7 Ways to Serve Your Community

By Michael Gimotty | October 22, 2024

Becoming a parent is so much more than simply bringing a child into your home. We’re in charge of teaching our children everything from how to tie their shoes to how to ride . We’re also responsible for teaching them the importance of serving others. Children (and humans in general) are naturally self-centered, but serving gives us all the opportunity to look past ourselves and develop compassion and empathy for others. There are a couple approaches to choosing a service opportunity: you can research or ask around about existing opportunities in your community, or you can use your family’s interests and talents to serve in ways your enjoy. You can serve together as a family, or serve in a variety of ways to use different family members’ talents.

The first option teaches our children that we help when and where our community is in need, whether it’s enjoyable or not. This could mean collecting litter, picking up after a storm, or cleaning out dog kennels at the local shelter. The second option teaches our children to use their talents to make a positive impact on others. This could mean creating a flyer for a charity, making meals for neighbors in need, baking cookies for the fire department, or drawing pictures to send to nursing home residents. If you’d like to serve your community more, here are seven ways you can do so.

1. Food bank: Your local food bank is a great place to volunteer as a family either at the actual location or out in the community. Harvesters Community Food Network lists a variety of volunteer opportunities on their website. You can host a food or fund drive either in-person or virtually, donate their most-needed food items, or even give bounty from your own garden. You can also become a Barrel Buddy by adopting a grocery store donation barrel and bringing those donations in. You can help pack lunch sacks that are available for families, children and seniors, as well as for disaster relief response efforts. You can pack holiday boxes, pack healthy family meal kits, or make cards for seniors that are included in Commodity Supplemental Food Program (CSFP) boxes. Serving at the food bank can be a great way to teach our children gratitude and show them lives outside their own bubbles.

2. Animals: If your family loves animals or your children desperately want a family pet but it’s not in the cards, serving at your local animal shelter can be a great way to scratch that itch. The Humane Society of Greater Kansas City needs volunteers to walk dogs, socialize scared kittens, clean, organize, perform administrative tasks, and do facility projects like painting and gardening. You could also host a fundraiser to purchase items from the organization’s Amazon wish list. If your home is pet-friendly, consider fostering a shelter animal to give them a better chance to be adopted while freeing up more space for another animal in need. Plus, the Human Society provides all supplies and medical care to foster families.

3. Schools: Our community’s schools need all the help they can get. Schools usually ask parents if they can volunteer when they register their kids. Especially if you work full time and your kids are in a variety of activities, it may be a default no for you. But slow down and see if there are ways to serve your school ways that make sense for you and your family. Maybe running a booth at the school fair is doable; plus, it’s something you can do as a family while mingling with other parents and students. You could host a book fundraiser for your teacher’s classroom or the school library. You could ask if any teachers need help arranging or preparing their rooms over the summer. For example, this summer, my older two children helped some fifth grade teachers by putting down all the desk sand arranging them in their classrooms. All three of my children are in school, and personally, having served two years on the PTO, volunteeringas a room parent, and substitute teaching, I can tell you that there’s always something your family can do to serve your school. Some great places to start are to attend PTO meetings or sign up as room parent to make sure your child’s teacher is properly supported.

4. Parks and Rec: If your family enjoys community events, try volunteering with your local parks and recreation department. Volunteers are needed for local 5K races, holiday events, and therapeutic programs for individuals with disabilities, as well sports leagues. If your child is going to play a sport through your rec center and you have some knowledge or experience, volunteering to coach is a great way to serve other families in your community. Even offering to be a co-coach is helpful-this might entail herding players or handling administrative tasks like sending emails or making a snack sign-up.

5. Picking up litter: One of the first ways our family served our community was to go on litterwalks-we just took a few bags and picked up trash on a walk we would normally take anyway. This is a simple way to serve at times when it’s convenient for you. It’s even stroller-friendly for those with little ones. Have everyone wear disposable gloves; remind everyone that only adults can pick up liquids, gas, and any other questionable items. You can even take before and after pictures to show your kids the difference they made in their own neighborhood. Then see how many different areas you can serve with continued litter walks. Our children are older now and have to accrue service hours for school clubs and to meet high school graduation requirements. After I saw the opportunity advertised in our town newsletter, our family adopted a street where we’re responsible for picking up litter. The first time took a couple hours and was a great opportunity for our kids to notice the most commonly discarded items and how terrible litter makes our community look. The second time took half as long, which taught our children that the more often you pick up,the less litter accumulates and the nicer our street looks. It may not be the most fun activity, but a little humility never hurt our kids.

6. RAKS: Random Acts of Kindness (RAKs) are a fun way to serve our communities. For example, your family could return all the abandoned carts in a grocery store parking lot; bring treats to your local police and fire stations; bring favorite drinks to your children’s teachers; or help neighbors with yard work. These are all ways to bring joy to our communities as we help each other out. See if your kids can come up with their own ideas, then look online for more. You can then set aside a day or weekend to do as many RAKs as you can, or do one RAK every weekend to boost positivity in your community.

