A New Mom's Guide to Finding Mom Friends
How could it be that one of the happiest times of my life was also one of the loneliest? As I spent day after day with my brand new baby, it became evident that the biggest part of my life was something I didn’t share in common with my pre-mommyhood friends. I was a stay-at-home mom anticipating milestones like crawling and eating solid foods, while my friends were pursuing professional milestones that didn’t include rice cereal or potty chairs. They were all congratulatory and happy for the birth of my baby girl, but they couldn’t relate. And I didn’t want to bore them with tales of sleepless nights and the latest bargain on cute baby clothes at Target. As the only “new mom” in my circle, where was I to find other mom friends?
As we cross from one stage of life to another, sources for friends change, and the dynamics change as well. As girls, we bond over a sticker album or shared extracurricular activities. In college, favorite authors, clubs and pop culture are the stuff of new friendships. But suddenly parenthood poses another key ingredient to the equation: values. All at once your values, a.k.a “parenting style,” are your friendship resume. Can a Happy Meal Mom and an All-Organic Vegetarian Mom really become BFFs? Can Love and Logic mix with 1-2-3 Magic? Soccer Moms and Ballet Moms? Super Scheduled Moms and Casual Freestyle Mothers? Trendy and Stylish former models with Garage Sale Queens?
As if all of those factors aren’t enough, motherhood friendships pose an additional complication. Unlike childhood pals who deal with a one-to-one equation, suddenly two or more people must be friends with two or more people. Jennifer has five boys; you have one girl. Your child is shy and timid; your neighbor’s little one is rambunctious and active. Motherhood friendships aren’t just two ladies chatting over coffee, they are family friends. Finding those kindred spirits isn’t easy.
If you’re wondering where your mommy BFF is, try one of these possibilities. Hint: Start with the idea that appeals to you most. It’s probably the one your next BFF will choose also!
- Participate in activities. One of the best things about living in a city is the long list of terrific outings for the preschool set!
- Join a moms group. Moms groups like Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS.org), Mothers and More (MothersAndMore.org) and others are a great source of friends. Groups feature structured meetings with guest speakers, offering great conversation topics for new moms and taking the pressure off newbies by creating ice breakers.
- Go where kids go. Visit the local park (search “Best Parks” on KCParent.com). Check out the kids section at the library or bookstore (and they all offer great weekly story times for infants through older kids). Visit indoor play places at local community centers, at the mall or kid-friendly restaurants in your area. Visit KCParent.com and click on “Going Places” to find great places to visit near you.
- Meet other moms through the people you know. Do you have a few mom friends but you’d like to make more? Host a Moms Night Out and ask everyone to “bring a friend.” Has your husband been talking about a friend at work with children the same age as yours? Invite their family over for a play date and see what happens.
Whatever you do, don’t give up. My oldest daughter and I attended story time for months before we met good friends. I joined MOPS and spent several weeks getting to know other moms before discovering some of my closest friends. Finding and making mom friends takes time, but it’s worth it. Moms need the support of a good friend on this journey, and friends are just waiting to be found.
Kristina Light misses her MOPS days and still loves her MOPS pals post-preschool mommyhood!