A Modern Mom’s Guide to Birthday Parties
Growing up, birthday parties were pretty simple yet still memorable and fun! It was exciting to have a few friends over for your special day and to receive a couple of gifts. As with most things, parenting today has taken birthday parties to a whole new level. It’s important to think about what expectations you are setting for your family birthdays early on so you can reign in the craziness before it gets out of control. You can literally rent a “unicorn” but you actually don’t have to.
My typical birthday planning process begins with determining the theme and then beginning the initial search for ideas on Pinterest.
Next, we decide how big a party we are having. Our family typically does big parties every other year and more simple ones on the off years. Some families only do big parties for the milestone birthdays like 5, 10, 13, 16 and 18, while others like to party each year. Do what works for your family.
The next decision is the venue. Then come all the fun details, like decorations, favors, food, cake and gifts. Rachel Driver, mother of two, gives a tip she uses when planning her daughter’s birthday: “All. The. Pinterest. Sometimes I need theme inspiration and start with that. Other times, I have the theme chosen and am looking for inspiration for the other details. That includes invitations, food, decor, games and favor bags. For my daughter's fifth birthday, she requested a Legend of Zelda theme. I know next to nothing about it, so I really had to rely on Pinterest (and my husband) for ideas on that one!”
Birthday parties have gotten to be a bit extreme thanks to the vast array of directions they can go. Some birthday kids still celebrate with sweet and simple parties at home, but more often than not, parties are at all these amazing venues where the entire class is invited.
Venues. House or park parties are simple and fun but require the extra effort of cleaning up before and afterward, as well as personally entertaining many children. Birthday parties are certainly a very lucrative part of many kid-centered businesses, but paying for those specialized services can be worth it. Imagine just showing up and simply enjoying the party and your child’s birthday. Popular venues include rec center pools, bowling alleys, Wonderscope Children’s Museum, Sky Zone, gymnastics centers and more. Depending on your budget, let your child choose to have either a bigger party or a bigger gift and go from there.
Invitations. First, determine how many guests you’d like to host. Do you want family and friends? Would you like to invite a couple of close friends or the entire class? You will need to obtain contact info for classmates’ parents to send an invitation via mail, email or text. Remember, if you want to send the invitations to school you must invite the entire class so no one is excluded. One of our elementary schools offered optional class directories which was very helpful for playdates and parties. Waiting for the RSVPs to come in can be a bit tedious, but requesting an RSVP by a certain date can help. We’re all in the weeds of parenting and papers get piled and forgotten, so a simple text asking whether someone’s child is planning on coming is an easy way to check in with the other families.
Cakes. I have enjoyed trying my hand at making fun, Pinterest-inspired birthday cakes for my kids, but they really aren’t that into actually eating the cake. The last couple of years I have given them some other options instead of cake, so we’ve had Lego brownies, a soccer field ice cream cake and root beer floats. There are so many fun options, like cake pops, donuts, pizza, cookie cake (or my husband’s favorite, a pazookie, which is a warm skillet or sheet pan cookie with ice cream on top), watermelon frosted with whipped cream, lasagna, etc. Any of your kid’s favorite foods can be made into the shape of a cake. Simply put a candle on top and voila! It will be a birthday to remember!
Know your limits. Speaking of Pinterest, remember to use it as a tool for ideas but not that you have to do all of the ideas. My daughter’s last birthday was Harry Potter-themed, and she saw an amazing cake on Pinterest and asked if I would make it. I decided it was above my skill set and it would be over our budget to have a bakery make it, so we found a grocery store that made a Harry Potter cake that she was just as excited about for a fraction of the cost. As my kids have gotten older, they are able to help out more with the planning and prepping, which is helpful for me and fun for them. Amazon was a great and affordable option for party favors for this party as well.
Gifts. Kids today tend to have more than they appreciate, so we’ve opted to go the minimalist route for gift requests. Controversies abound over the social etiquette of requesting specific gifts, but my mind can’t contemplate the additional clutter in our house. So if we’re going to host a party, I think we can make requests, and if people don’t agree, then they can opt out or do as they please. For all parties, we say that guests’ presence is present enough, but we have requested specific book series to contribute to our kids’ home libraries, a gift of $5 (Fiver Party) towards a larger Lego set my son had his eye on. We also have requested donations toward a specific charity our child had chosen if guests felt inclined to give.
As a parent who sends my kids to most parties, I appreciate and applaud simply putting a $5 bill in a nice (or homemade) card and calling it a day. Among my three kids, I couldn’t even count how many classmates’ birthday parties we have attended and given gifts for. It’s a separate line item in our budget! Amanda Wetterson, mother of two, says, “My friend noted on her invitation that if you'd like to bring a gift, her little guy was collecting $5 bills to purchase a specific toy. I appreciated it so much! It's hard to choose a gift for someone else's child, and I love my friend too much to give her more crap for her house. It took out the stressing and the guessing!” As a mom, I generally think of the parents and give a gift card to somewhere fun instead of buying a $15 toy I don’t know whether their child will like or already has.
As a parent in today’s culture of high expectations, remember that you get to set your own values and expectations for your family’s birthdays. Birthdays are special regardless of elaborate parties, and even simple and affordable traditions can be all that matter to make your child happily anticipate his special day. Donuts for breakfast, a birthday balloon, eating from a special birthday plate, a couple of gifts or having one friend over for the day can be more than enough.
Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 9, Mason, 7, and Slade, 4, and enjoys the process of planning a fun birthday for her kiddos.