of the common age range at which most kids stop depending on their loveys?
- 3-4: They are gaining their independence at that stage! Let's get them out!
- 4-6: That’s school age—I’m not taking my kid to school with these things.
- 6-8: They are independent little people. Blankets and animals are old news.
- 8-10: This kid has had a death grip on these for years. I’m prying them out.
Correct answer? B! Ages 4-6 are when most kids detach from their loveys.
Lauren Dreher lives in Stilwell with her husband and two toddlers.