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Moms are constantly challenged and bombarded with things to do, places to be, committees to help with, meetings to attend, roles to take on. As if being a mother isn’t enough, all these “extra” tasks and commitments get added to the list. Then add in the fact that many of us typically struggle with saying “no” and you have yourself a problem. So just how do we moms choose and prioritize which “hats” are our most important ones?
In order to figure out how to manage your various roles or hats, you need to take a look at your priorities. It may sound silly, but make a list of all the hats you wear, down to the very smallest. Be honest with yourself and number them in order of priority. Don’t worry about what others will think or what you think you should put. Once you have finished, take a good look at what you have in front of you. What is it telling you? Are your priorities where you want them? If not, what needs to change? Where do you need to give more? Less?
Once you’ve been honest with yourself about what changes need to occur, it’s time for action. Choose a date for the changes and make them happen! Set boundaries for yourself and your family that are realistic. Know your limits, set them and stick to them! You’ll be better off for it—and so will your family and friends.
Michelle, an Overland Park mom of two, shares honestly what didn’t work for her family and how she made changes. “I have certainly made the mistake of overcommitting one too many times. When my boys were younger, I said yes to everything! I also made the mistake of feeling like I needed to sign my boys up for everything...I felt pressure to keep them involved because everyone was doing it or I feared they would fall behind other kids (particularly in sports),” she says. “I quickly learned what a mistake overcommitting was for my family. No one was happy, so I had to eliminate things and prioritize to keep my family healthy and balanced. I don’t have to commit to a large task to be involved in my children's lives. Instead of being the team manager, I’ve offered to help with a social event or community service project. While I am doing less than I used to, I feel very involved in my kids’ lives and am happier overall. I strive to do my best with what I have committed to do, so for me, this means volunteering less but getting more out of what I am doing.”
Be sure to include yourself on your list of priorities. Oftentimes, we moms overlook ourselves because we’re so busy with everyone else. If you don’t take care of yourself, it’s difficult to take care of anyone else! Tammy, mother of four, agrees. “I try to remember to make time for wearing my most important hat, the one that lets me be myself,” she says.
What is Tina’s advice as a Lenexa mom of three? “As moms we are going to be asked to get involved in our children's classrooms and teams. Choose areas you like and things you are good at to work or volunteer for. Have fun with these ‘hats’ and enjoy the time with your kiddos and their friends! Don't be afraid to say no sometimes either, because we can't be all things to all people. And don't compare yourself to other moms!” As author Harvey Mackay puts it, “No one ever went broke by saying no too often.”
Life is short, and the hats you choose should be ones you look forward to, fill you with joy and lift you up, not do the opposite. Kelly, an Olathe mom of two, drives this point home by saying, “Moms take on many roles these days, and we all just need to make time for the important things in life.”
Julie Collett writes from Overland Park, where her three children have her constantly changing hats throughout the day!