Dealing with an Underachiever

Frustration. Arguing. Begging. Bribing. It isn’t the latest Judge Judy—just another post-conference confrontation between a parent at wit’s end and the reluctant learner. While some students walk the rose-strewn path of high-achievement, others—of all abilities—fail to see why they should put forth that kind of effort. They question themselves: What’s in it for me? When will I ever use this? Why do I need to know that?  Meanwhile, heartbroken parents have their own question: What do I do with this child of mine who won’t even try?

Find their passions

The purpose of education is to produce productive citizens. To that end, my advice to students is simple: Find what you love to do, then find someone to pay you to do it. When children are given the freedom to explore what they love, intrinsic motivations find their way to the surface and effort rises naturally. Too often, we place education on an ascetic, golden pedestal of academia, ignoring individual students’ gifts and interests. Let students play. Let them find what they love. Then let them loose. They don’t all have to be doctors and accountants—unless that’s what they love.

Fortunately, many area schools offer a wide variety of electives, providing opportunities for children to explore arts, music, engineering, mechanics, health sciences, journalism, sports marketing and culinary arts. These and other enriching courses are available for students to seek what motivates them. Encourage your child to explore and find his passion.  If school doesn’t offer anything of interest, turn to community, museum and collegiate resources—Kansas City is a treasure trove for cultural exploration.

Find the disconnect

No one wants to do something that makes him look stupid. With class sizes soaring, teachers may not always pick up on the simple fact that your child doesn’t “get it.” While driving home from school one day, I asked my own son, who is in my American literature class, why he refused to participate in our discussion that day. “Because I had no clue what you were talking about and I didn’t want to sound dumb!” he exclaimed in frustration. Epic fail on my part. I, a 15-year-veteran teacher, hadn’t seen that my own son was confused about my subject. I thought he was just being moody or stubborn that day. Immediately, I wondered how many more I had left behind.

Thankfully, I have a good enough relationship with most of my students that they’ll raise their hands and stop me, shoot me an email or stay after class if they are confused, but I know that isn’t always the case. Even more painfully, I know how frustrated and angry I get when I don’t understand something I’m expected to do, and I’m an adult. How much more helpless must children feel when put to that same test?

Engage in daily conversations with your children about what they are learning. Specifics. Not just “How was school today?” but “Who did you help in math class today?” “What are you reading/writing about in English?” “What’s the latest thing you’ve learned to blow up or dissect in science?”  Specifics are more difficult to dodge than broad questions, and through those conversations, you can help keep a pulse on any disconnect that may be taking place. Let the teacher know. If there is one thing I’ve learned as a teacher—and as a lifelong learner—it’s the old cliché that the more I learn, the less I know. While I do my best to help each and every individual that I’m blessed to have in my classroom, I can’t do it all myself. I’m here to help them, and I’ll take all the help I can get.  

Most “under” achievers really aren’t. They are gifted but bored, interested but struggling, ambitious but frustrated. Square pegs being forced into round holes. As parents, we can help by encouraging our children to pursue their own interests, both in and out of the school setting. We can keep a lookout for any disconnect that may be happening in the classroom. We can talk to teachers, provide support.  When people—not just children—feel impassioned and successful, then doing the work suddenly doesn’t seem so bad.

Kimberly Brownlee teaches students of all abilities and motivations at Liberty North High School. Sometimes she gets in a little English, too.