Bonding at Bedtime

           A bedtime routine can create a sense of calm and security for kids. Children need good rest in order to learn, grow and play, and a bedtime routine is the first step toward that good night’s sleep. Going through the paces of a routine gives kids of any age time to wind down, discuss their day and snuggle with their parents at the day’s end.

            Importance of a bedtime routine

            A bedtime routine is important for kids because it signals their bodies that it’s time to settle down for the day. A good night of rest is not only essential for your children’s growth and development, but it also prepares them for another day of learning and exploring. Parents of babies often create consistency that includes bath time, snuggling, reading and nursing or feeding them a bottle. Bedtime routines are just as important for kids past infancy. As your children become more independent with their baths and brushing their teeth, you can still be there to read a story or chat about their day and give a goodnight hug and kiss. “When my daughter was little, I always sat with her in the rocking chair, and we would read a bedtime story every night. And to this day that girl reads a ton of books on top of college studies,” says Marci Mixan. Setting aside time for them to share their thoughts creates a bond over time and helps your children feel loved after a busy day.

            Establishing a routine

            Each family’s bedtime routine will differ based on schedules and family dynamics, but the important thing is to be consistent. Debbie Hardy, a grandma from Olathe, shares that her kids would tell about their day, including the good, bad and favorite, read a book, pray and sing “You Are My Sunshine.” Families may establish a routine of taking a bath, putting on pajamas, brushing teeth and reading a book. As you tuck in your children, leave time to talk about the highs and lows of the day and what they are excited or nervous about for the next day. Share with them a moment that made you proud of them, tell them you love them and give them a kiss goodnight. Some parents may sing a song, turn on a music box before bed or say a bedtime prayer. The routine may vary with different children within the same family, especially if they are different ages. Larger families may decide to read books together, stagger bedtimes or have one parent read to one child and the other parent read to another child, taking turns each night. How the routine looks isn’t important. What is important is consistency and that the routine works for your family.

            “I put a little table in the baby’s room so the [the older kids] can color while I feed him and rock him to sleep. That is their wind-down time because they have to be quiet,” says Ashley Frew, Olathe mom of three. “They have an evening and morning chart (jammies, brush teeth, clean up toys, etc). They check each one of those off as they do it. They each pick out one of the library books we got for the week. They share a room, so I read both books while they’re lying in bed, warm up their Warmies, and they go to sleep.”

            Opening conversation

            After a long, busy day, parents can be tempted to quickly tuck their children in and get back to their events and activities. Although this is necessary sometimes, it can mean missing an opportunity to have conversations with your kids and discuss topics they may not open up about any other time. Amy Cameron, Olathe mom of three, says she reads books but stops to talk when important subjects come up. She says they also have a secret handshake they do before bed. When you are tucking your children in at night, ask them questions about their day: “How did your science test go?” or “Who did you sit with at lunch?” You can also help them review the day by asking questions like, “It was fun to see Grandma today, wasn’t it?” or “It was disappointing when your team lost the game, wasn’t it?” Point out some things you can look forward to tomorrow, let them know you love them or just listen to what they want to say.

            Bedtime can be challenging. Maybe your children won’t stay in their rooms or ask for multiple cups of water and bathroom breaks. They may say they are scared, or they simply won’t settle down. Keep working to establish a routine and be patient. If a child says he is scared, lie down with him for a short while. If she wants a drink of water, allow one. Set up a calming and safe atmosphere where you and your children can unwind from a busy day and spend time talking without distractions. Your family can work as a team to make bedtime less stressful and create a time for bonding.

Bedtime Do’s and Don'ts

Do:

• Dim the lights and create a cozy atmosphere.
• Let kids know why you are proud of them.
• Establish a calming routine.
• Take time to talk and snuggle.
• Read a book together.
• Allow some silliness.
• Make sure your child isn’t hungry and choose healthy foods.
• Tell them you love them.

Don’t:

• Allow screen time right before bed.
• Watch scary programs on TV.
• Eat or drink sugar in the evening.
• Choose stimulating activities like running through the house or wrestling.
• Point out things that cause anxiety, like the messiness of their room, or bring up worries about the next day.

Sarah Lyons is a freelance writer and mother of six children. She lives in Olathe with her family.