A Teacher's Wish List

Teachers receive numerous requests from parents. ‘Can you please move Billy’s seat away from Nick’s?’ ‘Could you please remind Abby to wear her glasses?’ ‘Please excuse Missy from homework on Wednesdays because she goes to her father’s house right from school.’

From accommodating personalities and abilities to sparking an interest in school, we ask many things of the people with whom our children spend a large part of their day. With all the requests and questions educators receive, few are comfortable or able to freely reciprocate and make requests of their own to a student’s parents.

When University of Illinois graduate student Laurel Smith Tubbs surveyed 500 elementary and high school educators nationwide in 2002, our children’s teachers acknowledged hoping for a wide variety of things. It is enlightening to learn what the top requests teachers would make of their student’s parents -- if given the opportunity -- actually are. While many parents would suspect the obvious requests of extra supplies, revised textbooks or additional classroom aides, it is interesting to note some of the most popular wishes of teachers.

· Education is a partnership –Third grade teacher Jennifer Kozlowski has been teaching for three years. Her belief that a child’s education requires a strong and united partnership is one she wishes more parents would support. “Offering pertinent information, supporting the educational decision’s made both at school and at home, and joining the ‘team’ is very beneficial for students” she explains. Kozlowski’s hope is one that was shared by more than eighty percent of the educators Tubbs studied. Educators such as Kozlowski agree that working as members of a child’s educational team has benefits that reach beyond spelling tests and dioramas. “A child realizes that his parents and teacher respect and support each other’s roles in his life” says Kozlowski “he’ll show more respect for the lessons and ideals we are all working to instill and will thrive in the school environment.”

· A degree in ESP? – “A lot of parents think we automatically know their child isn’t happy coming to school or that a parent is concerned about their child’s progress,” explains Jan Miller, a kindergarten teacher with nine years experience. Teachers frequently face assumptions of what parents expect is going on in class, or is being taught as part of the curriculum. The best way to avoid false assumptions or confusion is by asking your child’s teacher for clarification. “Children are often able to mask their feelings of insecurity or discomfort while they’re at school. It’s better to assume a teacher doesn’t know a child is unhappy or needs a different plan of attack,” encourages Miller. Providing information that may seem repetitious or obvious is generally preferred by teachers over expecting or assuming they know ‘everything’ you feel they need to.

In her survey, Tubbs found that more than seventy five percent of teachers noted they would welcome questions and comments from parents. “The teachers expressed they’d much rather a parent ask why a child may be struggling or why the teacher may be opting to implement a particular teaching method rather than assume the answer.” Tubbs explains.

· Be realistic – After spending ten years as a high school teacher, Dr. Beverly Benson Ph.D. served as the Dean of a private school for nearly fifteen years. “It was always difficult to effectively guide a child when his parents had unrealistic expectations of the child’s ability or goals,” explains this astute educator. Developing expectations that are realistically based on a child’s abilities and interests helps to ensure everyone has a successful experience.

· Honesty really is the best policy – If your child misses last year’s teacher or has a special need, it’s best to honestly and openly communicate this to his teacher. Nine-year old Ethan Emmerson’s parents learned this lesson the hard way. “I thought I was shielding his teacher from how he was feeling. I was trying to spare everyone’s feelings instead of realizing I should strategize with his teacher” explains his mother Kim. This mom’s struggle to help her son adjust to his new class didn’t have to generate so much inner turmoil. “Once I finally opened up and expressed the situation, I realized his teacher was very committed to helping him adjust to his new class,” Kim adds.

· You already graduated –Teachers can tell if parents help a child write his book report or put together a science fair exhibit. “There is a difference between proofreading a report and re-writing the entire thing!” Middle school English teacher Vanessa Marchetti emphatically states. It is natural for a parent to want their child to succeed and earn outstanding grades however; completing assignments for your child doesn’t help him learn the lessons he needs to. “Parents are usually so excited to make sure their child excels, they forget that the child needs to do the assignment in order to absorb the material,” offers Marchetti. Additionally, in her survey, Tubbs found that offering guidance, support and a second pair of proof-reading eyes as opposed to reworking an entire project was preferred by an overwhelming ninety seven percent of educators.

· Trust me - If your child’s teacher sends home a note saying he misbehaved in school, or forgot to turn in an assignment, teachers appreciate a respectful show of support. Jan Waldo a sixth grade science teacher explains “It’s always disheartening to have a parent accuse me of not being truthful about a child’s performance or behavior.” Admittedly some children do read better at home or recite math facts easier amidst the comfortable and relaxed setting of their home. “The vast majority of teachers are ethical and have their student’s best interest at heart. Based on that, we wouldn’t intentionally conjure up a story about bad behavior erroneously,” adds Waldo.

“Demonstrating a trust in your child’s teacher and for the teacher’s perspective doesn’t indicate you don’t trust your child” assures Dr. Benson “it shows that you’re willing to see your child as an individual who can make mistakes.”

Understanding the perspective of your child’s teacher will help ensure your child’s educational process is a successful partnership based on mutual respect and a common goal. You’ll be able to better support your child and the process that guides his education.