Can We Talk?

It’s a given that parental involvement is key to success in school. Yet for many parents, visiting their child’s school can be an intimidating, even humbling, experience. And if you need action from the school to resolve an issue with your child, it can be overwhelming.

To overcome any of your own anxiety, you have to get comfortable. “Become involved,” advises Diane Goodman, a teacher, mother of three and child advocate. This is particularly important if your child has special needs. Goodman, who has a disabled child, suggests that parents visit their child’s school well before any issue arises. “If you’re not comfortable with a particular person at the school, ask for someone else until you find someone who makes you feel welcome,” she says.

When you need something done, take a breath, don’t be demanding and do follow the school’s procedures for visiting classrooms, taking tours or reaching teachers. Be sure to attend any meetings where your child’s educational goals and decisions are being addressed.

Here are some points to keep in mind when considering your involvement and communication with your child’s school.

Elementary School

The elementary grades have a lasting effect on a child’s attitude and readiness towards school. Parents can help by cultivating positive and interactive relationships at their child’s school. Volunteer if possible and stay informed.

Build a productive relationship with the teacher from the first day of school. “Your responsibilities as a parent can’t just involve dropping your child off at school and picking him up when the bell rings,” says Frances Mulka, mother of three and a former teacher. “Introducing yourself to your child’s teacher at the beginning of the school year, volunteering in your child’s class, and staying in contact with your child’s teacher about progress being made and areas of concern are great ways to develop a relationship with your child’s teacher.”

Wanda Ross, elementary school principal, stresses the importance of having a clear understanding of the teacher’s expectations for the school year. To keep up on the day-to-day happenings, always review school newsletters, homework and notices that are sent home.

Parents whose schedules won’t allow frequent visits to their child’s school can communicate through written notes. Isabel Prado, a working mother of a first-grader at a private school appreciates that her son’s school “fosters confidence in parents and encourages them to communicate with the school on any issue, big or small.” Because of informative notes from her son’s teacher last year when he was in kindergarten, she was kept abreast of behavioral concerns. Prado says this helped her to address issues as they came up instead of waiting until small issues became bigger problems.

Middle School

The transition to middle school can be turbulent for kids and parents. Just when your 11- or 12-year-old is telling you to back off, he or she needs your support and guidance as much as ever. Parents need to stay involved, and home and school communication is more crucial than ever before.

Dara Lewen, a middle school guidance counselor says many parents are completely unaware of what services middle schools provide and how to reach key school personnel. If the school doesn’t send home a packet with tips for effective parent and school communication and procedures for reaching teachers and administration, it’s OK to call the office and ask for this information.

As in elementary school, parents need to be aware and read all packets and newsletters provided by their child’s school.

Many students who maintained acceptable grades throughout elementary school experience a drop in grades once they reach sixth and seventh grade. For this reason, parent-teacher conferences are crucial during the middle school years — and it’s important that parents follow up on any suggestions the teachers offer for improving their child’s performance. “Parents shouldn’t hesitate to contact the school counselor for assistance with academic, behavioral, or social/emotional issues,” Lewen says. Using a team approach, middle school teachers, counselors and administrators can help your child overcome school problems — but it helps to know that you, too, are on the team.

Parents should listen to their middle schoolers and talk to them daily about school. “It is normal for a child to become more secretive and desire more privacy during adolescence, however, if your child refuses to share information about school or friends, you may want to contact the school counselor,” Lewen says.

Most middle school students are given planners by the school to record homework assignments. “Parents should check the planner nightly to ensure that homework assignments are being completed.” A bonus is that “the planner is also a tool of communication between parent and teacher and informal notes can be jotted down to keep the lines of communication open and to address minor concerns.”

Handling Concerns

When problems arise at any grade level, immediate parental communication and involvement is imperative. Experts agree that it is best to already have a rapport with key people in your child’s school before any concerns arise. It’s much more emotionally charged to have to deal with problems the first time you interact with school personnel.

The first rule: “When a learning problem arises, start by meeting with the teacher,” says Jo Keltgen, a school psychologist. Parents should share pertinent information with the school that may be contributing to the child’s learning problem. “Parents could later request a meeting with other school professionals such as the exceptional student education specialist or guidance counselor, along with the teacher to determine if individual testing is appropriate for their child.” Open dialogue is key so that the school and parents can work together to help the child learn.

If your child is experiencing behavioral difficulties, don’t wait. Meet with school personnel as soon as possible. Be sure to get all the facts and try not to be defensive. Often kids will not tell their parents the whole story about their involvement in an incident at school. If there is a dispute between the teacher and student, be careful not to criticize the teacher in front of the child.

In most cases, teachers and other school professionals are making a diligent effort to be fair and honest. Unless the adult in charge is truly unreasonable, support the school’s course of action. In doing so you will promote social growth in your child and encourage responsibility. In rare cases, if you honestly believe your child has been wronged or unfairly treated, politely speak to an administrator to explore your concern.

Parents are the child’s first teachers and remain an integral part of the educational process and community. Without parental involvement, there is a key component missing. Be involved and stay informed to ensure your child’s success in school.

Louise Hajjar Diamond is the mother of two and has been a school guidance counselor for 16 years.