7. Ice Cream Socials: Another fun way to serve your community is to focus on your own neighborhood by hosting an ice cream social in your driveway. Sometimes volunteering can seem like a daunting task, but make it smaller and form those relationships. Put up signs, hand out flyers, text your neighbors, then hand out ice cream cones or popsicles and spend some time with your community. We have hosted ice cream social in the past three states we have lived in. It’s always a fun way to spend our time, and we’re always left wishing we’d done it more often. It doesn’t have to be fancy, either. We set out a card table, a tub of ice cream, cones or bowls, and lawn chairs. Tip: If you’re new to the neighborhood or your neighborhood hasn’t done an event like this before, plant some friends in your driveway. People are usually afraid of being the first ones or the only ones to show up an event, so if they see people already chatting and having fun, they’re more likely to join.

Local churches or charities are a great resource to find existing service opportunities. And if your family is in an especially busy season, financial service is always appreciated. You can involve your children by having them send a card with your family’s contribution. This teaches them that we can help our community in a variety of ways, including sharing our family’s resources. In the future, my husband and I plan to have our children pick a charity that matters to them and do a presentation to the family on why we should give money toward the organization of their choice.

Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla (14), Mason (12) and Slade (9). Their family has helped serve their communities in a variety of ways.

Learning Styles

By KC Parent | August 30, 2024

Schools have evolved since I was a student, and I love that educators are working with students and their various learning styles to help them obtain the best education they can. As a parent, I can easily see the differences in learning styles among my own three children-sometimes a checklist will work for one kid, and an audio reminder from Alexa will be better for another child.

Many of us got a little glimpse into teaching during COVID and at-home learning. I also became a substitute teacher in 2021 and have seen the vast differences in students in a variety of classrooms. I come home wondering how these teachers do it all because it is a lot. But educators are amazing and have learned how to teach children in a variety of ways.

On the other hand, there are a lot of students in each classroom, so parents matter too. If you find your child struggling at school or with homework, it’s important to advocate for your student and work with the teacher or teachers to help your child be a successful student.

Check out the sidebar and consider which learning styles might resonate with you if you were beginning a new job or hobby. It’s amazing that there are so many ways to learn, and we need to remember this when we’re trying to help our children learn new things. For example, I remember having to learn about the human heart in sixth grade and how our teacher had us memorize the parts of the heart by walking through a diagram he had taped to the floor. Kinesthetic learning for the win!

How children spend time in the classroom matters too. If you have an office job, you can probably relate-sitting still for extended periods of time can be tiresome. Classrooms have progressed and offer a range of options such as standing, sitting at a desk, a wiggly chair, exercise ball or tire or even moving around the room throughout the day to a variety of seats. Many classrooms also have different lighting as well as calming music during independent work time. When talking to your school, it may be something to ask about as you seek the right teacher fit for your child.

Brain breaks are common in elementary classes, in addition to recess and specials times. If your child struggles with getting homework or chores done at home, try integrating some movement breaks as a reward for sitting and focusing for a set period. Speaking of rewards, actual rewards work great too! Whether it’s a Skittle here and there to reward positive work habits, tickets to earn bigger rewards or money, gifts can be a work incentive for some children. My older son’s fifth grade class used a class bank beautifully last year. Students were paid for their weekly classroom jobs and could earn more money for being on task, earning good grades on assignments and participating in class discussions. They also had to pay for negative behavior.

Another thing to keep in mind is how so many schools require classroom work and homework be done almost exclusively on computers. Even elementary students are submitting schoolwork online. Kids need their parents to advocate for them if digital learning doesn’t serve them well.

Julia Azzani, mother of four and former teacher, explains this being a challenge for one of her daughters and how she is assisting her: “Everything here is done on the computer. For some reason, it’s hard for my daughter to read longer texts on the computer, and she doesn’t do it as well as when she does it on paper. I have asked permission for her to turn stuff like that in on paper. Something about her writing it by hand helps her retain it better,” she says.

Math homework at the school Azzani’s daughter attends also must be submitted by computer. “I make her do her math on paper too,” Azzani says. The computer submission has no requirement to show work, so students can’t see where they made their mistake if they get an answer wrong. “I’ve asked the teacher to check the computer but also her written work,” she says.

Azzani says her daughter is also a slow reader, which makes it quite a challenge to read the required chapters each night and write a paragraph response. “I got permission for her to listen and follow along on an audiobook, and I bought a physical book of her own so she can write in it and stay focused,” Azzani says. “We now ask what exactly is graded. For example, she loves to write but is a bad speller, so I am allowed to help her with that for now. It’s the same case for geography. Her map tests are graded so that if you identify the right state but spell it wrong, you don’t get any credit. It’s hard for her to worry about two things at once, so having one focus when she’s completing an assignment helps [both of us].”

