Get Your Weekly Top Events Here

KC Parent

MenuClose

Finding Your Village

By |

“Friendships are not made if you’re not there.”

As mothers, we all understand the importance of children learning how to socialize. It helps them step out of their bubble, be empathetic, talk to other children, share and helps them gain confidence. We all were once children and have had to learn these skills, but what happens when we’re in the thick of motherhood? Where does our socialization come from? Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom whose whole world has been thrown upside down, this is where the importance of finding your village comes in.

Motherhood can be all-consuming and a unique stage of life where you can feel lonely but you’re rarely alone. It’s often a time where our self-identity gets blurred or lost along the way, but we need to be aware of this loss and proactive to reel it back in once we get our sea legs. Finding a community to socialize with is important for us moms in the same way it’s important for our children. It helps us step out of our bubble, share empathy with other moms and be heard when we have tough days. Social connections let us share tips and tricks-even childcare sometimes-and help us gain confidence in our parenting journey.

We understand why community is important, but where does one go to find it? Here’s where stepping outside your bubble comes in. As mentioned before, we must be proactive and intentional about finding our village. Luckily, there are numerous groups to check out from the safety of your screen. Once you find one that sounds appealing, you must actually show up if you want others to show up for you. Some other mom is waiting for you to attend too.

We moved when I was a new mom, and although I loved being a stay-at-home mom to my new baby girl, it was lonely. When our second child came soon after and I had two under 2 and two in diapers, I joined all the mommy groups just to have some outside socialization for both my babies and myself. I was in MOPs groups that met on opposite days, a moms group at a church that met weekly, as well as a moms group through Meetup.com that hosted playdates as well as moms nights out. I was involved to the point that it was kind of a joke, but I loved having community and something to structure my days around. I even started hosting my own book club at local coffee shops on weeknights once a week.

MOPs (Moms of Preschoolers) is a great organization run by other moms at various churches around the world. Most groups meet twice a month for a couple of hours and include childcare, brunch, speakers on topics pertaining to motherhood, crafts and more. I met many friends through my MOPs groups over the years, and it was a great way to practice separation from my littles. They also have groups for working moms as well. This is a safe place to share and learn from others about all things motherhood. My playdate group through Meetup.com was a great way to make friends with local moms while our kiddos made friends as well. It was fun to discover new parks, playgrounds and indoor play areas. This was where I could have conversations with other adults while letting the kids play and tire themselves out for nap time. There are even apps now that help with Mommy “dating.” We have since moved two more times, and I had to start over at square one each time. But I knew what to do to get plugged in, so I joined a bunch of groups once again. It definitely helped our new dwelling place feel more like home more quickly.

Now my kids are older, and proximity and consistency really matter in maintaining friendships. Once my kids aged out of my preschool groups, I didn’t see my friends I had met there as often. Life gets busy for us all, so without that set time to see each other, it’s hard to make time to get together-especially when you live in different neighborhoods and your kids go to different schools. So what comes next? A pivot to join different kinds of groups: Volunteer at your children’s school, join the PTO/PTA, meet the other parents at your kids’ extracurricular activities or start your own group based on an interest you have and invite others to attend.

My current mommy playdates include our baseball family (entering our third year together) and my new book club that’s been a success for a year now. Commitment is what I find to be key to getting to know other moms. There are definitely some practices where I gladly drop off my sons or daughter and carry on with whatever else needs to get done, but friendships are not made if you’re not there. With our baseball team, we spend most weekends March through July cheering the team on. That’s a lot of time spent together, which is a lot of time to get to know each other if you want to. It means sitting near other families and having conversations with them; it means helping out with carpool and loving on the other players.

Book clubs are probably my favorite way to take friendships to a deeper level. Inviting people to your home lets them see you as a more complete person. With my husband’s travel schedule and three kids under 8 that went to bed by 7:30 p.m.-I was essentially trapped at my own house. I decided to host book club and have my friends come to me. It was the best! We met weekly and discussed a few chapters at a time while also catching up and doing life together. This group continued even after we moved and is still going strong, led by the amazing Amanda Wettersten. She is fabulous at hosting and hospitality, so if that side of things stresses you out, check out her 100 People Project at AmandaWettersten.com for simple and sweet ideas on how to invite others in.

After our most recent move, I began a book club that gradually became a podcast club where we listen to a podcast episode and then discuss it each week. Sadly, it came to a halt during the pandemic. Last year I put myself out there (yet again!) with a social media or text invite to anyone who was interested in starting a new book club with me. Our current book club meets monthly, and we take turns hosting. We often have new people each month, and its my favorite thing! In fact, a friend met a woman in the bathroom line at the Taylor Swift concert, learned she was new to town, invited her and she came!

