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Bringing Joy to the Holidays

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Do you remember the days when the thought of Christmas filled you with such an excited expectation that you could barely sleep? Now that I’m responsible for making those memories for my children, I’ve found the holidays have more stress, pressure and cost than I’d ever imagined. Still, my heart is to enjoy the holidays with my family. The question is how to do that.

Bringing joy back to your holidays takes a little self-examination to determine what takes joy from your holidays. Everyone is different, but the main points of stress in most people’s lives seem to be busyness, finances and family. 

Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize

To begin to declutter your schedule, make a list of what is most important for you to accomplish this season. What do you want to do? What matters most to you?  What are your traditions? 

Pull out your calendar and mark down the nonnegotiables like work parties, children’s events and family obligations. 

Next, take a look at the things you need to do and schedule them.  Baking, cleaning, shopping. Make it fun.  Involve your kids in the baking. Get the entire family to spend three hours on a Saturday morning to get the house clean then go out and have a snowball fight. Set aside one day with your spouse to get your shopping done. 

If you are able to take the “musts” of the season and turn them into a family activity, you’ll feel the pressure on you ease a bit.  Baking and cleaning time is cut in half.  Stress is released knowing you aren’t the only one doing things. You’ll have more time to spend doing the fun stuff you actually want to do with your family.  Plus, by involving your kids, you are actually teaching them a life skill.  As long as you release expectations of perfection from a 5-year-old decorating a cookie or a 7-year old cleaning a toilet, you are going to come out ahead.  And your kids might really enjoy the quality time spent with you.

Now, it’s time for your want-to list. Schedule in your personal traditions, but don’t overpack your schedule. Tamara Russell, a teacher, says, “Remember, more is less.  Avoid the temptation to overplan for the holidays.” And take energy level into account, especially if you have young children. For example, if you’re going ice skating one night that week, plan on a low-key event the next, like building a gingerbread house or snuggling down with hot chocolate and a Christmas movie.

Finally, it’s okay to say no. You don’t have to do everything. Giving yourself a little extra margin to rest, relax or be spontaneous will go a long way in staying healthy and happy during a high pressure season.

Don’t Finance the Holidays

To ease stress, our priorities need to go beyond our time and into our finances. Putting Christmas on a credit card, even if it’s to provide the perfect gift or experience, is never a good idea. Kansas City’s Roy Browning spent his career in the finance and mortgage industry and now spends his time helping others with their personal finances. “You can’t do everything, so what’s the most important to you?  Is it more important for you to have a beautifully decorated home with all the decorations or to create family memories?” he says. “Take a look at what would be the most important thing.”

To keep a lid on your spending, you have to determine how much you can afford to spend.  Christmas is expensive. Between gifts, food and extra activities, blowing a budget is easy.  Having a plan can ease your personal and relational stress, but it’s important to work together.  “The first thing is a conversation between the husband and wife, out of sight of the children. Talk about what you can afford to spend and agree. It’s really important to be together on this,” Browning says. “Sometimes because of financial limitations and the budget being tight, you might determine that we can’t spend as much on each other because we want to spend more on the kids.”

Family or Foe?

While spending time with our family is supposed to increase our joy, often it just increases our stress. Counselor Connie Bennett states in Psychology Today that the holidays can bring an emotional overload. “You may feel overcome by loneliness, become annoyed by meddling relatives or lose patience with your loved ones.”

During those times, take a deep breath and give your family the benefit of the doubt. Everyone is going through a hectic season, and sometimes things can come across differently than what they’re intended. Try to look past the behaviors that can cause hurt or irritate to the motive behind them.  Usually, it’s genuine love and concern for you.  Bennet recommends looking at your family through rose-colored glasses. “Then graciously thank them for their misguided attention. Rather than view your situation with annoyance, be grateful instead.”

Perhaps the most important adjustment we can make during this season is to let go of our expectations.  Make plans but hold them loosely.  Life happens to all of us, and you may just find your greatest source of joy in the unexpected moments instead of those you’ve planned.  

Creative Gift Giving:

Looking for a way to stretch your dollars?  Creative gift-giving could be the answer.  Consider these ideas this Christmas:

Christian Barnes lives in Kansas City with her husband and two nearly grown sons. She's fascinated by how children think and learn and enjoys sharing any information she's gathered with others.

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