Staci Winborn, mother of two and teacher, goes the extra mile for her students too. “One of my students bombed his eighth-grade math test. When I had him make corrections before turning it in to his math teacher, I told him I would write, and he had to tell me the steps,” Winborn says. “Simply by being a scribe for this student who has dyslexia, he went from an F to an A on his math test.”

I am amazed at how teachers do care and are trying their best to help individual students reach their potential.

Nicki Petersen, mother of one, says, “Some of my son’s classes had them do an entire assessment on learning style. The kids really got a glimpse into how to understand how they learn and what doesn’t benefit them.” She adds that her son has learned how to advocate for himself and that he “already has some accommodations for ADHD, so he’s already aware of what works and what doesn’t.”

My own elementary school music teacher, Susan Twedt, taught for 33 years before retiring in 2010. She says, “I tried to teach a lesson using visual, auditory and kinesthetic. That way I could, hopefully, teach the way the kids needed to learn. We could listen to the song, look at the notes and move to help enforce the concepts.”

Cara Johnson, teacher and mother of three, says, “Learning styles have been a recent topic of conversation for me! Typically, we assume or think that students learn in a variety of styles that suit them best. Some say they are visual learners, some auditory, some tactile, etc. However, some research says that it’s not about matching the learner with their preferred style, but rather getting students to process their understanding in a variety of ways. For example, if they can verbalize, write and visually represent their understanding in some way, there’s a better chance they’ll retain the information rather than just knowing you presented it to them in the way that suits their style of learning.”

It’s important to advocate for your child but to also have respect and work with your child’s school and teachers. I know that this stage of life is busy, but teachers need parents to assist with learning at home too. Reading with them, practicing math facts, checking to see whether they got their homework done and helping when needed all matter a great deal and make a difference in the classroom.

Different Learning Styles

- Visual: graphs, videos and flashcards

- Auditory: music, listening to a lecture or an audiobook

- Physical: a hands-on approach or utilizing movement

- Verbal: writing and presenting, like a book report or essay

- Logical: patterns and statistics

- Social: collaborating and group work

- Solitary: independent work

Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 13, Mason, 11, and Slade, 8, and tries her best to help her kids be successful students and to support and partner well with their teachers.

Back-to-School Traditions

By Kristina Light | August 13, 2024

It’s almost that time once again. Another end to another summer as we head into the 2024-2025 school year. Kendra Adachi, host of The Lazy Genius Podcast, often talks about closing ceremonies, and I think this is the perfect time to add in a closing ceremony that can become a family tradition that everyone looks forward to and creates a family memory. This can be something over the top or something super simple.

Looking back on my own childhood, a back-to-school tradition that we had was going school shopping for some new clothes and shoes for the upcoming school year. My brother and I were each given a budget-a great learning exercise for us to practice deciding what we really wanted versus what we actually needed. We didn’t shop often, so this was an exciting outing for us. This tradition lives on a little bit with my kids’ getting new back-to-school shoes and maybe a new shirt for school picture day. Maybe it will become more of a thing as they get older and care more about their clothing choices. I know my soon-to-be freshman daughter would be all in on a shopping day!

As the mom in my own family now, I’ve initiated the simple tradition of going out for ice cream both to celebrate the start of the school year and to mark the end of school and the start of summer vacation. We don’t go out for ice cream or froyo often, so that alone makes the tradition more special. The novelty of whatever you choose for your observance makes it even more exciting.

Of course, I am a parent of the Pinterest era, so I have the chalkboard sign for each of my kids to pose with for first- and last-day-of-school photos. We also have graduation year t-shirts that they get wear for a photo each year as well. They may roll their eyes now, but I see how remarkably their little kindergarten bodies, once swallowed up by this size large t-shirt, grow in the blink of an eye to a point that the shirt actually starts to fit them. It’s been a cute way to show the passage of time. I also find it important to show my kids the photos each year because, regardless of how excited they are to participate in Mom’s shenanigans, they do like seeing how little they were and how much they have changed over the years.

Other back-to-school traditions could include eating a certain type of food, going shopping, taking a family outing, reading a specific book, doing an interview or making a time capsule each year, or even making a bucket list or setting some goals for the upcoming school year.

Perhaps your family goes out to eat at a restaurant special to you, or you enjoy trying a new restaurant each year. Maybe you only make a special meal or dessert once a year that everyone looks forward to like the Lyons and Nauman families do. Sarah Lyons, mother of six, says, “I make cinnamon roll waffles on the first and last day of summer.” Joellyn Nauman, mother of four, says, “We make a fun breakfast of pancakes with ice cream and M&Ms. The kids talk about it every year, so I won’t forget! It’s so fun to make family traditions that they will remember.” Ingrid Brown, mother of two, has a great idea for including extended family and friends in the fun: “We do a back-to-school bonfire the night before school starts. S’mores for the win!”

