Calming a Fussy Baby
Did you sign up for parenthood to have a content and smiley baby only to bring home a very fussy baby? What do you do? Don’t worry! First, you’re definitely not alone—and you’re a great parent! Second, we have compiled a quick collection of ideas you can try to help calm your fussy newborn.
In an article at News.ChildrensMercy.org, experts advise that it “can be normal for an infant to cry up to 6 hours each day [and] that crying peaks at 4 weeks of age and begins to decline around 4 months of age. [But] it does come to an end!”
I’ve asked a few moms for their best tips, and these moms have all sorts of tricks up their sleeves to pass on to new moms—or even seasoned moms—with an especially fussy new baby.
The first suggestion is based on touch. Babies love to be near their caregivers. Comforting nearness can be shared through light, soothing touch, skin-to-skin contact or simply wearing baby throughout your day. Nearness can reassure Baby. Karen Hepp, mother of four, simply says, “Wear that baby!”
Carriers come in a plethora of styles, so do your research on what will work best for your lifestyle. You might even see whether you can borrow or try a friend’s carrier or check out a store that will allow you to try them on. I had a basic Baby Bjorn I used for my first two babies a decade ago and then moved on to an Ergo 360 for my third, and it ended up being a much better fit for me. I used it a lot! If you’re concerned (or have been told by some well-meaning people) you will spoil your baby by holding him too often, relax. According to News.ChildrensMercy.org, you can “hold your baby as much as you want. You cannot spoil a baby.” They also recommend walking or rocking your baby, simulating motions like the ones Baby experienced inside the womb. Talking to your baby also gives comfort.
Sarah Lyons, an experienced mother of six, three of whom are triplets, says, “Newborns feel comforted by some light pressure. I learned this from nurses in the NICU. Their skin is super sensitive, and rubbing or scratching their back, like a bigger kid might enjoy, is annoying or ticklish to them. Just simply resting your hand on them can calm them down. Sort of like a weighted blanket, but it’s a warm comforting touch.”
Another veteran mom has a reliable arsenal of tactics for calming fussy babies. Heidi Murray, mother of four including a new baby, says matter-of-factly that what quiets her babies are “boobs, baby wearing, shushing/side holding and walking.”
Speaking of walking, movement and change of scenery are other great suggestions. A couple of ideas are going for a drive or long walk to lull Baby to sleep. Remember, these tiny humans we care for are completely dependent on us for all things. Sometimes they crave to be in a new position. Other times, they have a gas bubble they need help releasing. Simple movements, such as sitting them up, holding them in a new position like the football hold or doing bicycle legs can help alleviate any gas pressure. Amy Siebert, mother of two, says, “My daughter liked the football hold, being swung and facing forward so her body faced the same way as mine versus into my chest.”
Water also creates soothing motion for babies. Casey Frasser, mother of four, says, “Put them in water or take them outside. It’s magic!” Lori Tate, mother of four, agrees with the water tip. “Baths or showers helped calm my baby. My youngest would just chill out if we got in the shower together. I think it was a combination of noise and warmth. He is 4 now and will still ask for a bath if he is calming from a fit.”
Another tip is to add or remove stimulation. Simple shushing noises can help calm a baby, as can other types of white noise from a sound machine, app or even a vacuum. Michael Houghton, mother of twin girls, says, “Both my girls had colic. I used to place them on top of the dryer in their car seats. Worked like a charm.” (Remember, caregivers must be with their children at all times. Speak to your pediatrician about trying this tip with your own babies.)
On the other hand, sometimes babies need less stimulation. “Try removing some of the stimulation from the area. Adults can also get grouchy and overwhelmed with too many noises, touches, things to look at,” says Sarah Prescott, mother of three. “Parents will often keep trying new things and adding more and more, but sometimes we all just need some quiet.”
Personally, I have raised three little babies so far to 11, 9, and 6 years of age, and a season that sticks out to me is when our second baby was horribly fussy from about 2 to 4 months old, usually each night between 7:00 and 9:00 or so. The only thing that would calm him was to wear him facing away from you so he could see the world and walk around outside. Luckily, this was springtime, and he did eventually grow out of that phase. But based on that experience, my repeated heads-up to all parents of new babies is that it took about four months after the birth of each of my babies before I felt like I wasn’t treading water. It took about that long each time to finally figure out our new system and feel like I knew what I was doing again.
Our final tips are to trust your instincts and ask for help. Remember that many other humans around the world have been new parents and have figured it out—so you can do it! Reading books, websites and posts in parenting support groups and attending new parent and baby classes can all be great tools to help you decide what’s best for you and your baby. But each baby is different, and if you need help, please ask for it and seek it out.
Premier Pediatrics in Overland Park, PremierForKids.com, reminds new parents, “You as primary caregiver(s) may need help or a break. This is normal and okay. Assistance is preferable to unintentionally taking stress out on a child. Consider getting some help from relatives or friends or hiring a babysitter.”
Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 11, Mason, 9, and Slade, 6, and once listened to static on the car radio for 45 minutes to get her fussy baby to calm down while on a road trip—but she still loved those years in the weeds.
As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.