Motivation is a tricky thing. For some children, it just happens naturally. They want to do well in school, help around the house and put their best foot forward in every sport or activity. For other kids, finding internal motivation is a challenge. Through no fault of their own, the desire to do all the things all of the time isn’t as prevalent. These little ones are more likely to follow an easier path, let the work pile up and even sit things out.
Whichever version you’re dealing with—and you’re likely to encounter both in the same household—it’s important to remember that both are right. We’re all made differently. Ultimately though, there’s no denying that motivation is paramount to keeping kids involved and moving toward goals.
So what can we parents do to keep the motivation train running smoothly on the tracks? Here are five tips to implement in your kids’ daily lives.
Start small
Motivation is like a set of building blocks: You have to start at the bottom. Children especially need to see successes in small increments. If your goal is to motivate your children to clean their entire room, avoid saying, “Go clean your entire room.” It’s simply too overwhelming—and, frankly, it even sounds boring. All your child hears is, “Go do this big thing that seems impossible and will take all day.”
Instead, begin with the most minimal of requirements and build upward. Consider a job that’s small but easy to see the rewards of—like making the bed. When one task is completed, go to the next. Each job gets your child closer and closer to a clean room and your sanity closer to restoration.
Reward big—properly
When a child does something positive, it’s natural to want to reward the behavior. Fair enough. But oftentimes parents think a reward means chocolate or a new toy. Au contraire. These rewards actually belong in the bribe category, and bribes do not work. Either the chocolate piece won’t be big enough, or the new toy won’t be the right one. Plus, bribes eventually backfire, and you’ll be left with a closet full of meaningless toys that your child will then need to clean up.
End that cycle.
Teach your children that the reward for something—we’ll stick with a clean room as an example—is the satisfaction of a job well done. Remind them that with this newly cleaned room, they can see all their toys at once. Now that their bed is made and clean, it feels so much more snuggly when they crawl inside it at night. Lastly, don’t underestimate the impact of a huge smile and hug from you.
Focus on internal motivation
It’s very easy to overemphasize our personal pride in our children. When their child overcomes an obstacle, parents often reach for the “I’m SO proud of you!” exclamation. Although it certainly is vital for children to witness a proud parent, the real value is feeling pride in themselves. After all, they are the ones who worked hard, put in the effort and made the good thing happen.
As a parent, you can’t be there every time your kids hit a bump in the road, telling them you’re so proud of them for trying. So where will they find the motivation? Hint: It’s within. Teach your kids that they are the ones who have the power to keep going and to keep working toward a goal. Let them feel the addicting swell of pride through their body when they accomplish something on their own. They’ll chase that high the rest of their lives.
Keep talking
Communication is a consistent takeaway for every parent when it comes to raising a motivated child. Parents frequently assume they know the answers for a lack of motivation, and understandably so. After all, it takes a lot longer to find out the true “why,” and we rarely find ourselves with extra time. Nevertheless, consider taking a few moments to get to the bottom of an issue of motivation before presuming to know the answer.
Recently, I inquired of my son about why he refuses to brush his teeth. I assumed it was simply laziness and a lack of motivation to do the right thing. When I asked, I was surprised to learn he hated his toothpaste. It was too “spicy,” and he didn’t like the way it felt in his mouth.
Color me minty shocked.
We quickly switched his toothpaste, and ever since, he has been much more aggregable to the nighttime routine. (Don’t get me wrong, sometimes he still puts up a fight.) The lesson I learned in that moment was sweeping. I don’t always have the answers about my child—but he always will if I’m willing to ask the question.
Lead the way
If you aren’t great at picking up after yourself, why would you expect your child to be? No matter how much we want a child to be inherently tidy, efficient and timely, it’s too much to ask. We must give our children grace and recognize that they will be great at some things and struggle with others. Just like us.
Consider pointing out your own flaws before harping on your child’s. For example, if you’re bad at being motivated to take out the trash, focus on shifting your motivation. Even better, show the behavior change so your child can emulate it. Say something like, “Man, I hate taking out the trash, but I know how important it is in keeping our house clean. Will you help me?” Showing your child that you, yes you, can spark change in your own motivation will almost certainly encourage your kids to do the same.
More ways to encourage motivation
- Allow failure. If you eliminate every little obstacle your child encounters, the real ones will be that much harder to overcome. A little struggle never hurt anyone, but it did make them better.
- Attempts over results. If your child attempts something and fails, praise the effort. “I saw how hard you worked at that cartwheel! Even though you didn’t get it this time, I know you will soon!”
- Try new things. Get your children out of their comfort zone. Try lots of sports, games and activities. Don’t buy the expensive sports equipment right away and pigeon hole your child into one type of activity. Tread lightly and leave the door open for numerous experiences. The motivation will come naturally when they discover something they truly love.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.