If food or shopping isn’t your jam, maybe having one final family outing on the last weekend of summer would be fun. Head to a miniature golf course like Howl in One Mini Golf, the Nelson-Atkins Art Course or Black Bob Park to have some fun together. If you’re looking for more of a thrill, head to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun to send the summer off right.

Books have always been a big part of my parenting journey, and I like to read seasonally to my kids. Sadly, mine insist on growing up, but I’m holding strong to keep reading to my youngest as he heads into fourth grade this year. Some back-to-school books I have enjoyed reading to them over the years include The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, A Case of Bad Stripes by David Shannon, You Are Special by Max Lucado, We Don’t Eat Our Classmates by Ryan T. Higgins, Stand Tall, Molly Lou Lemon by Patty Lovell and Princesses Don’t Wear Glasses by Tia Cherie Dammen. If you’re looking for some non-picture book read-alouds about school, we’ve enjoyed Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume and the Wayside School series by Louis Sachar.

Family traditions help children feel connected to your family and give them a sense of belonging. Traditions don’t have to be expensive or elaborate but give us something fun to look forward to as seasons change. Traditions can also change, so if you try one that doesn’t fit your family, don’t feel like you’re stuck doing it just because you want a tradition. Perhaps your family’s tradition is to try a new tradition each fall as the kids head back to school until something sticks. The memories of the failed “traditions” will be fun to look back on as a family as well. The main focus is to connect with your family as you head into a new season.

Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 13, Mason, 11, and Slade, 8.

Do I stay or do I go now?

By Kristina Light | June 24, 2024

After maternity leave is up, the decision to stay home or return to work can be a difficult one to make. Hopefully, you’ve had discussions throughout your pregnancy or even before, but when the parental leave ends, are you prepared to make that decision? Stereotypes and opinions abound, both supporting and dismissing either choice. So how do you decide and how do you embrace your choice? Here are a few things to consider.

Past and Future

Many decisions in our lives are affected by how we were raised, what was modeled to us and what we would like to mimic or shy away from in our own futures. If you were raised by a stay-at-home parent, perhaps you loved having your mom greet you when you got home from school to hear all about your day, or maybe you felt stifled and wondered what she did all day. If you were raised by parents who both worked outside the home, maybe you wished you could see them more often, or maybe you were proud of their work.

Your partner may have had a different experience growing up and different expectations now that vary from yours. Now you get to decide together what will be best for your own family and the future you plan together. This is a decision with many variables. Personally, I was always excited to become a mom, and I just assumed I would be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) until my hypothetical children went to school. I’m not exactly sure why because this wasn’t exactly modeled for me. Both of my grandmas were working mothers, and my own mom worked outside the home until my younger brother was born and she decided to run an in-home daycare. But having my mom home (but still working-can you imagine taking on more kids while adjusting to life with your own second baby?) was such a comforting part of my childhood, and that’s what I wanted for my future family.

Child Care Cost and Availability

One crucial variable is simply the cost and availability of child care. Depending on your jobs, your salaries may not cover, or barely be enough to afford, child care. If it’s a job you love and a career you’re committed to, it still may be worth it, but if it’s a job that doesn’t satisfy you, maybe this is an opportunity to provide your own child care while you figure out your next step. Consider the perspectives of some experienced moms:

Shannon Metcalf, mother of one, simply states, “Easy. No choice. Life is too expensive to not have both of us working.”

Lori Tate, mother of three, says, “For us, daycare for two kids was just as much as I was bringing home. I loved my job, so that was OK, but I felt like I was constantly doing both my job and parenting poorly and constantly running on empty. Staying home was an option, so we went that route.”

RaeLynn Kelso, mother of three, says, “I worked two to three days a week for a couple of years because I wanted to see my kids’ firsts.’ When I had my third baby, I stayed home full time because I could not find a babysitter. My town is seriously lacking babysitters.”

Location

Where you live in the world can also be a factor in whether cost and availability make child care doable or not. There may be more options in a suburban area versus a more rural location, but then again, there may be more competition for availability as well. Depending on which type of child care you’re looking for, you may find more in-home daycares in a smaller city, but if you’d rather have a daycare center, that may not be an option in your current town. Location can also affect your lifestyle and expectations on how to raise a family. Keeping up with the Joneses can mean that you both want to work outside the home to afford better vehicles or go on more elaborate vacations, or it could mean that you want to be able to raise your children alongside nearby families and form a community within your neighborhood.

Benefits

On top of the cost of child care, benefits like health insurance factor in as well. Raising a family and “adulting” are challenging, and benefits can make a world of difference. Laura Loeffert, mother of three, says, “I had to go back to teaching when my first was 5 months old. I accepted it because I had to work for insurance. After insurance and child care, I made next to nothing. Then there was the feeling of not being a good mom, wife, teacher, co-worker-all of it. In April of that year, my husband switched jobs, and I was able to become a SAHM that May. I do not regret a second of it. I think because going back was so incredibly hard it made it easier to know I was making the right decision for me and my family.”

