You're Special Because You're You!

The cashier turned the conveyer belt on and my items began to make their move towards her. All the while she looked down at my boys who were commencing in a silly dance right there in Aisle 7, laughing uproariously about, shall we say, bodily functions? (burping and tooting never get old when you’re 3 and 5 year old boys!)

I noticed she did a quick headcount of my oldest two and between scanning items and observing the boys’ little number, she nodded her head in the direction of the tan carseat nestled in the front of the cart, holding my sleeping five month old.

“Whatcha got in there?” She asked. “Another boy or a girl?”

“A boy.” I smiled. I could tell by the indifferent look on her face she didn’t hold the same feeling for three boys that I did, but I resolved to keep a positive countenance nonetheless. I love having three boys and no cashier’s blank stare was going to change that.

“You think you’ll try for a girl next?” Her words caught me by surprise. My heart is full. My hands are full. My contentment is not contingent on having a girl (although if our family were to grow a member and that member were to be female, I would be thrilled, too). I knew what the cashier was alluding, too. Somehow by having kids of all the same gender, I must want for what I don’t have. Surprisingly, that’s not the case. I had my own coming to terms with becoming a Boy Mom x’s 3 when the sonogram announced that our third was another little dude, but that had more to do with other people’s expectations and my fear of how I would handle all the noise and energy that comes with boys! In the months since we’ve had our youngest, I have told my husband countless times how thankful I am that we have three boys and now I found myself in a conversation with an absolute stranger validating that very fact.

“Oh, if we have another baby I’ll be happy whether it’s a boy or a girl.” I tell her. I don’t need to preach those words to myself. I truly believe them. I try to say so kindly as I know this checker is probably more interested in just trying to make small talk to pass the time away on her shift, than change my paradigm about the value of my children based on their gender. I view this as an opportunity that presents itself to publicly affirm how I love my children because they’re mine. Not because they’re a boy or a girl.

A week goes by and I find myself doing the grocery run with my brood of boys in tow. This time the checker (a totally different lady) makes some mention about how boys are better than girls and I was lucky to have all boys. “Girls are all drama.” she stated. “Be thankful you have boys.”

I guess I should have been flattered at her attempt at a compliment, but I retorted back, “Boys and girls are both great. Just different.” Something didn’t sit well with me in that statement either. I don’t want my boys to grow up thinking they are superior. I don’t want my boys growing up thinking they’re better than girls anymore than I would want girls thinking they are better than boys. Nor do I want them apologizing or bragging for being boys either. Their value doesn’t lie in their gender and yet, their gender should be celebrated. I’m glad they are who they are.

“I’m so glad you are boys!” I tell my kids. And after all the conversations we have found ourselves in with cashiers recently, I think they know it.