Going back to extracurricular practices for your kids, be intentional with your time. Introduce yourself at the practices and find common interests. Want to get more steps in each day? Walk together around the field or neighborhood until practice is over. Have younger kids to entertain? Visit a nearby park for a playdate while you wait for their older siblings to finish practice. If your children aren’t in extracurricular activities, invite a co-worker to walk during your lunch break everyday or work out before or after work several days a week. After our last move, I found that many neighbor friends were home or worked from home, so I had them over for a ladies’ lunch since it was easier than trying to work around kids’ activities after school. Evening walks with neighborhood friends is another way to find deeper friendships. Another tip is to keep it consistent and plan your next meeting before you leave. Once it’s on the calendar, it’s more likely to happen instead of falling into the dreaded, “We should get together sometime!” that keeps looping every time you see someone you’d actually like to meet up with.

Tips for Finding Your Tribe

  1. Research and join an existing group.

  2. Be open to hosting a new group.

  3. Consistency matters.

  4. Utilize times already built into your day.

  5. Get it on the calendar!

  6. Pick back up a previous interest like line dancing, karaoke, reading, knitting, trivia nights  and adult sports leagues.


Stephanie Loux is the mother of  Layla, 13, Mason, 12, and Slade, 9, and enjoys hosting and creating community wherever she goes.

Supporting Special Needs Parents

By |

Parenting is hard work. Parenting a special needs child, however, amplifies everything. There’s more exhaustion, more overwhelm, more expense, more need for advocating and intense research to advocate further. There are also limitations: lack of equipped childcare options, lack of time for self-care, developing a healthy work/home life balance, enriching a marriage or spending individual time with other children in the family who do not have special needs. Perhaps the biggest challenge of all is simply being misunderstood by the broader community. Here in no particular order are things that special needs parents want you to know.

  1. We’re different, but we’re not. You might not understand all the intricacies of our daily routines-all the therapies and specialists, elimination diets and demanding protocols-but you could (and you would) do it if you were in our shoes too. Deep down we want the same things for our children: We want them to thrive. And as parents, we’ll do anything to help them get there, even if it requires much of us.

  2. We need extra grace. Please don’t put us on pedestals or hold us at a distance. We’re not superhuman, and we have the same needs as anyone else. If anything, we just need extra grace. Having a special needs child can bring about immense guilt and grief that we’re constantly working through. Our time may be limited, so don’t take it personally if we can’t accept every invitation you send, but please know it means a ton to be invited!

  3. Hard is hard. There’s no prize for having the most difficult special needs situation. So please don’t compare our situation to someone else’s in an effort to either make us feel more noble or make light of the challenges our child faces. Statements such as, “I don’t know how you can do it! I could never do what you do!” or “Well, at least your kid can fill-in-the-blank!” aren’t helpful to our daily reality. Likewise, please withhold irrelevant advice and cliche comments. If you don’t know what to say, silence is golden.

  4. Seen and unseen disabilities are equally painful in different ways. Children with physical disabilities wear their struggles on their sleeves and can be on the receiving end of awkwardly long stares, confused glances and well-intentioned but hurtful statements. Oftentimes, parents of children with physical disabilities feel pitied. Children with hidden disabilities, such as spectrum disorders and intellectual disabilities, face their own fair share of public scrutiny when strangers, family and friends wonder why they can’t seem to just “get it together” and act neurotypical when, in fact, they’re not. In this case, many parents feel blamed or shamed for their child’s behavior.

  5. Odd behaviors are not the result of bad parenting. Children with special needs may moan, groan, yell, clap or engage in a stimming activity to self-soothe such as rocking, rolling or swaying. They may make a ruckus if overwhelmed or overstimulated because they don’t have the ability to communicate otherwise. Special needs children are not making a show for attention, and their behavior isn’t an indicator that they’ve not been parented well.

  6. Parents aren’t the only ones impacted by life with special needs. It’s natural for sibling rivalry to occur between brothers and sisters. But when one child requires the majority of the family’s time, energy and resources, it can cause a mix of emotions for a non-special needs sibling such as guilt for being well, anger or resentment for feeling unseen or shame about peer response to the family dynamic. Our special needs child then isn’t the only one with unique needs. Our other children need friends and special supports to better equip them for the dynamic present at home.


Ways you can support a special needs parent

If you have a friend or loved one with a special needs child and you don’t know how to help, here are some great starting points.

  1. Ask. One of the greatest ways to show care to special needs parents is to simply ask what helps them the most. Not only do degree and severity of special needs differ, but so do the needs and temperaments of special needs parents. Just simply stating, “How can I help the most?” is a great starting point and a gift itself.

  2. Learn. Do your due diligence to become better informed regarding the special need your loved one is facing. Watch a documentary, take a class, read some books or listen to podcasts that help you become better informed so that you can more actively engage in kind and appropriate ways during your next interaction.

