Days with my children are lively, busy and full, and when my husband travels, it is an adjustment for all of us! With each trip, I try to uncover new ways to make this time with my kids memorable rather than just survivable. I strive to make it fun, and I have learned to simplify, get organized, protect family time and reach out for support. May these tips lighten and brighten your load the next time you are parenting solo; and to single parents everywhere, I have sincere respect for you and the responsibility you carry every day as you love and raise your kids.
Make it fun
Finding ways to sprinkle some extra fun into times when my husband is away can make these times happier for all of us! The idea is to create special memories that connect us to each other and to their dad across the miles.
Our current favorite is Love You Loops, which we learned about from Daniel Tiger. The traveling parent writes notes on paper strips for each day away. You then tape or glue the paper strips together into loops and make them into a chain. My kids love waking up in the morning to unfold a new Love You Loop. The messages inside often have a daily question or prompt (e.g., What did you do at school?; Show your best trick; Do a silly dance) that we use to make a video for their dad or that they can discuss with him over video chat. The loops are a great visual for how many days remain until a parent comes home.
Small surprises add another element of fun. I buy and hide away discount items ahead of time to bring out as I need them. This could be a new book to read at breakfast; sticker sheets, magnetic letters or dry erase workbooks for a rainy day; a new toothbrush, character washcloths or bath crayons to add color to the bedtime routine.
Special activities spice up the day-to-day. We enjoy changing up mealtimes by eating outdoors. Add a fun dessert, too! I load up on library books. A few creative outlets we enjoy are baking for neighbors, mailing artwork to family or making our own Play Doh. I allow myself some extras, too, like a fancy coffee or a sweet snack. It is OK to treat yourself!
Simplify
Dishes, dinner and housework are a few ways I simplify. I use paper plates with fun characters or designs. This makes for quicker cleanup at night. I designate a few simple, fan-favorite meals to prepare and keep those ingredients on hand. I set aside nights for takeout and frozen pizza. Picnics are also a good option, with easy foods and little cleanup. To lighten the mental load, I try to keep a consistent meal schedule for each solo period (e.g., Pasta Monday, Takeout Tuesday, Taco Wednesday, etc). If I feel brave enough to go into a restaurant, we go somewhere kid-friendly, like Chick-fil-A or a McDonald’s with a play place. I use the restaurant app to order and have the food delivered to the table. This avoids lines, and my kids can play while our meal is being prepared. At home, I reduce chores to do only the necessary or what brings me peace.
Get organized
When I am parenting solo, having a plan is key. Before my husband travels, I outline a daily plan for an activity or two, any regular errands and a dinner menu. Every morning, I have two outfits for each child. I keep them rolled in backpacks for choice and easy access. During the week, I schedule a grocery pickup order on the way to or from another activity to minimize our time in and out of the car. I prep bedtime necessities (e.g., vitamins, medicine, small snack) before dinner. We also clean up bedrooms and toys in the late afternoon so that rooms are clean at bedtime.
Setting sun
No matter how good of a day we have, the setting sun dims my mood as feelings of loneliness and anxiety creep in. I get ahead of these feelings by setting up a phone date with a friend on that first night or having a neighbor stop by. In warm weather, the kids and I may enjoy dinner at a park. In cold weather, we bundle up with hot chocolate for a walk or drive around the neighborhood, especially to enjoy holiday lights.
Protect family time
When my family is in a busy season with work or other travel, we set boundaries for our time together. We protect weekends to spend with each other and our kids. We may plan a family staycation to look forward to. This helps with connection so that when it’s time to travel again, we have shared quality time in the days between trips.
Support
I cherish support from friends and family. What I need tends to ebb and flow with the seasons and the length of time I’m solo parenting. I often call or text a friend. I may ask a neighbor to come over so I can exercise. I may hire a babysitter so I can enjoy a couple hours away to read or scrapbook. Or better yet, I love to invite a family member to come stay for a few days. This provides extra fun for my kids, allows me a few minutes to myself and gives me the emotional support of adult conversation.
Last but not least, and let this not go understated, moms (you too, dads) … it is OK to cry! Tears release the stress you carry and do not make you a less-than parent. You do not need to “have it all together.” We are each equipped with different strengths, backgrounds and thresholds with our children. Parenting can be both burdensome and beautiful at the same time. Lean on your support system, give yourself grace and count those Love You Loops!
This anonymous KC mom used to dread solo parenting but has learned to embrace it.