No one is harder on themselves than moms. Each day is a constant battle within our own minds, making sure everything is done on time and in the right order. The to-do list in our head for taking care of others is never-ending, yet the list for ourselves is never started. When you’re in the thick of motherhood, it can be difficult to see the forest for the trees. Here are six ways you think you’re failing as a parent, but in reality, you’re kicking some serious mother tail.
What you think you did wrong: Was too softWhat you actually did right: Showed compassion
We have a soft spot for our kids. It’s how we’re built. Though we appreciate that discipline is an essential and integral part of teaching fundamentals, sometimes those long eyelashes and pouty lips just melt us into a puddle of butter. Relax, Mom. Showing compassion and understanding over discipline and consequence isn’t going to ruin your child today or even tomorrow. No one grows up and says, “My mom was way too understanding with me.” There is a major supply chain shortage on empathy in this world. Fill that inventory as much as you want.
What you think you did wrong: Drive-throughs instead of cooking
What you actually did right: Made everyone’s life easier
Repeat after me:
“I am not Gordon Ramsay. I am not Wolfgang Puck. I am a mom, and tonight McDonald’s is the answer.”
Seriously, check this worry off your list. Our calendars runneth over with meetings, sports, bills and relationships. We can’t finagle all of them to clear time to create a culinary masterpiece every evening. You are not failing if you stick your head out the window and order from a menu that offers nothing but high fructose corn syrup and processed carbohydrates. One of the greatest joys in life is eating junk food occasionally. And while we’re here, let’s get something straight. If you feel cooking is too much to add to your plate, get some help. Enlist your partner or a weekly meal service to shoulder some of the responsibility.
Because remember, you are not Gordon Ramsay.
What you think you did wrong: Went to the pediatrician—again—and it was nothing
What you actually right: Followed your gut
There is no such thing as an unnecessary doctor visit. When your child exhibits symptoms that cause you concern, it is absolutely acceptable for you to get them checked out. A doctor would much rather see you for a false alarm than find out you sought medical advice from 200 unqualified strangers on social media. You are your child’s biggest—and sometimes only—advocate. Kids look to you to know when there are signs of trouble. Lean into that honor and never question it. If your concern turns out to be nothing, great. You can sleep easier knowing you trusted your gut.
What you think you did wrong: Let your children fall
What you actually did right: Taught them to get back up
This applies both metaphorically and actually. Babies learn to walk because they fall down and then get back up again. In the same way, your child will learn to succeed by failing—and then trying again. By allowing your children to make mistakes, such as running on a slippery surface, eating too much candy or forgetting their homework again, you teach them to fail quickly and then rebound faster on their own.
What you think you did wrong: Missed your children’s event/game
What you actually did right: Taught them to be their own cheerleaders
A harsh reality for kids to learn is that their mom cannot be present for every high and low of their lives. As much as we want to attend every field day, trip to the aquarium and musical performance, it simply isn’t feasible. Mothers are humans and they are not omnipresent. We have our own goals and, gasp, lives! When a conflict arises and you’re forced to miss a game or a performance, cut yourself some slack. Talk to your child and explain where you will be and why it’s important that you be there. Then send him on his way with a smile, knowing he’ll be just fine. After all, you can’t sit in on your child’s first performance review, so he’d better get used to going it alone now.
What you think you did wrong: Slept in on the weekend
What you actually did right: Taught self-sufficiency
If your child is old enough to get cereal from the cabinet and work a remote control, you are allowed a few sleep-ins on the weekend. The world will not collapse if that pile of laundry doesn’t get put into the dryer, and your household will not die of starvation if you skip making breakfast on Sunday. By having a morning all to yourself, you teach those little ones of yours to fend for themselves. Might it backfire? Sure. They might find a Twinkie for breakfast, but hey, they’re fed. (Also, a Twinkie is nutritionally no better than a donut, so relax.) Let go of the notion that you aren’t allowed a little bit of laziness.
Every family and situation is different, but most moms have one thing in common. We worry we aren’t doing it right. Trust that you are doing your absolute best and no one is doing it perfectly. Give yourself some grace and a pedicure … you’ve earned it.
Things Moms Do That Feel So Wrong But Are So, So Right:
- Take the long way home so you can finish one more episode of your favorite podcast.
- Skip piano lessons and get a mommy/daughter pedicure instead.
- Say NO to PTA, book club, coaching, chaperoning or any extracurricular activity you don’t have the bandwidth for.
- Sign up to bring the easiest item on the school holiday party list. Napkins, baby. Napkins.
- Eat the kids’ Halloween/Easter/Christmas candy.
- Hire the babysitter. Two times in one week.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.