Save Your Toddlers from Too Much Screen Time
Does your toddler pitch a fit when you take away screens? The research on toddlers and screen time can be a bit contradictory, but the fact remains that many toddlers today spend a lot of time on screens.
Screens are a norm in most households. Not only do we have a TV in the family room, we often have screens in almost every other room—and often even carry a mini screen around with us from room to room! Asking people how much screen time they have a day is a very loaded question. Asking parents how much screen time their toddler watches is downright volatile! There is no right answer that doesn’t get met with some sort of judgment from others. Maybe the answer for your toddler is 30 hours a week. You get the judgment, "Wow, that is at least four hours a day! Don't you play with your kid?" If your answer is no screens, then you become the parent with whom other parents don't want to be friends because, apparently, you and your child are perfect—and relating to you as a peer would be way too difficult!
No matter where you land on the screen time scale, recognize there is not a right answer to give. Luckily, that is not the primary issue here. We all know our children are going to watch a screen at some point. Instead of feeling guilty or assigning blame, let’s focus on how to introduce screens to toddlers and how to regulate the time they spend watching screens.
I won’t presume to tell you what to do in your own home; I can, however, tell you about my home. The biggest screen struggle we have had as a family is thinking about why we have screens on. I constantly think about whether we are using a screen as a quick babysitter so we can get dinner made or whether we are binge watching our favorite shows while we play with our son. Or are we hoping to provide some education from the screen time? We all are going to have different answers to these questions, and our answers are what will help us regulate screen times.
Once we figure out why we are using a screen, we can figure out whether we can cut back or make substitutions of what we are currently doing to make improvements. For example, almost every night my son gets very fussy while I’m making dinner. My quick go-to is to turn on this 18-minute Elmo mix of his favorite songs via YouTube on our TV in the family room. We dance to his three favorite songs together, and the others he watches by himself while I’m in the kitchen. Sometimes dinner takes longer to prep and he watches the video twice or even three times in a row. He loves Elmo, and we have fun dancing, but this quickly adds up to some major screen time!
An easy substitution would seem to be to play the music on my phone and leave it on the counter instead, so he isn’t watching the TV the whole time. I smugly tried this out one evening, and it was a nightmare! Instead of quietly watching the video, he screamed the whole time, wanting my phone. Since then, I have been turning on the radio and I moved a small play table into our already too small kitchen, so he can play while I cook. This approach seems better, but not perfect! I highly doubt we will figure out perfect, but it’s a start.
To get started on reducing seem time, first track how much screen time your kids get—and don’t beat yourself up for the number. It might be two hours a week. It might be 40 hours a week. It doesn’t matter at this point. What matters is you are thinking about it. Once you know the average time, make a plan to reduce it. Cut it back by 15 minutes a day or every other day until you get to where you want to be. Set a time for the screen to automatically turn off and then distract, distract, distract! Start on the weekend when your whole family is home and figure out some fun things to do instead of screen time. Get outside, go to the store, make a fort. You know what will help your kid best!
Lastly, include your children in the changes. Talk to your children about what you will be doing instead of watching a screen. Even if you think they won’t understand, give them the chance. Focus on the positive. For example, “We will be listening to Elmo and looking at your favorite books while I cook dinner tonight.” Easier said than done, of course, but that’s one of the great things about motherhood—you get to keep trying until you get to where you want to be. You get to set the bar and you are ultimately in control!
Janelle Cumro-Sultzer lives in Overland Park with her husband, son and two dogs. Janelle is a former health care executive director and is a mediator in Kansas, helping families in conflict. She loves to focus on learning through play and getting messy with crafts.