At Home Date Night
Let’s be honest. Having kids can make date nights hard to come by. There are sitters to book and schedules to coordinate and bedtimes to consider. And romance? That thing you reminisce about with your partner while you fold laundry in your jammies? Romance as a parent is too frequently a chaste kiss goodnight before falling into an exhausted sleep for a couple of hours before the first kid awakens you. Keeping the spark alive is hard when it takes all you’ve got to keep the kids alive. But staying connected to the one who loves you without makeup and smelling like spit-up is so important.
Best-selling author Brene Brown says this about connection: “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
When connected to your partner, you can conquer the school drop-off line. You can wipe all the butts. You can make mac-n-cheese like a boss. You can take away screens and actually stick to it. So in support of a strong and connected parental team, we’ve come up with a few romantic at-home date nights—ideas for reconnecting while the kids are away at Grandma’s or maybe just tucked into their own beds for the night.
Dinner and Movie Theme Night
I know what you’re thinking because I’m thinking it, too. You’ll fall asleep 10 minutes into the movie. But have a coffee and give it a shot, because this is a fun one. Pick a favorite movie to rent and then cook a meal—together—that goes along with it. Italian for The Godfather, Ballpark hot dogs and nachos for Major League, a chocolatey dessert for Chocolat…the possibilities are endless. Plus, this approach is a new twist on the usual “watch part of a movie and fall asleep” routine you are familiar with.
Moonlit Walk Around the Neighborhood
Obviously, your kids need to be old enough to be left home alone for this one, if they are home. But if you can make it happen, there is something intimate and peaceful about walking hand-in-hand on quiet streets. Even if the weather isn’t perfect, bundle up. Get some fresh air under the stars and enjoy the serenity that nighttime brings. And who knows, the chill outside might just make it necessary for your beloved to warm you up when you get home. Wink, wink.
Backyard Fire Pit (with s’mores of course!)
Something about sitting around a fire brings out great conversation. Whether it’s an outdoor fire pit or an indoor fireplace, the warm fire creates a mood that can be just what the love doctor ordered. It’s a perfect opportunity to put aside the phones (after your date night selfie, of course) and talk. If talking is hard, because sometimes it is when you’ve been speaking toddler for 10 straight hours, keep a list of ideas handy. Making a list sounds silly, but it will jog a tired brain and remind you of how to converse with an adult.
Research shows that playfulness has significant benefits for adults. In her book, Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has the Time, Brigid Schulte examines the science of play. She believes that “play empowers people to be flexible thinkers, creative, young-at-heart and free-spirited. It provides an opportunity for pure enjoyment…”
With that in mind, the next few suggestions invite you to take a lighter approach to date night and recapture some of the joy that child-like innocence can bring.
Lego Night
I’m willing to bet that if you have kids over the age of 3, you have Legos. Pour a nice glass of your favorite adult beverage, make some grownup food and build something with your person. You don’t have to share with your kids or break up any fights or spend two hours looking for the microscopic piece that fell on the floor. No Legos? Play-doh is also lots of fun. It’s your time to play, and you can do it with the one you love.
Puzzle Night(s)
I know. A night of jigsaw puzzling doesn’t exactly sound thrilling and romantic, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. If you add a little wine, some music that isn’t Kidz Bop and your honey, a puzzle is a great way to bond with one another. It’s nice to have something else to focus on besides life and kids and all of the things you should be doing. I’ll admit, I was a reluctant puzzler, but once we got started I was hooked. And I can tell you that putting in that last piece on a 1,000-piece puzzle is cause for serious celebration.
Board or Card Games
This world has two kinds of people in it: those who love games and those who don’t. I love them, mostly because I love a little friendly competition. When we play a game, there is heckling and yelling and so much laughing. Games for two can be tricky to find, but our current go-to favorites are Quiddler and Trivial Pursuit, because we are word and trivia geeks. You also can walk down memory lane and play one of your childhood favorites. Monopoly and Life are good ones, along with Battleship and Risk.
Date nights at home are my favorites these days. They are every bit as special and memorable as a fancy night out, without the expensive dinner, crowds and hassle of a sitter. With some creativity and planning, carving out the vital one-on-one time that every couple needs is possible in the comfort of your own space. No matter how you choose to spend your date, the most important thing is just to do it. Make it happen, even though you’re tired. It is so worth it.
Erin Jones works at the Kansas City Art Institute and is also a freelance writer and professional photographer. She is working on her first book – part memoir and part single parenting survival guide.