Careers

Many people have had their sights set on amazing careers on top of raising a family, so staying at home is never really even a consideration. If you have worked your tail off to get where you are, have ambitions on getting even further ahead in your field, or have studied far too long to not become what you set out to be, then returning to the workforce after welcoming a baby into your family isn’t going to stop you. There are plenty of wonderful daycares, babysitters and nannies that would love to help you care for your children because that is something they are passionate about, so it’s a win-win.

Jenny Berry, mother of three, says, “I decided to go back to work part time because I truly love my job and worked really hard at it. And it was important for me to have some part of myself still, something that drove me. Now, as my kids are getting older, it is important for me to show them balance, work ethic, determination and how to chase your dreams. And even though I struggle with guilt, I know that working outside the home makes me a better mom.”

Berry’s last statement is all that matters in the end, isn’t it?

Identity and Self-Worth

A big factor in motherhood is your sense of identity. The stereotypes for both SAHMs and working moms are unhelpful but can still linger in the backs of our minds regardless of how strongly we feel about either decision we make. Are we missing out on raising our children if we return to work? Are we wasting our education and careers if we stay at home? In the end, I believe we need to decide what makes us feel most like ourselves and who we want to become and helps us be the best version of ourselves for our children and families. If we love working, we should love that we love working. If we would love the chance to stay home and be with our children 24/7, then we should enjoy doing so if we are able to.

Personally, identity and self-worth have always been the hardest aspects of my more than a decade of experience as a SAHM. I used to loathe being asked, “What do you do?” at my husband’s office parties or just in general. I didn’t feel like I was doing enough. That may just be my personality because I like to accomplish things, but our culture often leans into messaging that makes it painful to think that I may have just “wasted” these last few years by being home and allowing for a stark break in my resume.

It was also challenging to not have any external recognition for what I was contributing to our family. There are no raises or advancements because you’re doing a good job, and sometimes the mundaneness is daunting. But this is where I strongly believe hobbies, support groups and side hustles come in for SAHMs so that we have interests to discuss besides our beloved cherubs. Running and exercise, writing, reading, photography, home projects and my dog all helped me feel like more than “just a mom.”

Amy Ferrera, mother of four, has a similar experience: “Now having four kids, I stay home because it’s what I know as my normal, financially works better for us (the human services field I would work in wouldn’t cover our child care costs), and before COVID, my husband’s travel schedule was all over the place, and his schedule didn’t allow for flexibility-making it easier for me to stay home while he worked. I won’t lie, I always have a back-of-the-mind thought of Is this all I’m supposed to do? Did I go to college for nothing? Will my kids think I did anything?’ Sometimes I feel unaccomplished, jealous of my husband’s work recognition, or I find myself wanting a little slice of doing something for me outside of being a mom. But at the end of the day, for my family, I know being a stay-at-home mom has been a blessing for us even on the thankless days, and I wouldn’t change it if I could go back.”

Volunteering is another great way to feel fulfilled during your time as a SAHM. Volunteers are needed in many places and often invaluable for many organizations. Even small things like helping in your school-aged children’s classrooms is a great way to feel and be useful as well as find community with the staff at the school.

Work/Life Balance

We all know there are two sides to each coin and that the grass isn’t really always greener on the other side. There were many days I longed for office friendships, work lunches, grabbing a coffee and drinking it while hot, getting dressed up and completing projects and maybe even traveling for work. But then there were days I was thankful to be able to get a run in on a beautiful day with my kids, take them on field trips and watch them experience things for the first time. It seems like you can’t have your cake and eat it too, doesn’t it?

But I think we often end up where we are supposed to be, and we are all teaching our children what it means to be a woman and to have choices. It also takes a lot of teamwork and coordination to make a family work well. While I was home, my husband was able to further his education and move on to greater opportunities in his career because I was in charge of our home and children. He has maybe taken one day off work because I was too sick to care for the kids, but he’s never had to take a day off because one of the kids was sick. I have always been there. He also doesn’t have to worry about housework or meals after work because I take care of that, and then we have more family time during nights and weekends.

“We made the decision before getting pregnant. We planned for me to stay home, bought our house knowing we would pay for it with only one income (saved my salary while I was working to prepare), and that was hugely helpful,” says Heidi Murray mother of four.

Similarly, my husband and I got married when I was 21 years old and had our first baby when I was 24. We were babies ourselves, but we were up-front on how we wanted to raise our future family. I think because we had grown up together and started our lives together early on and had already been living off one income (saving mine for a down payment for a house), that made the decision easier for me to stay home with our first baby. Then we moved out of state, and my husband traveled often, so it made me feel better knowing I was the stability of home and family for our kids while he was away. I was also able to care for them without having to juggle daycare, work and inevitable sick days on my own.

