Take the Bite Out of Bad Behavior
Biters don’t make friends. As adults, we learned long ago that using our teeth for anything other than food is inappropriate. So how can such a simple concept be so difficult for toddlers to grasp? All parents know the—literal—pain of their child’s discovering her own teeth. We’ve all experienced the moment when our child first takes a chunk out of our hand or finger. That is the moment when the panic sets in. Will our child be “the biter” at school? How do we make sure she isn’t? We can’t get kicked out of daycare!
Relax and take a breath. To stop biting, it’s best to first understand the reason behind it. Only then can you look at things through your child’s eyes and develop the right action plan. Here are the top situations for biting and how to quell them—quickly.
- Language barriers and tooth growth – Before words are available for a baby, he looks for ways to show you he’s upset, angry, happy, and feeling all the feelings. As those chompers come in, they provide the perfect communication device. At the same time as teeth arrive, your baby will feel the need to chew and stimulate his gums. Put those two factors together, and you have the perfect biting storm.
What to do – For babies not yet speaking, make sure you have loads of things for them to chomp on when the need to chew arises. Teething rings, grippie sticks, squeaker chewy toys, snacks—you have your range to pick from. If your baby bites you in frustration or anger, immediately put the teether in her hands, say, “We don’t bite,” and drop the matter instantly. (Of course, keep the dog’s chew toys separate from the human ones.)
- Biting at school – Believe it or not, almost all parents will experience their children biting at one time or another. The single most important thing you can do is establish what happened immediately before the biting. Establish a motive, if you will. Was your baby protecting his food at lunchtime? Was your child feeling unsafe and defending himself? Was he being taunted or hurt by another child? Evaluate whether this was the first time or whether it’s become a recurring issue.
What to do at school –Take comfort in knowing that every daycare has a protocol for this situation and should inform you of the situation immediately. Have a clear conversation with your provider to be certain you understand what is being done to help prevent a recurrence. Do they issue a time out? If the biting is happening with a particular student, what do the teachers do to keep distance between your child and that student? Additionally, if there are steps you want taken outside of standard protocol, now is the time to communicate them.
- Biting at home – If biting is occurring at school, it’s almost guaranteed to happen at home. Be sure to mirror the consequences from school. If your child bites your spouse, lower your voice to a very serious tone and say flatly, “No. We do not bite. Biting hurts.” Immediately drop the attention on your biter and focus on who was bit. Say calmly, “Look at Daddy’s hand. It hurts now because you bit him. We do not bite.” After this, it’s important to move on quickly. Don’t give the incident more life than it needs. Shift your attention to a new game or a different activity.
In many cases, biters are looking for attention. If they bite and immediately get a mouthful of big words, waving hands and loud noises, they got exactly what they were looking for. So take a few seconds to gather yourself, say your magic sentence, and move on quickly.
- Extra sleep – It seems cliché, but biting can be a reflex response to a situation out of sheer overtiredness. If your child is starting to bite, consider bumping bedtime back 30 minutes. That extra time might be just the ticket to keep her from acting as aggressively.
Having a biter is stressful and challenging for parents. Just remember, this situation is extremely common, and many times kids will grow out of it in a matter of days or a few weeks. Give them some extra love and reinforce how hurtful biting can be. However, if the instances keep occurring, consider a visit to the dentist and/or speech therapist. Your child could have underlying verbal challenges or perhaps pain from a growing tooth.
Additional help for biters:
- Keep a log – Ask your daycare to provide written recollections of bites. Do the same at home. Look for patterns as to what might be causing these instances.
- Snacks – Keep healthy, chewy options at the ready. The more your child’s mouth is engaged with yummy things, the less he’ll want to chomp on someone else.
- Keep the volume down – Extra stimulation and high activity situations can bring out anxiety, which can lead to biting. Try to keep high sensory experiences to a minimum.
- Don’t bite back – Never, ever bite a child to “show him how much it hurts.” This will do much more harm than good.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and toddler son.
As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.