A Trophy Childhood

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

Why is it that we appear to be a culture, a generation, who is more concerned with what our kids do rather than who they are? We know deep in our parenting gut approval-based living is fragile and doesn’t really provide desirable long-term results, yet we slip into it over and over again. Days turn into years, and before we know it, our kids are performing their way through life on the soccer fields, in the classrooms, on dance stages, in friendships, in relationships, in families and in neighborhoods. Our children are learning to perform for approval by earning our approval. 

There’s nothing wrong with achievements or being recognized for accomplishments, but if we think back to the last few months of our kids’ lives and there have been more conversations centered on performance than character, we know there are or soon will be problems. Childhood is not a meritocracy. A trophy-riddled superhero bedroom isn’t a key indicator for happy and healthy teenage years, let alone successful adulthood. What if instead of rewarding our kids with our praise for the awards they’re already receiving, we start teaching them how to reflect on their own motives? Why did you win the award? How did your daily choices affect the outcome? Who helped you along the way?There are always helpers. Did you thank them? Was the award worth your effort? What advice would you give others who want to try the same thing?

This idea of unmerited favor is how God parents us, His kids. God certainly cares about what we do, but He knows it all stems from who we are.  First and foremost, we are recipients of eternal life because of grace He gives us. Ephesians 2: 8-9 says it this way: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” As children of God, we have His unmerited (unearned) favor, grace. When we come to God with our list of achievements and awards, He asks us about our hearts. When we walk into His presence with our trophies of success, He asks us who we served along the way. When we feel entitled to blessings and comforts, God points us to Jesus, like in Philippians 2: 4-5 (The Message): “Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all.” 

You can find more of Faith & Family columnist Jena Meyerpeter’s writings at UnravelGrace.com.