I know we have been so fortunate to experience this lifestyle, and not everyone has this opportunity. But I also know people have different lifestyles and values and spend money on different things that matter to them. I also know that the baby stage is not everyone’s favorite part of parenthood, as it was for me. If babies, toddlers and preschoolers aren’t your jam, being with them constantly may not be the best fit for you. There are daycares and teachers that actually do love being with children those ages!

Fast forward to today, and my children are all older. I have done photography on the side, written articles and, for the past three years, have been a substitute teacher. It’s helpful to have my own things on top of being a mom, even if I am extremely grateful to have been able to accomplish my dream of being a SAHM. Our family also just runs better having me be the primary parent due to my husband’s extensive work travel. Even with all three of my kids in school, I’m responsible for drop-offs, pickups, doctor/dentist/orthodontist appointments, all the extracurricular practices and lessons, and sick days because my husband is often unable to help with these parenting tasks. It’s definitely a different kind of hard when I work a few days in a row and feel like I’m running around with my head cut off, but I think it’s also important for our kids to see that when Mom is busy working outside the home, they have to help pitch in more at home to make our family run efficiently.

Each family’s dynamic and activity levels are different too. Some families enjoy doing their own daily thing at work and school and have the rest of the evening and weekends for relaxing and catching up on household chores. Because our family enjoys being involved in various activities, running from sunrise to sunset (or later) many days, having a few hours built into my day at home to get the housework done and meals prepared benefits our family. For example, this Saturday, we have five games among our three kids! We enjoy all the games, but that takes away the weekends for picking up groceries and getting laundry done. Also, next year, I will have three separate schools for which to figure out drop-off and pickup logistics. Parenting in general is just a busy time of life!

“As I’ve met many moms throughout the last nine years of being a mom, I’ve realized that no one situation is the same. I’ve looked up to and admired so many perspectives of motherhood through the lenses of working moms, stay-at-home moms and work-from-home moms. Not one job is harder-being a mom is hard, period,” says Ferrera.

In the end, think of what will work best for your family, know that things can change and, as with all things in parenthood, trust your gut and enjoy!

Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 14, Mason, 12, and Slade, 9, and has happily been a SAHM since bringing her first baby home. Nowadays, she’s primarily a content SAHM but adds in substitute teaching, photography and writing-between her Mommy Uber trips for her active kids-to help pay for all her kids’ activities.

How to Stay Connected to Tweens and Teens

By Kristina Light | June 24, 2024

As our children grow older, it’s natural for them to start pulling away from their parents to spend more time on their own or with their peers. After all, they are starting their prep to leave the nest with some test flights. However, this doesn’t mean that we should allow our relationship with them to become disconnected. This is a time where they are testing the waters and learning how to ride solo-but with your hand still psychologically behind them. This is a phase of parenting where we must learn how to stay connected while they’re learning to break free, even if their rolled eyes and grunts would have us believe differently.

Everyone shows and receives love differently-including our kids. If you don’t know what means the most to your children, ask them or have them take a quick quiz on 5LoveLanguages.com to find out. Then take some time to take note of things that would show them that you care. There’s even a whole book you can read for extra credit called The Five Love Languages for Kids by Gary Chapman. I’d even recommend asking them to fill out a favorite things sheet. You can keep it on the fridge, and they can edit as they think of new things. Putting in the effort up front may make them scoff at you, but it will make staying connected with them easier.

In a nutshell, the five love languages include quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service and words of affirmation. Let’s begin with quality time. Now, I’m not sure about your tweens and teens, but mine tend to be fairly busy with school, homework, after-school activities and work. Sometimes you see your teens for a few minutes before school, during dinner or when they come home to crash for the night. Our current weekly schedule leaves a couple free days, so we can have more family time then, but otherwise it’s talking as we head to and from everything else. We’re also entering the stage where they are getting home from practice or babysitting later when we parents are ready to go to bed. But we need to be available when they are to be able to catch up and connect. Having a snack ready on those nights and already having our bedtime routine completed are helpful ways to cultivate a chat for a few moments before they head to bed.

Another option for quality time is to invite or even “make” them run errands with you. They may buck at the thought, but maybe you offer a little treat from Betty Rae’s Ice Cream along the way and you just may have some one-on-one time with them on your hands. Karen Hepp, mother of three, says, “I hang out in my kids’ rooms a lot and chat about random things. We prioritize family meals. Sometimes they’re at unconventional times, but we do everything we can to eat together every night and big breakfasts on weekends. Also attending church together consistently on Sundays. I regretted not doing this with my older kids.”

Another way to show your tween some love is through physical touch. I remember sitting on my dad’s lap all through high school just to be silly, but it was definitely a way to connect with him. High fives after practice or games or when kids show you a good grade, hugs before dinner or driving them to their next location, rubbing their backs or playing with their hair, tickle fights, wrestling matches, learning a secret handshake or TikTok dance are all ways to keep showing them love if they think they’re too big for mama’s kisses and snuggles.