  3. Babysit. Childcare for special needs can be incredibly limited, not to mention expensive. It’s a huge gift, then, when a loved one makes the effort to provide respite care for any length of time, be it an hour, a day or a weekend. If you find that providing childcare for a special needs child is outside your comfort zone, consider offering these alternative services instead:


  • Offer to babysit the special needs child’s siblings. Take them to the park, offer to drive them to extracurriculars or do a special outing they wouldn’t be able to participate in with their sibling, such as going to the movies or a theater show.

  • Offer to watch the special needs child while Mom and Dad are at home, close enough to assist if needed, but otherwise given the freedom to catch up on work, household chores or self-care such as reading, journaling, working out or resting.

  • Offer to help with housework so that your loved one has more bandwidth to be fully present with her child


4. Pick up the tab. Special needs can cost a bundle, and many parents let their own needs go. Thoughtful gifts like restaurant gift cards, grocery delivery, spa services (haircut, massage, pedicure, etc.), or a gym membership can go a long way in helping Mom and Dad feel loved.

5. Accommodate. When planning an outing that includes your loved one’s child, make sure the venue will accommodate their needs, for instance access at an optimum time of day, wheelchair accessibility, a sensory friendly room and a menu that covers dietary restrictions.

6. Be there. A good friend doesn’t have to have all the right answers or provide all the right resources. Sometimes it’s as simple as sending a text of encouragement, leaving a note on the doorstep or offering to go on a walk. Presence truly can be one of the greatest presents.

Lauren Greenlee is a boymom of four neuro-creatives ranging from teenagers to toddler. She writes from her Olathe home.

Bike Trails in KC

By |

Take a photo safari on a bike trail! These are just a few of Kansas City’s nicest bike trails. Discover more local trails at KCBike.info.

  • Trolley Trail: This 6-mile paved trail connects the Country Club Plaza, Brookside and Waldo in southern Kansas City, MO. Why we love it: This is a great urban ride with many super lunch stops and shops along the way.

  • Swope Trails: Built for mountain bike enthusiasts, the 13.5 miles of trails wind through the woods at Swope Park. Local volunteers and the KC Parks system continue to improve these trails for athletes. Why we love it: These trails are designed with adventure in mind. From beautiful limestone bluffs to wooded paths, the trails offer nature in the heart of the city.

  • Smithville Lake Trail: This 4-mile (and growing) off-road trail is great for mountain bikers. Why we love it: Smithville Lake offers a scenic view for the rider to get out and enjoy nature.

  • Mill Creek Streamway Park: One of the nicest paved trails in Johnson County, this 10-plus-mile byway runs along the creek from the Kaw River, south through Shawnee Mission Park, to 119th Street in Olathe. Why we love it: This popular trail offers a variety of scenery along the way.

  • Shawnee Mission Park: The park offers mountain bike trails connecting to Mill Creek Streamway Park trails. Why we love it: Lake, woods and shelters make this a great choice for nature lovers.

Leftover Pasta Frittata

By |

Here is the permission you need to serve your kids spaghetti for any meal and feel great about it because you are using your leftovers. This mash-up of pasta and frittata combines some favorite comfort foods for a rich, cheesy, inexpensive pantry meal. The variations are endless too.

Recipe courtesy of Leite’s Culinaria.

Ingredients

  • 6 large eggs

  • 1/4 c. grated Parmesan or pecorino cheese

  • 2 T. olive oil plus oil or butter for the skillet

  • 1/8 t. salt

  • Freshly ground black pepper

  • 4 oz. cold leftover spaghetti, sauced or un-sauced


Instructions

1. Crack the eggs into a bowl and whisk very well. Mix in the cheese, oil, salt and a grind of pepper.

2. If you have sauced spaghetti, dump it in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat along with a couple tablespoons water and heat until it’s warm but before it starts to sizzle. Drain off any water that hasn’t evaporated and turn the spaghetti into the egg mixture. Wipe out the skillet, return it to medium-low heat and add enough oil or butter to slick the bottom and sides of the skillet. Add the egg mixture, distributing the spaghetti evenly if it clumps. If you have plain, un-sauced spaghetti, heat a couple tablespoons oil or butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium or medium-high heat. Add the spaghetti. Let it get crisp and browned on the bottom, pressing down once or twice on the spaghetti with a spatula. Reduce the heat to medium-low and add the egg mixture.

