With two social butterflies at our house, we’ve had plenty of sleepovers. Maybe they find my company boring, but my girls love to spend the night away, as well as have their friends over. They stay up late eating popcorn, painting fingernails and watching movies.
But I have also made phone calls to a mom late at night and have dried tears when a dad was missed at bedtime. So at what age is it appropriate to begin sleepovers?
“I don’t think there is a set age that magically indicates it is okay for children to begin having sleepovers,” Linda Burnett, Liberty High School child development teacher, says. “There are many variables that have to be considered.”
Looking at these variables is important for parents considering sending their child on a sleepover.
- Has your child been on successful play dates without you? This is the first step. A clingy child during a play date is not going to last all night at another house.
- Is your child independent? He/she will need to be able to get dressed, brush teeth, and eat without help from you.
- Is your child comfortable in varied situations? Shyness is not the real issue here, rather just being able to handle himself/herself well in different situations.
- Is your child mature enough to handle sharing and problem solving? Maybe your daughter doesn’t get the snack first; how does she react? Or maybe your son doesn’t want to play Power Rangers; can he handle having to play something else with a friend?
- Is your child adventurous? Ready to do something challenging? Some kids are born ready for challenges and have no trouble adjusting.
An important step in easing the sleepover process is to have the child spend the night with grandparents, aunts or uncles or close family members first. “I think having them stay with family overnight if possible is a great way to test the water; gets them acclimated to staying away from home first with someone she/he trusts,” Amy Mulkey, Kearney mother of two, says. Grandparents are a great starting place.
The critical question is whether you know the family. “I have to know and trust the family that is having the sleepover,” Jennifer Duncan, Kearney mother of three, says. Don’t feel bad about being strict on this point; your child’s safety is most important, and being acquainted with the family is essential.
Determining when a child is ready to spend the night is only one side of the coin. Duncan says the question for her became “more like am I ready for my child to have a sleepover?” than whether her daughter was ready. Following the above steps should ease a parent’s nervousness.
As Burnett says, there is no magic age for knowing when your child is ready. Some children are ready by age 4 or 5, while others take longer and it might be age 8 or 9 before they feel comfortable. Don’t rush the decision; your child will let you know when her or she is ready!
Checklist for a successful sleepover:
- TLC—To keep the tears at bay, sometimes a hug, a glass of milk or a bedtime tuck-in is necessary. Younger ones especially need to feel some TLC from the mom.
- Food—Snacks galore are necessary to keep tummies full. Popcorn is a winner anytime, as are popsicles in the summer and hot chocolate in the winter. Don’t forget cinnamon rolls for breakfast!
- Movies—Make sure their favorite movies are on hand for late night viewing. “High School Musical” is a popular choice for my girls, while “Up” is another good pick.
- Crafts—I try to keep an easy craft project on hand to help keep kids busy. In the summer we decorated flip flops, and in the winter we made cheap ornaments.
- Stuffed animal—Don’t forget that special stuffed polar bear or puppy to snuggle with at bedtime.
- Phone number—Always make sure phone numbers are exchanged in case a child needs to be picked up early.
Jennifer Higgins is a mom, teacher and freelance writer from Kearney.