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Happiness is Just a Baby Step Away

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Before my son was born, I read every baby book I could get my hands on. I scanned the internet for advice on breastfeeding and schedule setting and took seminars on how to raise a happy child. I would joke with my husband about parenting being a piece of cake. I mean, how hard could it really be? We were both college graduates in our late twenties. Yet, as I developed my library of baby knowledge, I managed to overlook a very important aspect of the equation…..me. Not once did I research postpartum depression or how to cope with anxiety, loneliness, fatigue or how to function with lack of sleep.

 

The month I brought my son home from the hospital seemed to be a blur of anxiety attacks and tears. I obsessed about my milk supply, had numerous meltdowns over the temperature of our son’s room, snapped and nagged at my husband for not sanitizing his bottles long enough and freaked out when someone didn’t wash their hands. I felt like a crazed lunatic trying to create this perfect environment of cleanliness and comfort for my son. This was supposed to be a joyous time, so why was it so difficult for me to take the time to be happy instead of making sure the diaper bag was packed with perfection? Having children is rated one of the most rewarding and beneficial aspects in life, so how come I didn’t feel that happiness? Finally, the many reassuring and supportive conversations from my mother and husband began to sink in. “Are you feeding him?” Yes. “Are you changing him?” Yes. “Do you hold him and cuddle him?” Yes. “Is he wearing clean clothes?” Sometimes. “Alright, you’ve got the basics covered, everything else can wait.” I began to lighten up over time and eventually was able to laugh with my little one as the bottles piled up in the sink.

 

“As the flight attendant tells us on an airplane, place your oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting an elderly person or child. Care for mom is necessary first before she is healthily equipped to focus on being the best mom possible,” says Sarah Dettmer, M.S.Ed., M.S., LPC, psychotherapist, who is an individual, couple and family counselor in Kansas City, MO.

 

Value You

Find value in everything that you do. You might feel as if your day is a constant cycle of diaper changes, bottle feedings and tummy times, but remember you are caring for your precious, helpless baby who needs you and that is the most important job in the world. “I felt so lonely and unappreciated at home all the time caring for my daughter when she was born,” Annalisa Zimmerman, Lee’s Summit, MO, says. “I kept thinking that there had to be more to life than dirty diapers and bottles, but then I realized that what I was doing, no one else could do but me.” There is no greater or more rewarding job than being a mommy.

 

Fess Up

When you admit you are stressed or having anxiety, it relieves the pressure of perfection. As a new mom, you may have an expectation to feel warm and fuzzy all the time. But once you realize that it’s okay for you to feel angry, frustrated, tired or depressed , it takes away a lot of pressure.

 

Live In the Moment

Take time out of each day to slow down and breathe in your surroundings. “Every day is so full of the things that need to be done and the things that I want to get done that I forget to slow down and appreciate the messy P&J faces and the snuggles on the couch after naps,” says Michelle Edwards, mother of two in Kansas City, KS.

 

Take a deep breath.

While it might seem unfair that no instruction manual accompanied your bundle of joy, you will be able to survive if you stock up on the joyous moments and take each day as it comes.

 

Other Ways to Take Care of Mom

While these might seem to be simple acts of care, it is very important for Mom to care for herself first before she can care for others properly.

Jennifer Duxbury is a freelance writer in Belton Mo, who has learned to breath deeply and enjoy all the moments of motherhood!

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