Acts of service are another way to show you care. Now it depends on your family dynamic, but my kids love when I clean their room or make their beds for them unexpectedly. Helping them with their assigned chores, helping with homework or making their lunch for them can be a lovely surprise for them-especially if they’re feeling overwhelmed with their course load at the moment. Next is gifts, which I think during this self-centered phase of life most tweens and teens can get excited about. Surprising them with little treats when you pick up groceries at Hy-Vee, sneaking something into their backpacks or picking up their favorite drink from Black Dog Coffeehouse are all surefire ways to tempt smiles from them instead of sullen scowls. This also makes me think of the tip to “baby” them a little bit even if they think they’re too old. Leaving childhood can be a scary transition, so letting them know they’re still your baby can be comforting. We like to scoop them up and say, “Remember when he/she was just a tiny baby?” It’s a cute moment of connection. Looking at a quick photo album on your phone is another way to “remember when” together.

Finally, let’s not forget to show love through our words, either spoken or written. Keep talking to your teens. Keep asking how they are and really listen to their responses. Keep writing them silly notes in their lunchboxes or planners. Keep telling them that you’re proud of them. Bring back the sweet advice I received from Kristina Light, KC Parent‘s digital media manager, at a MOPs meeting years ago where you tell your kids five things you love about them. They could groan at such a babyish thing, or they could really need to hear reasons you love them because teenage life is a lot sometimes. I just did this via text to my daughter. Did my text get just a “love” reaction? Yes, but I know it filled her up. There are also journals you can pass back and forth to keep the conversation going even if your schedules don’t line up that well.

Another tip to stay connected as a family is to prioritize and plan a family night like Kim Rauscher, mother of three, recommends. “We do family fun night every week! We play games or watch movies together. It’s my favorite time of the week, gets everyone off screens, and we talk and laugh. It’s great!” Our family has TV shows we only watch as a family. We enjoyed watching The Goldbergs, which felt like our family set in the 1980s and was funny and heartfelt. Recently, we began watching Modern Family, and it’s a little more mature but has brought up some discussion topics as we watch together. It’s given us some family inside jokes too. Teens have shows, music, books and interests that are different than yours, but this is a great time to make their interests your interests. Be curious about what they’re into and ask why they enjoy it. You can even see whether you have an overlapping interest you can enjoy together.

Family trips are also a great way to recharge as a family and don’t have to be a big, expensive excursion. A weekend getaway or even a staycation are great ways to prioritize family time. Head to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun for the day. Be tourists in your own city. Check out something you have meant to visit but just haven’t yet such as the Museum at Prairiefire or go back to one of your favorites you used to love when they were younger, like Deanna Rose Children’s Farmstead or Fritz’s for burgers and fries. Bottle feeding baby goats and a train’s delivering your food should put a smile on even the biggest kid’s face. Travel host Samantha Brown recently said in a Washington Post article, “Memories of travel for a child are stronger than other important days in their lives, such as their own birthdays or graduations. Fifteen years ago, a child psychologist said something to me that made an incredible impact: When you travel with your kids (or grandkids), it allows your children to see YOU act like a kid-and what that does for their sense of love and security is immeasurable.'”

Another way to stay connected with not only your own teens but their friends too is to be the house they want to hang out at. This means keeping lots of snacks and drinks on hand, having a space they can feel comfortable in and being a safe place for them to relax. Giving experiences as gifts is a great way to pencil in time together too such as amusement park passes or concert tickets.

The five love languages include:

Quality time

Physical touch

Gifts

Acts of service

Words of affirmation

5LoveLanguages.com

Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 13, Mason, 12, and Slade, 9, and is starting to focus her attention on these tips as her kids enter into a new stage.

Benefits of Pets During Childhood

By Kristina Light | April 26, 2024

Having pets during childhood seems to be a rite of passage and most children’s dream. Writing this article takes me back to my own childhood and how I tried to convince my parents of the reasons we needed to get a puppy or a kitten (or a baby sister). So this one is for all you readers out there trying to convince someone to let you get a pet. There are many benefits of having pets during childhood, and we’ll take a look at some of them.

A pet can be a great companion and friend to children, especially kids on the shy side or who have experienced a move or other life change. A pet is there to listen without judging or laughing at them. A pet is just happy to see them each day. The welcoming affection from a pet can be a powerful mood booster for children and adults alike. When children do have human friends, pets give them a sense of pride – something special to show off to their friends.

“Pets are good protectors. We always know when someone comes near the house, and I like when my dog is in the backyard with my girls when I’m not out there,” Heather Weber, mother of three, says. “They also bring joy! Our dog is super snuggly with the kids. And the vacuum benefit! They really do help with crumbs and food on the floor.” Personally, I appreciate my dog’s company when my husband travels for work and when I’m out on the trails.

