Beating the Post-Birthday Blues
To a child, there is one day that stands out above the rest...the child's birthday. The much-anticipated day passes in a blur of friends, family, presents and sweet treats. It's a child's dream day. The next day, however, can be a rude awakening. Why does the day after a birthday cause a child to melt down faster than the candles on a birthday cake?
“Anything that disrupts the typical daily routine is more challenging,” says Krista Graham, a mother of two and an elementary school counselor in Olathe. She explains that a child's “mind has been wrapped around this one thing and when you go back to the day-to-day routine it's not as exciting.”
Linda Stiles, a mother of two and a therapist and social worker at the Family Conservancy in Kansas City and Overland Park, says that a big day like a birthday can lead to sensory overload for children. This can be especially challenging for younger children who, as Stiles says, “have little bitty coping skills.” Some extra effort from caregivers can go a long way in helping children learn to handle the letdown after a big event.
“The first thing is to adjust your own expectations,” says Stiles. The day after a big event will likely be rough. Children and adults are both tired. She urges parents to “let the children express their feelings.” According to Stiles, children are in the process of learning coping skills. “It's a teaching moment,” she explains as she encourages parents to model acceptable ways of expressing feelings. Other practical ways to help children deal with the post-birthday blues is to ensure they get enough rest and to give them a little extra attention. “Sometimes they need to do something physical,” suggests Stiles. A trip to the park might be just the way to spend what otherwise would be a sad day.
Parents don't have to wait until after the big day to help their children deal with possible blues. “We have to play down all that prep,” says Allan Gonsher, therapist and founder of Kids, Inc. in Overland Park. Talking for weeks about the upcoming day may put too much focus on the child. Gonsher says one of the most important things a parent can do is to try and make birthdays more about families. He also warns against letting birthday celebrations get too big. “Simple is more,” he says and recommends that the guest list be kept to two or three children. Melissa LaFreniere, an Olathe mother of two, puts a lot of focus on family. They always try to end the day of a big event like a birthday party with a family night. They play games or watch a movie and simply enjoy being together.
As for after the big day, Gonsher, both a parent and a grandparent, says, “I don't think we should do anything. What is wrong with disappointment? Let the child have the opportunity to have a gamut of feelings.”
It's also possible to help children deal with those feelings by showing them a tangible way to hold on to their memories. Lauren Miller, a Lenexa mother of five, has a fun tradition that helps ensure her children “make the moment last longer.” Immediately after her children's birthdays, she prints the pictures of their special day. Then they create their own scrapbooks using inexpensive albums. They keep these albums beside their beds where they can look at them as often as they like. She has also learned to put away some of their new gifts so that the children have new things to play with in the days following their birthdays.
With a little thought, the day after a birthday can be the start of wonderful year.
Elizabeth Welter lives with her husband and three young children in Olathe where she has already survived a few cases of the post-birthday blues.