3. Turn the heat to low and occasionally rotate the skillet a quarter turn if the egg seems to be cooking unevenly around the edges. When the perimeter of the frittata looks set and the center is still somewhat liquid, which should be after about 8 minutes, run a table knife around the skillet to loosen the sides of the frittata and carefully slip a thin metal spatula under it to loosen the underside. Invert a plate over the skillet and place one hand over the plate and the other hand on the skillet handle. Here comes the exciting part-you’re going to flip the frittata onto the plate. Set the plate down and quickly slick the skillet with a little more oil or butter. Then, with the help of the spatula, encourage the frittata to slide back into the skillet. Don’t worry if things are looking a little Humpty Dumpty-just fit it all back together again and keep it over low heat until it’s cooked through, about 7 more minutes.

4. When the frittata seems to be cooked through, make a crack in the middle with the tip of the spatula and sneak a peek to see that the egg is all set. When it’s ready, slide or flip the frittata onto a plate. The good news is that there are a couple sides to every frittata-so if you like the looks of the top side, slide the frittata out the way you slid it in. If you like the looks of the other side better, flip it out onto a clean plate and show that one. Let cool a little or a lot, slice in wedges or squares or long skinny strips and serve. (A frittata tastes good hot, better after it has cooled a half-hour or so and possibly best after it has had a chance to regroup on the countertop for an afternoon.)

April Editor’s Letter

By |

April has arrived, and I welcome it with open arms! Spring is bursting on the scene with new life and pops of color. Make some plans to enjoy the outdoors as nature awakens once again and beckons you.

As the outdoors spring to life, the rhythm of the season brings us plenty to celebrate: Earth Day on April 22, Arbor Day on April 26 and a unique eclipse on April 8, as well as National Gardening Day on April 14. Who knew? In case you haven’t checked a calendar recently, make note of Autism Awareness Day (April 2), National Picnic Day (April 23) and National Siblings Day (April 10). Give April a quick search on the inter-webs for plenty more things to note: Sourdough Bread Day, Peanut Butter & Jelly Day, Pet Day, Jackie Robinson Day, Grilled Cheese Day, Plant Appreciation Day, Laundry Day-and more than I can possibly list! There is indeed plenty to celebrate every day!

I believe waking up to life and breath itself is plenty cause for celebration! To help you mark some of these special days, don’t miss our new feature, “Park Jaunts” on pg. 21. You’ll get some lovely park destinations to consider to pair with National Picnic Day-and any other day you choose!

In honor of my beautiful and beloved “baby” sister, this month’s “5 Things” highlights some fun baby ideas as she anticipates welcoming her first baby. Additionally, have you ever considered how many of us parents are, in fact, parents of children with special needs? See Lauren Greenlee’s article on pg. 46 for ideas to help you rally around other parents as we all navigate this journey of parenthood.

Summer is coming quickly too. While I am sure there are plenty of days to celebrate in June and July, our Camp Guide can help you make the summer months even more fun for your kids. The guide can also be online at KCParent.com.

Make time to celebrate!

Celebrate National Poetry Month in Kansas City

By |

April is National Poetry Month, and our city offers many landmarks celebrating the art form.

The Central Library of the Kansas City Public Library (14 W. 10th St., Kansas City, Mo., 816.701.3400), housed in the former First National Bank of Kansas City, is one of the city’s most beautiful downtown landmarks. The library is an architectural masterpiece with reading rooms, research areas, a cafe and a rooftop view of the city skyline complete with a giant life-size chess set! But the children’s department is the most special section of the library for families. Enter through the pages of a book to a place where kids will discover a wonderful reading area organized by age and interests and that offers many hands-on activities. This library is so special that even the parking garage is unique! The Community Bookshelf painted along the south wall of the Central Library’s parking garage (on 10th Street between Wyandotte Street and Baltimore Avenue) displays book spines featuring 22 titles from classics to local interest, including The Collection of Poems by Langston Hughes (an ideal photo op for Poetry Month).

Mark Twain, the famous Missouri author and humorist, also wrote over 120 poems. Visit the Mark Twain statue on the corner of 10th & Central in Downtown Kansas City, Missouri, just a few blocks away from the Central Library and its parking garage, which is adorned with classic book titles-including The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

First Fridays in the Crossroads are a monthly celebration of the arts in downtown. The event opens local art galleries to locals and tourists alike. Throughout the district, you may enjoy poetry readings, dance, painting, sculpture, music and more.

“In Flanders Fields,” a poem by John McCrae, became the signature of WWI. The poem memorializes the fallen soldier with the lines, “In Flanders fields the poppies blow €¦ Between the crosses, row on row€¦” After the war, the American Legion adopted the Flanders Fields Memorial Poppy as the U.S. national emblem of remembrance. The National WWI Museum and Memorial chose to display 9,000 poppies under the Paul Sunderland Bridge, a clear walkway visitors cross to enter the museum, each flower representing 1,000 combatant deaths during WWI.

Still can’t get enough of KC fun?

Get even more with our weekly eNewsletter—packed with can’t-miss events, exclusive giveaways, and local family fun. Join 51,000+ KC parents who already subscribe!

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.