Depending on the type of animal you choose for a family pet, it can provide a great reason to get outside and get some exercise. Movement and sunlight improve your mood, and stepping away from a screen – at all ages – can be a good thing. I sought out a dog that would need daily exercise to make sure I didn’t have an excuse to not go for a walk or run. Exercising your pet can be a family activity or, as your kids get older, an independent activity and responsibility. When your kids and pets wear each other out, that equals a big win for you! When I was growing up, I had rabbits and would take them out in the yard on harnesses with leashes, so this is not limited just to dogs. My kids have also had hermit crabs over the years that they’d build obstacle courses for with blocks and take them outside to explore.

Pets are also a valuable way to learn practical values such as responsibility, ownership and time and money management.

“My first thought on pets is the responsibility Dolly is teaching our kids. It’s their job to feed her and give her water. I also encourage them to let her outside when she needs it. Most of the time I have to remind them, but they are getting better about doing it on their own,” comments Sara Clark, mother of two. Sarah Taylor, mother of three, says, “Our kids have learned over the last few years all the tasks needed to care for our animals so lots of responsibility training. Also, because we have chickens, they’ve learned an entrepreneurial mindset, budgeting income and expenses and researching breeds with desired traits.”

Having a pet in the family also helps kids build their emotional intelligence, cultivating important feelings such as empathy, gentleness, kindness and selflessness. “A huge thing for me is learning how to and how not to treat and touch animals,” says Abbey Fish, mother of five. Kelly Smoak, mother of two, agrees and adds, “My kids understand how to be gentle with animals (and people) from around 12-18 months old because of our very patient dog.” It is also important to understand that even the best animals can react when poked, prodded or jumped on and to monitor kids and pets when together. That disclaimer being made, I used to joke that I trusted my golden retriever more than my toddler with our new baby. He loved lying down with them during tummy time.

Sadly, pets are also a potent way to introduce and explain death as Taylor says, “We’ve lost animals, so we’ve had to navigate that journey together too and learned healthy strategies to handle the loss.” Pets have a wide range of life spans, but none will live forever. We lost our first golden retriever a couple of years ago, and it was just me and my kids home at the time, so they had to help me with some logistics, but it was a powerful family moment. We watched All Dogs Go to Heaven together while loving on him until the end.

Having a family pet has also been shown to decrease stress simply because pets give you someone to talk to and touch. Also, according to AmericanAcademyOfPediatricsPublications.org, “Children exposed to pets during the first year of life had a lower frequency of allergic rhinitis and asthma when they reached school age compared to children who had no pets, according to a Swedish study.” Many schools and libraries have therapy dogs to help kids with their social and reading skills. My daughter had a rougher transition to her new school after our last move, so I was grateful that the school office had a therapy dog that she was able to visit and pet during the day to calm and comfort her.

According to SitStayRead.org, “In addition to giving students a fun, positive association with reading and writing, dogs also provide numerous physical and mental health benefits. Studies have shown that interacting with a dog helps to lower blood pressure and cortisol levels. This helps students feel more comfortable, less stressed and better able to focus on their work.” Along with that, LibraryDogs.com states, “It’s not just the youngest readers who benefit from a gentle therapy dog. Many college campuses welcome therapy dogs to help students shed the stress’ of final exams. Indiana University students can book time in Rent-a-Puppy’ day with puppies from a local animal shelter. Harvard Medical School and Yale Law School both have resident therapy dogs in their libraries.” Personally, I remember the animal shelter bringing dogs onto our campus during finals week, and it was definitely a highlight for me.

Many couples today start with a pet as their first “baby” because owning a pet seems like a good way to test the waters of responsibility before diving into the chaos of raising children. Understanding the realities of pet ownership besides the basics of feeding, clean water and exercise is important. For instance, there are always vet bills and, when traveling, boarding or dog-sitting fees. We have a separate line item in our budget allocated just for our dog for these reasons. Our first dog was prone to ear infections and ended up having one when all three of my kids had them too. It’s definitely one more thing to worry about on top of mothering small humans. But when my dog is out of the house, I miss him and it doesn’t feel like home. If you’re not ready to commit, simply seek out a reading-to-dogs program or visit or volunteer at your local animal shelter to reap the rewards of being around animals. Older children can also offer to walk neighbors’ dogs or help care for them when they are out of town. Or you can always get a fish.

Movies About Pets:

Homeward Bound

Beethoven

Hotel for Dogs

Air Bud

My Dog Skip

Marley and Me

Books About Pets:

How Do Dinosaurs Choose Their Pets?, How Do Dinosaurs Love Their Dogs? and How Do Dinosaurs Love Their Cats? by Jane Yolen and Just Me and My Puppy by Mercer Mayer for the younger crowd. For older readers, The Puppy Place Series by Ellen Miles, Hotel for Dogs by Lois Duncan, The Shiloh Series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylo and Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls.

Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 14, Mason, 12, and Slade, 9, as well as dog mom of her second golden retriever, Sven.

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